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Thread: Girlfriend or boyfriend?

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Girlfriend or boyfriend?

    I believe I am incapable of being in love with a man, however, I prefer to have sex with a man. I do not have any of the romantic or emotional ties to men like I have had with women. I do not kiss men or like to be cuddled by a man, but enjoy the sex. So I can only be in love with a woman but prefer sex with me as the woman with a man. Although, I also enjoy sex with women, just not as much. Right now I don't have anyone but I know if I get a girlfriend, I'll never be satisfied because I will be missing out on sex with a man and if I get a guy friend to have sex with, I'll be missing out on having a deep meaningful relationship. Anyone else ever feel like this?

  2. #2
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    lol there are many guys who want no strings attached sex. you have that hot mom look!!!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Beverley Sims's Avatar
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    Not me, but there plenty of alternatives out there.
    Work on your elegance,
    and beauty will follow.

  4. #4
    Trish Trishpdxcd2's Avatar
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    Well yes. I think that I have always had a bit of bisexual curiosity but since I have dressed, I fantasize more about being with a man as a woman than I do being with women in my guy mode. I think part of it is my sexuality has changed as I have aged. I don't fantasize much about being with a man in guy mode. Sexuality seems more complicated as I have aged.

  5. #5
    Junior Member Alliegirl's Avatar
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    You need to find a girl who is ok with crossdressing (hopefully likes it) and also likes threesomes/guy on guy stuff. They are out there. I speak from experience. Do some searches for cuckold and hotwife. Those two are very similar but some key differences. If a woman is into that stuff though she usually enjoys guy on guy stuff. Then there is swinging as well. Also you can check out sites like fetlife for like minded people in your area. The fetish/kink scene tend to be the easiest to be en femme in as they tend to be a "to each their own" group but still accepting.

    Point is, I'm similar to you. I love male anatomy. I don't think I could be in a romantic relationship with a guy on a personal level though. I could play the part of a woman in a relationship for a bit, but not long term. Sounds like you're in a similar position. So if that's the case, then that's what I'd do. Find a girl who accepts it and is turned on by it ideally.

  6. #6
    A lady in the making..... Erica Marie's Avatar
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    To a point yes. I havent yet had sex with a man. But I do enjoy sexual interaction of other cd's. I have no real attraction to regular males. I could never see myself in a same sex relationship but the sassy stuff is fun. But on the other hand I do like females also. The love and relationship part is something I could only find with a female. So now the real question is how to satisfy both needs or wants if you want to put it that way. Are there any females out there that would allow such behavior? Any gg's want to comment that would be great.
    Erica

  7. #7
    Junior Member Courtney . J's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post
    Anyone else ever feel like this?
    every day ,. lol

  8. #8
    normally weird... winny's Avatar
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    I wouldn't particularly like to have sex with a man, but when my wife and i do an occasional reverse sex role (with an apparatus), i thoroughly enjoy it! To me that is the best of both worlds.. i am lucky to have a wife that i can pleasure as a man and to be pleasured by my "husband". it took a while to find her, but well worth the wait..

  9. #9
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I guess I'm quite naive.

    I always thot sex, love, and attraction were all related? Apparently not, for some?
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  10. #10
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    It's not quite as bad as it may sound Hon. If you get in touch with all of your feelings, you may be able to equally love both men and women. While sex tends to be the icing on the cake, it's the person we mostly fall in love with, is it not?
    Last edited by Kate Simmons; 03-31-2013 at 02:16 PM.
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  11. #11
    In transmission whowhatwhen's Avatar
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    Is it possible that social conditioning and repression is the reason that you can't imagine yourself with a man in a relationship?
    I'm in a similar sort of boat, but I recognize that repression is one hell of a thing and that in time my true feelings will emerge.

    Hell, I've had daydreams of getting married to a guy since opening up a little bit.
    One step at a time eh?

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    I've felt sort of the same sometimes. I find myself going through phases of fantasizing about being with men but I love my girlfriend and I find that the connection we have is greater than just sex. Also now I'm being more open with her about my femme side that just means we have even more fun things to explore together and that's the most fun part.

