Realized I hadn't heard from someone in a while, so decided to check up on them.
Found this...
https://thegirldownthehallblog.wordp...crossdressing/
Realized I hadn't heard from someone in a while, so decided to check up on them.
Found this...
https://thegirldownthehallblog.wordp...crossdressing/
So sad to hear. Sorry for your loss.
Not me.
Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Sounds like he's got compelling reasons to quit right now, with the loss of his job, the CDing drain on the bank account, having to relocate, and missing his male workout body.
But, he will likely return to it at some point in the future when his life and finances are stable again, after which he'll maybe prioritize finding a GG life parter (when he might quit again), but when that relationship settles, he'll likely start up again. There is a reason why so many people get into the CDing more seriously when they approach middle age. It's a time of life that is generally more stable, with more time to CD - maybe the kids are older - more secure finances, the primary relationship is established, etc.
People think that CDers always quit due to shame but this blogger's experiences shows this isn't true. He simply has different priorities than the CDing right now, which makes sense to me. But, the CDing can indeed be a strong pull, so as mentioned, he might get back to it. Or, maybe not. We've had tens of thousands of members who participated here in the past but who no longer do.
Reine
I tend to agree with Reine. I also found many of his assumptions about other CDS motivations and practices (cds won't work out???) rather presumptuous.
The final blog post was fantastic example of a trip down de river Nile. From someone who around a month ago mentioned they were likely in denial about being TS. And was sure to post in any thread about same sex attraction how straight they are/were. I hope he accepts her before he is in crisis.
I agree with a lot of your post.Originally Posted by ReineD
Thought I'd also add that over time, comes greater self-acceptance, which is huge with all this.
When one is younger, perhaps they think they can "lick" this thing, that it's beatable, that they're tougher than it.
But as one grows a bit older, they realize maybe that's not the case, after all.
I don't believe much of this is discussed here, believe it or not, but the struggle can be very real. We see some of that, but personally I think many are holding back. Why? Because that's what men do. They'll bottle it up, they'll repress it, they don't want to be perceived as weak by others or themselves. So, they keep things to themselves. Perhaps even make a joke about it, or just a quick "no big deal" reference.
But things can & do get a whole lot deeper than that. Just because one sees the tip of the iceberg, doesn't mean they've seen the whole thing. Perhaps something to keep in mind in this instance, as well as countless others.
Anyway, as for tens of thousands of people who no longer post here? Could be *tons* of different reasons -- and not just "quitting," either. It's a forum, plain & simple. All kinds of people leave all kinds of forums for all kinds of reasons.
Regardless, I wish the blogger well.
His reasons, his perspective, his decision. Hope he believes it and if so, sticks to it.
I am sorry but I think she will be back! I was able to stifle for about 34 years! But I had commitments to my family and my wife! Once the commitments were basically gone pink fog full blast!!! Why do CDs think they have to be a skinny minnow to do what we do? There are plus sizes and very nice clothing for us! LOL Hugs Lana Mae
Life is worth living!
"Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix
Without knowing anything about this person other than reading the post, my suspicion is that it's not as easy or as permanent as s/he hopes. What I read in the post was a pretty obsessive personality careening between extremes, from purging to pumping iron to starving the weight off to ... what's next?
Who has to make an investment they can't afford in order to crossdress? Thrift-store clothing and supermarket makeup come to mind. I just tossed a wig brochure that had decent looking stuff for, oh, $29.95. I've been gathering a closet full of clothes and shoes and such for decades, and I doubt if the whole pile had a retail value of the $1500 figure mentioned (aside from a couple of pieces of inherited jewelry). Most of it was culled from sales racks and Payless Shoes and other such sources.
A buff male physique and strongly preferring facial hair and almost angrily asserting that s/he wants to be a guy is just dissonant with spending one's last dime on a crossdressing kit, only to have no use for it within months.
It was articulately put, and I believe heartfelt, but this person needs counseling, not abrupt episodes of denial and about-faces.
Most of us here have been through similar gender moodswings, purges, and fresh starts, only to fall back because there's something primal about this that can't be just willed away. I once had a therapist (a gender specialist, no less) who fell in love with a CD (possibly TS) client. They were married. He was the husband and gave up crossdressing to be her man.
It did not end well for either of them, and it didn't take very long. Denial can be a dangerous drug.
I gotta go with Reine's take on this, and I surely and sincerely wish this confused fellow-traveler all the luck in the world.
Everyone's Master of their own craft.I hope he finds peace and wish him well.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
I tend to agree with the other posters here who are skeptical about both fellow forum member dolovewell (and the author of the blog in question) and her (his?) ability to follow through with both their assertions and intentions to quit crossdressing for good. After all, the blogger is only 27 years old, and hasn't yet encountered all of the vicissitudes and life experiences that most other members here have - some good, some bad - but all invariably educational and humbling. And the one fundamental fact that has been overlooked here is that we do not choose the desire to crossdress (or to be transgender, for that matter) - it chooses us. And this desire is a harsh and unforgiving mistress whose control over us we can only manage by coming to terms with it and aiming for a peaceful co-existence with her, rather than assuming that we can ever banish her for good.
