Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 51 to 61 of 61

Thread: How can I be a good gf to my CD bf?

  1. #51
    Silver Member BRANDYJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Fort Myers, Florida
    Posts
    2,676
    Quote Originally Posted by hisboo View Post
    Thanks Brandy for the encouragement!

    I disagree with this though:


    If fishing were important to him, I would go with him, to support him even if I hated it. I would do the same for any of my friends. Not all the time, but at least enough to show that I care enough about them to at least give it a try. I feel the same about CD. Even if I don't like it, I should be able and willing to be around him. No, not all the time, and if there is something that I find seriously disturbing, then no I would not want to partake in that, but as long as it is what I've seen thus far from him, we should be ok doing it together. Just want to make sure that i still get to date the MAN that I began dating. I'm not a lesbian, and I have girl friends that I spend time with. When we are together I'd prefer he be the man because that's the premise I entered this relationship under.
    You are right Hisboo. Even I do things for and with my SO that I don't really want to do. What I meant, or was thinking, was on a constant basis with nothing given back to make you happy. I've seen to many women become doormats to a man's wishes and hate every minute of it, but to keep peace or thinking the guy will love them more, they constantly do things for him and he rarely does for her and shows no appreciation for her involvement. In fact, he begins to respect her less for doing what she thinks will make him happy. So my response was a knee jerk reaction based on how I was thinking about one GG friend in particular. I sense you are smarter then to allow that to happen.
    I really like your attitude.

  2. #52
    Senior Member MissTee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Location
    Deep South
    Posts
    1,504
    hisboo:

    Welcome, and it looks like you are getting a lot of good information here. I'll share my situation and perspective for what it's worth. My wife and I have been married for 35 years, and oddly enough she gave me my CD start (though I suspect it was there all along) after we had been married about 7 years. It was initially a fun role play fantasy that together we "grew" into. A few snippets of where we are today:

    - I like being a man full time.
    - A dress hasn't changed who I am
    - CD is a part of me, but not a majority of me. CD is maybe 10-20% of the time.
    - CD-ing relieves my stress. So does fishing and biking and gardening and reading. I do them all.
    - CD-ing helps me feel more holistic to myself (that's a fancy-schmancy way of saying I feel and express things on a broader emotional range that what's deemed socially normal)
    - Wife helps me pick clothes, shoes, handbags, make-up, etc.
    - I help the wife pick clothes, shoes, handbags, make-up, etc.
    - I have no desire for a sex change
    - I have no desire to be "out." The wife and I are fine keeping Misty to ourselves.
    - I'm not gay. I like girls. Always have.

    Anyway, my wife and I have many, many things we share together in our life and this is just one of them. It's neither a lifestyle or obsession. We love each other deeply and we share our complete selves with each other and with full honesty. That's helped us stay together for very long time. I suspect there are many couples (who are not on this forum and never will be) that will tell you the same.

    That said, and as many others have said here, your mileage may vary

    Remember, too, there are always bad examples. We try not to be one.

    Good luck!!
    Last edited by MissTee; 08-20-2012 at 07:28 PM. Reason: spelling

  3. #53
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    4,233
    Hi and welcome. I've read through this entire thread so I'll try not to duplicate what others have said.

    (I'm going to speak here as my male self My wife and I have a completely normal hetero relationship. Tina and my wife are girlfriends, and not with benefites. My wife really likes Tina (thinks she's "sweet") but is not married to her. They truly are girlfriends, have girls' nights, and share thoughts about being a woman (we only found Tina 7 years ago). Tina is really very different from my male self. Part of the fascination for my wife was trying to determine how "Tina" has affected my life all the time before we identified her existence, and also to figure out how knowing about Tina will change things in the future.

    What I'm trying to say here is that there is no reason that your relationship with the two gendered selves of your bf have to be the same. I'm living proof that it can really work to have, effectively, two relationships...two very different relationships. My wife and I talk about Tina all the time, the they talk about me, since we've begun to understand the personality differences. After all, Tina even watches those terrible chick flicks that I just can't even be in the same room with! See what I mean?