    LL x

  13. #13
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aalynn88 View Post
    Although, I also enjoy sex with women, just not as much. Right now I don't have anyone but I know if I get a girlfriend, I'll never be satisfied because I will be missing out on sex with a man and if I get a guy friend to have sex with, I'll be missing out on having a deep meaningful relationship. Anyone else ever feel like this?
    I don't, but I've read an awful lot about those who do. See below.

    Quote Originally Posted by docrobbysherry View Post
    I always thot sex, love, and attraction were all related? Apparently not, for some?
    Totally agree with you. People who are genuinely bi, are into a person on all levels. If a sexual component is missing from the girlfriend, but it is found with a guy albeit without all the other connections, then there is a issue. The issue is, eventually the girlfriend will sense it, she will feel as if her boyfriend is not as into her physically as she would like or as she feels toward him, she will be heartbroken, the relationship will suffer, and everyone will be unhappy.

    Aalyn, if you are merely attracted to having sex with men but are not attracted to the man himself (as a person), then you need to ask yourself if the root of the attraction is the fact that it excites you to feel like you are a woman when you are having sex with a man, more than if you were having sex with your girlfriend. If this is the case, then your real attraction and sexual arousal is to thoughts of yourself as a woman ... and you possibly feel more womanly when in the company of a man than you do in the company of your girlfriend. So in effect, the man and his penis would be an aid, a prop if you will, to your seeking the ultimate sexual experience of feeling like a woman sexually.

    I've read an idea floating around that an attraction to the self as a woman might be a fifth form of sexual attraction/preference. The other 4 are hetero, gay, bi, or asexual.

    Quote Originally Posted by whowhatwhen View Post
    Is it possible that social conditioning and repression is the reason that you can't imagine yourself with a man in a relationship?
    I could see this during the 1970s or before when homosexuality was still considered a mental disorder, but surely this no longer exists? Gays are out and proud now, they're getting married, we have top elected officials saying that they are gay, their sons are gay ... I think there is enough awareness of gays and gay rights in our society to overcome any social conditioning, especially when a person is an independent adult.

    There is enough information today that if a man feels attracted to men, even if he is living in an ultra conservative environment, he will still KNOW that he is attracted even if he doesn't act out on it. And when he is off on his own, he may not want to publicly acknowledge a relationship with a man, but it still would be a relationship like any other replete with emotional and physical connections.
    Reine

  14. #14
    Junior Member tall2826's Avatar
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    I consider myself bisexual and I have had and increasing attraction towards men but I want to eventually marry a woman and start a family and I would go all out with either sex that I have relationship when and if we get there. Overall I do find women more attractive than men though.

  15. #15
    In transmission whowhatwhen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
    I could see this during the 1970s or before when homosexuality was still considered a mental disorder, but surely this no longer exists? Gays are out and proud now, they're getting married, we have top elected officials saying that they are gay, their sons are gay ... I think there is enough awareness of gays and gay rights in our society to overcome any social conditioning, especially when a person is an independent adult.

    There is enough information today that if a man feels attracted to men, even if he is living in an ultra conservative environment, he will still KNOW that he is attracted even if he doesn't act out on it. And when he is off on his own, he may not want to publicly acknowledge a relationship with a man, but it still would be a relationship like any other replete with emotional and physical connections.
    There is still the very real threat of losing your family, friends, and being discriminated against.
    It may not be the 70s, but the fact that same-sex marriage is even being debated is proof enough that things still have a long way to go.

    I can just go by my experience where opening up a bit allowed such feelings to emerge.

    Of course the other possibility being that she's just more of a bottom, which is certainly possible and would fit the whole men being used as a tool thing.
    I'm no GG so I can't say for sure if there are any women out there interested in being a top most/all of the time.

  16. #16
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whowhatwhen View Post
    There is still the very real threat of losing your family, friends, and being discriminated against.
    Absolutely. There must be some gay people who do not want to come out for those very reasons or who may keep a gay relationship from their parents or people at work. But, this is a far cry from an oppression so strong that a gay man would not be able to admit to himself a yearning to be in an emotional and romantic relationship with a man.

