SoBe, these are good observations and excellent questions. Let me take a stab at some answers having been in most of these places. I am not saying anyone is right or wrong. Just different views.

- Some people say that they don't get where an SO is coming from when they are upset since it's just clothes? Then these same people turn around and say how much they need these clothes in order to express who they are inside. If the clothes weren't a big deal, like you'd like to tell an SO, then you, in theory, wouldn't need them in order to express yourself. Just be a guy then. So I think that theory is wrong and that people believe certain things only when it is convenient for them. Don't say it's only clothes when you feel you need those clothes in order to express who you are on the inside. If they were just clothes, you wouldn't need them..

I think this is a matter of perspective. The CD is inside a room looking out the window at the beautiful ladies outside passing by. He wants to be out there and feel the same sensations that they do. For that he needs to put on the clothes, because without the clothes he believes that he won't know what it feels like to be a lady on the outside. His perspective as he goes out the door is that he is the same person, just with some necessary accessories (clothing). His perspective is that he is the same person physically and mentally. He does does not see himself differently, because he is looking out from inside his own mind. The SO can not see this perspective. She is a woman amongst women
She sees someone trying to be a woman coming out the door. That is a completely different perspective.


- My boyfriend said that he needs to go out as a woman because he needs to be treated as a woman. He needs to be treated this way, and then he will feel complete. Now, I don't understand this at all. How does what strangers think have anything to do with who you are inside? You are still TG or CD, whether or not people see you. If you see you, then that's what you are. I also feel saddened that what strangers think is more important than what I, his girlfriend, thinks on the matter. Curious..

I wouldn't go with that specific argument myself. However I think the pseudo logic behind it is: I get a big kick from emulating femininity. But I don't understand it. In order to understand more, I have to emulate more. To emulate more I have to go out and interact with more people (with strangers) as a woman. It is not so much what the stranger thinks from the interactions. It is more about how the CD feels in the interaction with the stranger.

- What is up with the whole 'if you don't like it, leave' attitude when it comes to MTF and their girlfriends/wives? If this was any other issue, we would certainly be able to voice our opinions and have compromises. But, since it is about your inner turmoil over who you are 'on the inside', we GGs sometimes lose our rights as people and partners. You even see it on the boards.

"Oh, well, this is who we are, so deal with it."

Let's say my boyfriend wanted to make a huge change that would affect our relationship in a large way forever. And let's say that it had nothing to do with his gender identity. I suppose only THEN would I, and other GGs have a say. I don't understand how that can be okay. Don't forget that it's a partnership. And I'm not saying that you should have to give up CDing. I will never say that is a good thing. Just COMPROMISE..

I don't not agree that this is a typical attitude specific to M2F CDs. That being said, the "Inner Turmoil" can be VERY strong. That compromise is not always an easy one. But in a committed relationship you have every right to be a part of the process. You have every right to aks for any compromise that you feel you need. You may not get it. But this negotiation does not have to happen with an attitude.

- Sometimes it seems like CDers aren't emulating real women, but their idealized and generalized view of a woman. It's very 1950's. They wear panty hose, which most women don't wear unless they absolutely have to. They wear clothes that are too young for them and skirts that are too short. When I first heard from my guy about what crossdressers were like, I assumed they were trying to be real women. Boy was I wrong! I don't mean to offend anyone with this one, so I'm sorry if I did..

I don't know about 50's, maybe not so far back, but anyway. In going the journey the cd wants to experience the trappings of femininity, and not just the age appropriate ones. He wants to experience the whole spectrum, starting with what works for him - in terms of turn-on. But I think you are right. He starts with his "idealized and generalized view of a woman". However, don't fault him for not having an accurate understanding of "Real Women". Does anyone have an accurate understanding of "Real Women"


- Speaking of what some CDers wear, I was talking with my guy and he said that he would, in reality, prefer to be on the androgynous side of the female identity. I said, "well, why now" and he said that since it was harder to pull off, he needs to be a whole lot more girly in his appearance. Umm, what? I thought this was about expressing who you truly are! This instead sounds like you are substituting one mask for another and still hiding from yourself. Do other people have this problem?.

Yes I do. But it may take an TG a long time to figure out their comfort zone on the spectrum. Overshoot is predectable. There is not much in the way of stereotypical TG role models or mental images to leverage. However, we are bombarded with mental images of women.

- I've read people posting about how they knew they had gender issues when they: liked pink, preferred to avoid sports, liked cooking instead of sports cars, and etcetera. Umm... what decade are you living in? And honestly, so you liking things that go a bit against the norm all of a sudden makes you a girl on the inside? What message is that for young men? So if you see that your son would rather play with a Barbie, are you going to sit him down and tell him he's transgendered? He, and you, can like that stuff while still being a man. I think that hinders the progress of men everywhere to think that they can't like those things and still be manly. Preferring cooking over sports is NO indication of gender identity issues in my humble opinion.

Well, that wasn't me, so I can't speak authoritavely. I was crossdressing in womens underwear when I realized I had gender issues. Maybe those posts suggest that those activities added to their information pool, as opposed to being the basis for thier conclusion.