Well, ya know what, curse? You can stop dressing and it's as easy as giving yourself over to one of those church related anti-trans groups for "reprogramming". How's a little aversion therapy sound to make you even more disgusted with yourself than you already are?
Come on, kiddo, stop with the self-loathing. Have you ever really hurt anyone else besides yourself? Broken any laws by wearing a dress? Think you've condemned yourself to everlasting hell-fire for masturbating while wearing panties? Get over it!
See a shrink if you need to to. (Think you're too much of a man to do that? If so, then you're not. You're a coward.)
Sorry, it's harsh! But, hunny, you're beating yourself up over something that means squat in the big scheme of things.
Do something nice for someone else...anybody else! Get your mind off yourself, ffs!