    Also, consider this: the male sexual partner in sexual experience motivated by a femme fantasy would presumably be gay (straight men do not have sex with people who have penises), and this is quite a paradox for a hetero CDer who wants to feel like, and be seen as a woman. He can only be with a gay man if he convinces himself that the man is straight. And so any emotional or romantic relationship closer than just the sexual experience would burst the bubble.

    Quote Originally Posted by whowhatwhen View Post
    Of course the other possibility being that she's just more of a bottom, which is certainly possible and would fit the whole men being used as a tool thing.
    I'm no GG so I can't say for sure if there are any women out there interested in being a top most/all of the time.
    I suspect that for some CDs who have a strong desire or need to feel like a woman sexually, if he is not able to successfully fantasize that he is a woman when he is with a GG, there is no GG who will fit the bill even if she is the top most of the time. The ability to fully immerse oneself into a fantasy regardless of actual circumstances varies among individuals. Hence the desire for a man's penis while at the same time knowing there is no emotional or romantic future with the man.
    Reine

  17. #17
    Trish Trishpdxcd2's Avatar
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    That is hard to wrap my head around. So many "straight" men are attracted to gurls like us...what does that make them?

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Reine said: Also, consider this: the male sexual partner in sexual experience motivated by a femme fantasy would presumably be gay (straight men do not have sex with people who have penises), and this is quite a paradox for a hetero CDer who wants to feel like, and be seen as a woman.
    I consider myself straight in that I (unfortunately) occupy a male body and I'm not attracted to male features in sex partners (though I've only had sex partners in fantasy), but someone having a small number of male features wouldn't prevent me from having sex with someone who seems basically female or feminine (though other things so far prevent me from having sex with anyone at all).

    For example, there's a video (at xvideos under "2 hermaphrodites") that shows two women who have penises as well as vaginas and they're having sex. It calls them hermaphrodites, but they look like attractive women who simply have penises. If I were having sex with either of them, the penis would likely be a slight annoyance, but it wouldn't be a deterrent. I wouldn't want her penis in my rectum, though I suppose I could adapt to accepting that if I were pressured enough and if it seemed harmless etc. On the other hand I think I'd be extremely reluctant to put my penis in someone else's rectum, no matter how much pressure was put on me, regardless if they were female or male. It just seems ridiculously gross and there are lots of gross things that I would not do sexually. (Actually, human and animal bodies have a number of gross features that I'd like to see genetically engineered away, or something like that. To me, the male body is especially gross or unattractive, unless it's feminized sufficiently.)

    He can only be with a gay man if he convinces himself that the man is straight. And so any emotional or romantic relationship closer than just the sexual experience would burst the bubble.
    I think a lot of people may be a bit more flexible than that. For example, if I were on a deserted island with a cross-dresser, I think I'd soon adapt to accepting her as female, despite some male features, and I'd probably be happy for her to regard me as female as well and I'd do whatever I could to seem female. I still would be very reluctant to have anal or oral sex, but there are other places I'd be less reluctant to ejaculate on her and vice versa.

    I feel that everything we know is consciousness and that physical existence is within consciousness (and not vice versa), so everything is somewhat illusionary anyway, so I don't think it matters much if we have fantasies about each other and role play each other's fantasies somewhat. (By the way, I think the most important aspect of consciousness is caring = love.)
    Last edited by LelaK; 04-01-2013 at 11:47 AM.
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  19. #19
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by trishwannabcd View Post
    That is hard to wrap my head around. So many "straight" men are attracted to gurls like us...what does that make them?
    Straight men, by definition, are not attracted to people who have penises. There are lots of 'admirers' who are attracted to CDs & TSs and who love their femininity. I've been to bars and clubs where admirers and CDs/TSs meet. But these admirers are not interested in GGs. They specifically seek people who do have penises, albeit who present as women. So by definition, admirers are not straight.