The blogger's statements sound eerily familiar to those often uttered by an alcoholic who claims to have finally "seen the light", has decided to swear off drinking once and for all, and knows with absolute certainty that he or she alone - unlike untold millions of others with the same problem - can lick this addiction (compulsion) all by themselves and through sheer willpower alone. Yes, all alone, because they are different, smarter, and better than all the others who have gone before them. Right!...and that's why organizations such as AA and Al-Anon exist...because, after all, everyone can turn their lives around all by themselves if they so desire just by applying the necessary grit and determination - NOT!
Retiring from crossdressing for good at age 27? Really? After all the work that has been put into it so far to perfect their femme look? Being able to switch off that desire to crossdress just as easily as flipping a light switch and with no regrets or withdrawal symptoms? This is the final word on the subject, and not just one in a long line of well-intentioned purge cycles that are doomed to continue until one finally acknowledges that while the desire to crossdress may be dormant or can be supressed for a while, it will invariably come back with a vengeance at some future time when personal situations change? I think not.
On one level, I commend the blogger for still being full of the naiveté and "p*ss and vinegar" optimism and resoluteness of youth that tells them that the world is their oyster and that anything is possible if one simply puts their mind to it. I hate to burst this bubble, but once life experiences pile up, we "old-timers" can attest to the fact that things can sometimes turn out very differently than expected despite our best efforts, and to our chagrin we find out the hard way that very often, reality bites as the saying goes. And so, one by one, we shed our illusions and pre-conceived ideas and learn to go with the flow.
The blogger is going through a momentary life crisis and sees their crossdressing as a distraction (and an unnecessary expense) that threatens their ability to stay focused on the real challenge at hand right now i.e. overcoming a gut-wrenching life change and finding new employment. No doubt, sooner or later they will get their life back on track, and like the others here, I'm willing to wager that once the good times return, so will the desire to crossdress - and if for no other reason but that it feels just so darn good - and right.
I hope that dolovewell doesn't go closing their account here just yet. We'll keep the porch light on for them so that they can find their way back here once things settle down and they decide to pick up where they left off...
Last edited by Leslie Langford; 12-17-2016 at 12:59 AM.
Good luck to the blogger in whatever his/her choices. I know in the past I willingly left it behind, only to have the desire come back. Hopefully the person in question can live life on their terms, which is what we all should strive for.
Wondering if one is TS is common among CDers, when they're going through a pink fog stage (for lack of a better term). It has happened to my SO and a friend's husband who also lives in my town. It has happened to other CDers I've gotten to know well enough for them to share this. The pull of the CDing can indeed be so powerful as to intensely want to be female. But, the difference between a CDer who feels this way and a TS, is it's cyclical for the CDer, when other life priorities bubble back up to the surface. And for my SO and my friend's husband (both approaching 60), things just got old after a while as it became more difficult to achieve a certain mind's eye look.
Reine
so 27 is the magic number when people retire. 18 months of degrading myself for pleasure to go xD
I agree with the posts but we all have to find our own way. I do not know how I would react in that situation, but have thought about retirement from dressing -- though I would most likely continue to follow the subject and my friends. I am pretty sure I could not walk away "completely".
I hope everyone here realizes that the blog in question comes from a (formally?) regular poster on this site.
He (I will use he until he un-retires) is one of the most passable you could wish to see. I only read about half the blog but I get the general drift.
He's young and making a sound financial decision. But I doubt it will be a permanent decision. Time will tell.
Good luck in finding more secure employment tho. That overrides everything else.
I hope all the best for this former poster .i will say i have retired about 100 times or more and umm well it did not quite work
I have a hubcap diamond star halo
Crossdressing is like being in the Mafia. No one leaves. Witness protection is a temporary thing. Just ask Henry Hill.
Wondering if one is a CDer is common for some of the TS' I've come to know and read about on the internets. Sometimes they feel very poorly and believe they must transition. Other times not as much and question why they are doing such things. Eventually as they age they realize CDing isn't enough and they are really the opposite gender.
See what I did there
Of course that's the perspective of this forum, but it would be, wouldn't it? There may well be people who get over crossdressing but we have no exposure to them here and I would think they wouldn't be motivated to join into groups. I don't think those people exist, but I have no evidence they don't. We have to respect his evaluation of his own situation if we want to be able to insist that the rest of the world accept our evaluations of ourselves.
I do agree with Leslie -- leave the porch light on. Welcome them if they return.
I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.
I love this quote
If you're lucky enough to be different, don't ever change.
I read the article. Facing the life challenges he has it's probably a good idea to put the CD'ing at least on the back burner.
I've had feelings in the past that my own hobby was an debilitating nonessential.
I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!
"There may well be people who get over crossdressing..."
Oh, I'm sure some exist. And I'm sure they're also miserable deep down -- but soldier on with the charade, regardless. Hey, their life... I ain't gonna judge too harshly.
I also believe the "pull" to CD'ing can vary from person to person, in terms of intensity. So perhaps those with just a very "mild case" might have an easier time with that.
Anyway, quitting is easy: I've done it plenty of times!
In all seriousness, though, the longest I went was 3.5 years. That last purge was just a tiny stash of basics. The decision was intentional at the start, but quickly found that I really didn't have the need or desire. However, I also wasn't kidding myself, either... I've been at this rodeo for a looong time, and already knew it could come back at any time. And, here we are today.
You also read here stories of how some went without for like 7 years, or 15 years, or whatever. Heck, even in this thread: 34 years!
Maybe, he's just scared and freaked out. Maybe, he's reacting to "where this could go".
Posting Permissions