    The key is openness. We all do things for our spouses that might not be the most enjoyable, but that can't be the steady diet of a relationship, and that must be a two-way street. Keep being honest with one another and it will work.

    One last thought: you bf is, in many ways, under a lot of stress maintaining two genders. There might be guilt and heaven knows what else, and he may not understand it himself. His ability to be honest with you might be hindered because he really might not understand everything!

    You are really a gem, and I'm sure that an open dialog and a respect for each other's thoughts will go a long way to making your relationship work!

    Best wishes!

  4. #54
    New Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    13
    Quote Originally Posted by BRANDYJ View Post
    You are right Hisboo. Even I do things for and with my SO that I don't really want to do. What I meant, or was thinking, was on a constant basis with nothing given back to make you happy. I've seen to many women become doormats to a man's wishes and hate every minute of it, but to keep peace or thinking the guy will love them more, they constantly do things for him and he rarely does for her and shows no appreciation for her involvement. In fact, he begins to respect her less for doing what she thinks will make him happy. So my response was a knee jerk reaction based on how I was thinking about one GG friend in particular. I sense you are smarter then to allow that to happen.
    I really like your attitude.

    I understand what you mean now. I would like to think that I wouldn't allow myself to become a doormat, but it is a possibility. I would hope that we would be able to be more equal relationship.

  5. #55
    Aspiring Member krissy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    austin texas
    Posts
    623
    Welcome here

    you have done more than most women do .dont feel bad you need to talk to each other set bondries .also read here join fab talk to other women who have delt with this .we are here to help and share good luck be happy

  6. #56
    One Perky Goth Gurl Pythos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    2,976
    1) What does it mean to tell someone. After all these years and other girlfriends and close friends to talk to, why did he tell me after only two weeks of dating?
    2) Is it possible to maintain a relationship if I preferred not to be involved?
    3) Is this more about being a female or the clothes just feeling nicer?
    4) Will there come a time when everyone he knows should find out? Will he want to tell everyone?
    5) Is CD always a sexual thing? Is it just a turn on or what?
    6) Can you describe how it feels to dress? Like is it a thrilling feeling?
    7) I've suggested that he get clothes that are made for men but look like women's clothing so it will fit better. He is not interested, he wants legitimate women's clothing. Is that true for you too and why?
    1) The reason he told you only two weeks into your relation may be along the same lines as to why I don't wait at all to tell or show someone this aspect of me. To get it out of the way, to show my true self, to no have to hide from someone I desire. He obviously loves you, and wants things to work with you, and instead of hiding and popping on you years down the road he did the correct thing and that is be honest with you.
    2) I really don't think so. I can see not ALWAYS wanting to be part, but I would think that never being involved would be a thorn in his side, and make him feel what he is doing is wrong, and could cause some bad resentment.
    3) For me it definitely is about the clothing and the way they feel. This is not a fetish thing either, it is just I prefer the smoothness and other aspects of women's clothing. I like the sleek looks opposed to the looks men are to wear in our culture. I like to show off my legs with shiny and smooth hosiery under a smooth black skirt or dress. When I wear my stuff I may act a slight bit "softer" but not by much, and funny enough my British accent comes out a bit more, but I am still me. Mannerisms do not change at all. My movement may, but usually that is due to the corset if I am wearing one, or the heels. Short skirts also can change my movement.
    4) In perfect world this would be a yes.
    5) For me the only thing that turns me on, is the thought of my love being turned on when she sees me, or watches me dressing or undressing.
    6) Oh by far yes. Men's clothing is practical, and functional, and in so many ways utilitarian. Women's clothing, or at least those items only women can wear in our culture is very sensual. Putting on a pair of pantyhose is a bit of a task, but well worth it, then applying makeup in front of the mirror, then slipping on the dress or skirt over the hose, at least to me is such a wonderful feeling, then the top, and shoes, and accessories. In my opinion every man should try this, with no BS, cause I think women's clothing styles are so much nicer than most male styles.
    7) If there were male styles that looked like women's then I would buy them. I don't like many of the skirt marketed for men, they are all too similar in design to the kilt, and to me the kilt is cool and all, but I want more latitude when it comes to my skirts. I like shiny, tight, loose flowing, long short. I am not fond of pleats, and I certainly do not like the tablecloth around the waist look other designers think the male skirts should look like. I prefer a nice sleek and clean look opposed to clunky and blocky. I would love a skirt suit that looks much like a woman's but is unmistakeably "male" in other words the cut of the blazer or coat is definitely male, the skirt is just clean looking in design, and so on. A not on legware. Some companies have come out with pantyhose for men. Some of these I like and others I don't. The big problem with them is that the color and design ranges is once again limited. The material of one brand drags on the inner part of my skirts, and I much prefer my hose to slide gently along my skirts. Frankly I think all clothing in the store should just be in one area. No "men's" or "womens" "boys" or "girls" section. No kinda separation, and let people decide for themselves. Fat chance of that happening.