    An admirer hit on me once when I was in a LGBT bar, with my SO and a group of CDers. He must have thought that I was an highly passable CD, because when he discovered that I was a GG he was no longer interested. lol

    Quote Originally Posted by LelaK View Post
    I think a lot of people may be a bit more flexible than that. For example, if I were on a deserted island with a cross-dresser ...
    Yes, I imagine the rules might change if we were stranded on a deserted island with no other choice than one person, and we wanted to have sex badly.
    Last edited by ReineD; 04-01-2013 at 11:51 AM.
    Reine

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member LelaK's Avatar
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    Reine: Yes, I imagine the rules might change if we were stranded on a deserted island with no other choice than one person, and we wanted to have sex badly.
    But deserted islands can occur almost anywhere and with anyone.
    T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"

  21. #21
    New Member golfgurl's Avatar
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    I dont know if I could ever love a man. When dressed I am turned on by the thought of being with a man, but if push came to shove I dont think I could love a man enough. But since I have never been in that position I cant truely answer this question.

  22. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post

    Aalyn, if you are merely attracted to having sex with men but are not attracted to the man himself (as a person), then you need to ask yourself if the root of the attraction is the fact that it excites you to feel like you are a woman when you are having sex with a man, more than if you were having sex with your girlfriend. If this is the case, then your real attraction and sexual arousal is to thoughts of yourself as a woman ... and you possibly feel more womanly when in the company of a man than you do in the company of your girlfriend. So in effect, the man and his penis would be an aid, a prop if you will, to your seeking the ultimate sexual experience of feeling like a woman sexually.
    This describes me well. I guess thats why I have so many mirrors in my room. LOL. I like to watch myself being the woman during these sexual encounters with men. I only like guys sexually for one reason, the penis. Other than that, I'm not attracted to the male physique at all and I also feel completely incapable of any romantic feelings for a guy. I guess it seems strange but I love looking like a woman but I definately do not feel like one on the inside. Thats why I can not kiss or cuddle with a guy before or after sex. If you are basically a straight guy, you don't want another guy kissing or cuddling you. Thats why I'm a bit confused as to a label for my sexual orientation. I don't mind being called or though of as gay because technically I am, seeing as I have sex with men but when I tell someone who asks me, "are you gay" and I say yes, I don't feel that I am giving them an accurate description of myself because I do not have the same attraction to men as most gay guys.

    As far as having sex with a woman, I just really enjoy looking at the breast and vagina because I wish I had breast and vagina so incredibly bad!!!! If you recall, not too long ago, I posted on the TS forum about wanting SRS but not wanting the effects of female hormones. Boy oh boy, some of those gals sure gave me a hard time about that!! Anyway, I just wanted to find out why I woudn't be a good candidate for it.

    Also, with a female, I get the emotional romantic component to a relationship. Giving candy and flowers on Valentines day and that sort of thing. Plus kissing and cuddling is really nice with a female.

    I sometimes feel a bit cursed. When I had a girlfriend, more of a friend with benefits type girlfriend, she saw other people and so did I but she didn't know the other people I was seeing were men. Anyhow, during that time I felt like I needed to make a decision, is it going to be a man or a woman that I want to have a relationship with? I told myself you can't have the best of both worlds. To this day, I don't think I can. Yes, a girlfreind that would be willing to use toys on me would be nice but it would never replace the feeling of a real penis or making a man ejaculate.

    Right now, Im leaning more towards having a boyfriend that a girlfriend and I imagine thats because the sex is more appealing to me than the romance. But then again, Im already missing getting to see breast and vagina. AAaarg!

  23. #23
    Andrew in drag FelicityMay's Avatar
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    maybe you've just had bad experiences with women? Maybe try it out and see if it wasn't just the individual who gave you the decision. unless you have tried many

  24. #24
    Platinum Member Eryn's Avatar
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    [Moderator Hat On]
    Folks, I had to remove several posts due to too much information, disrespect, etc. Let's be more thoughtful before we post. The GM forum might be a better place to discuss the more explicit topics.

  25. #25
    Minority of One Lynnmorgan451's Avatar
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    I know that for me I don't find men attractive. I think by definition that makes me straight. However, I am attracted to the idea of being attractive TO a man. I want them to think I'm sexy! I would never consider being with a man, even if I wasn't happily married, but I think that the idea of being treated like a woman sexually, makes me curious about it. i think that hypothetically i could be sexual with a beautiful cd or ts but does that make me more of a lesbian?? Hmmm...so maybe in theory I am a gay female with extra equipment

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