My impression of who is leading a relationship is that the person who has the strongest boundaries and most aggressively enforces those boundaries is in charge. My boundaries have always been more flexible than my wife's, so she had much more influence over the relationship. There has been a lot of grief over that situation and it finally came to a head twenty or so years ago. Oddly, about the time that things settled into a new norm, of her greater respect for my boundaries, crossdressing entered the picture out of the blue. She is tolerant and even accepting of my style choices around the house, and that's what crossdressing is for me, style choices. I'm totally a man-in-a-dress who begrudgingly adheres to societal norms out in the real world.
As far as daily chores and honey-do's, my wife's standards are much higher than mine. I totally appreciate when she is direct in her requests for specific things. But, I maintain my boundary of setting priorities in getting them done, even if my priority is relaxing for a bit. We've both learned to be patient in that respect.