    I hope I was able to answer you questions, feel free to PM me if you have any others.
    "I am not altogether on anyone's side as no one is all together on my side"
    Tree beard. Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.

  7. #57
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Austin Texas area
    Posts
    6,377
    How about treating him just as you would have if you had not known?

  8. #58
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,266
    Quote Originally Posted by TxKimberly View Post
    How about treating him just as you would have if you had not known?
    Can't say I disagree with Kimberly.
    Treat him as you normally would but be involved in this other part of him.
    Having been married twice and been the doormat both times that is a place nobody needs to be in.

  9. #59
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    2,561
    Hello Hisboo

    First, thank you for coming here to ask questions rather than heading for the hills. I see you are well on your way to making the posts necessary for admission to the genetic ladies private section.


    Quote Originally Posted by hisboo View Post
    ...
    Here are some more direct questions:
    1) What does it mean to tell someone. After all these years and other girlfriends and close friends to talk to, why did he tell me after only two weeks of dating?
    Frankly, he trusts and cares enough for you that he is willing to take a big risk. There are plenty of reports elsewhere on the net that some people go berserk with intolerance when they hear or see something like this. Further, you may have found the thread in the Loved Ones section about the CD's loved one feeling betrayed when a secret like this is revealed. He may be trying to minimise these feelings.

    Please don't break his trust by talking to your friends about this without his permission. I don't mean to alienate you from your friends, but it is highly unlikely they know anything more about crossdressers than you do. Speaking for myself, I would enccourage a GF talking to a duly qualified and licensed counsellor about this, providing the counsellor does not try to judge the situation, steer you in any particular direction, or break confidentiality.

    2) Is it possible to maintain a relationship if I preferred not to be involved?
    Yes, but it depends on the people involved. Personally, I would prefer not to have to hide if I was in a relationship.

    3) Is this more about being a female or the clothes just feeling nicer?
    That is a question only your BF can answer. For me, it is primarily about escapism and stress relief.

    Your BF may feel that removing the nail polish, makeup, clothing, or whatever you put on him is in some way breaking a connection with you. If such is the case, this is exactly the same as you wearing your BF's things to gain a similar connection.

    4) Will there come a time when everyone he knows should find out? Will he want to tell everyone?
    Once again, that is a question only your BF can answer. For me, I've had enough trouble with adverse events that I would resist any and all attempts to drag me out of the closet.

    5) Is CD always a sexual thing? Is it just a turn on or what?
    That is often the way it starts for those who begin near puberty. For me, there isn't much sexual thrill anymore, and hasn't been for quite some time.

    6) Can you describe how it feels to dress? Like is it a thrilling feeling?
    It's more of a stress release for me than anything else.

    7) I've suggested that he get clothes that are made for men but look like women's clothing so it will fit better. He is not interested, he wants legitimate women's clothing. Is that true for you too and why?
    Legit women's clothing only for me. Part of the escapism (for me) is the tactile sensation of having simulated breasts and behind. Women's clothing made for men likely won't fit a temporarily feminised body. I have no desire to go any further with permanent body modifications other than pierced earlobes and possibly permanent body hair removal.

    Going to work on getting the ten posts.
    And am planning to buy those books after I get paid!
    Just a caution about what you read in any books you find on the subject (or anywhere else, for that matter): please don't assume what you read applies to your BF without asking, particularly about body modifications. For example, some of us may fantasise about real breasts, but the reality is it is very difficult to be a man with breasts. I remember a few threads about this topic which can be found with the search button at the top of most pages. There is also a general rule that anything derogatory can be safely ignored as unrepresentative. If you enter "crossdressing" or something similar into your favourite search engine, the pornography and other obviously sexual materials can be ignored for a similar reason.

    It's time for the two of you to get separate accounts here. Security for the private GG section in particular is a big issue.

    And lastly, I seem to remember you requested links to journal articles. The first is a journal article that requires payment for access. The second is a Master's thesis at the University of Maine. They can be found by entering the title into your favourite search engine. For other articles, Google Scholar is your friend. Caveat: I haven't actually read these, but the titles and abstracts look interesting.

    Surprise! Men Who Cross-Dress Are Similar to Men Who Don't

    How Intimate Relationships Are Impacted When Heterosexual Men Crossdress

    Edit: You may find the "Now I Like it, Now I Don't" in the Loved Ones section helpful.
    Last edited by giuseppina; 08-21-2012 at 01:47 PM. Reason: added thought
    Cheers
    Giuseppina

  10. #60
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Central NY
    Posts
    3,602
    Quote Originally Posted by ElleduSud View Post
    Hi Hisboo,
    I, too, am the girlfriend of a CD.
    1. Be very, very glad that he is telling you early in the relationship. You still have options and are not tied to him by children, shared assets or joint debt.
    3. There is a very strong probability that he will want to either dress full time or actually get hormones/surgery within 10-20 years.
    I have to respectfully disagree that all dressers will inevitably become transsexuals. I know that some later realize they are transsexuals and transition, but this is not true for all who crossdress. Transvestism is really a phenomenon in of itself, and not just a layover on the journey to transsexualism.

    Even among transsexuals, statistically speaking only a small percentage ever have SRS (either because they opt not to, or cannot for various reasons.)

    However, I cannot agree more about creating commitments and ties to each other (especially having children!) until both people have had a meeting of the minds and fully understand and agree on the "terms" of the "contract" (which is what marriage literally is after all.) Even among average cisgender couples this is crucial to understand what each person wants and expects in a relationship. Folks also need to know each other heart and soul, inside and out, backwards and forwards before making such a big commitment, and that includes the TVism among other things as well.)


    Quote Originally Posted by hisboo View Post
    A little more insight into our relationship.
    We began as girlfriends.. I would give him female names as well. We had "sleepovers" at my house where we played games and I dressed him in my clothes, put makeup on him, painted his nails, talked to him about the guys I dated etc... I never thought anything about it. (I had a little brother, and it was similar to when I was kid) Also, I made him into a female friend so that I would not develop feelings for him and ruin our amazing friendship. We are both in our mid-twenties and it was just nice for us to both be silly together and act childish. I never imagined that he wore women's clothing alone or that he had been doing it since he was little. I just thought it was awesome that he was willing to be my life-size baby doll. Now that I know about CD I feel guilty for making him dress up as a joke before I knew, even though he says it's ok. Kind of like making a sexist inappropriate joke or something.
    I am curious, you dressed him up before he told you he was a crossdresser? If you did (and you don't mind me asking of course), I am curious, what prompted it?
    Last edited by Vickie_CDTV; 08-21-2012 at 02:42 PM.

  11. #61
    New Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    13
    Quote Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV View Post
    I am curious, you dressed him up before he told you he was a crossdresser? If you did (and you don't mind me asking of course), I am curious, what prompted it?

    I really do not know exactly why I dressed him up. It's a mixture of things I guess.
    I, in my own opinion, am not a typical female. I have discovered that I can determine how awesome a guy is by his response to my painting his nails. If he lets me, he's worth my time, as a friend or boyfriend. (three guys let me last year btw)
    Next, the first time he came over for a sleepover, it was intended to be a "sleepover." So, as a part of truth-or-dare, I put him in a dress, and was delighted that he did and played around with me. I treated him as a girlfriend, and for a while, I thought he was closeted gay, because of our intimate conversations and the things we did together.
    And as I mentioned before, I feminized him so I wouldn't develop feelings for him.
    I'm sorry, but I don't have an exact answer.

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State