I think that part of the problem is that I don't feel that there really isn't any such thing as a "textbook" crossdresser. It would be great if we as crossdressers were able to show the world the sort of united front that would force the rest of the population to confront their feelings about us the way the gay, lesbian and transsexual community have asserted themselves in society, but (ironically) we're just too diverse within our own ranks.

Part of the problem is the whole issue of denial. Having practiced it our entire lives, when we make those first tentative steps into the TG community, the first thing we hear is the "party line", which generally touches on these points: we are not gay, we do not want to get sex changes, and our dressing is not a fetish. Therefore, we should be allowed to wear whatever we want, whenever we want. To embrace that concept after years of denial is very empowering. If your SO seems to be sounding a bit disingenuous in his assessment of his own dressing, it's probably because when we enter the TG community we learn that "party line". The problem arises when the crossdresser (or the SO) discovers that some self-described crossdressers are in fact transsexuals identifying as CD's to either attend Tri-ess meetings (or in yet another attempt to lie to their CO); some of them are indeed homosexual or bisexual, and that for some, the fetish/fantasy aspect is an essential part of the crossdressing. It should also be noted that there are a small percenntage of transsexuals who feel the need to try and convince crossdressers that they are but closet TS's. Suddenly, the issue of self-denial comes back to the forefront for the crossdresser--Am I really dressing for the same reasons as all these other self-proclaimed CD's? Do I want to have sex with another man? Do I want to take hormones? Do I in fact want to live as a female?

The bottom line is that there are no absolutes within the realm of crossdressing, regardless of what some some of the crossdressing studies, spokespeople or websites maintain. Each crossdresser should be evaluated on a case-by-case basis, and the crossdresser should not feel pressured by his peers to conform to any sort of groupthink.

In terms of my particular path over the past two years, I did indeed confront my feminine side by acknowledging it through crossdressing; at the same time, I have come to realize that I also have a male side that needs attention as well. The lack of balance I feel between my male and female sides is where I feel the most conflicted; I have no desire to dress and live as a female 24/7, yet at times I feel a compulsion to shave my legs and arms and dress. Ironically, I have found that in going out in public dressed, I'd just like to be accepted as a crossdresser and not judged. I don't want to convince the world that I'm an actual female, because I'm not--for starters, I'm not trying to attract men by my dressing--and I'd rather not convince the world that my ultimate goal is getting a sex change either. Obviously, this means that my inner conflict, which once revolved around my desire to dress, now revolves around my inability to satisfy both my male and female sides at the same time. Confusing? You bet. I'm glad I don't have to try and explain all of this to a significant other--never mind the problems involved with attempting to meet a woman all the while knowing full well that sooner or later I will have to figure out a way to drop the crossdressing bombshell. There's no way of knowing if the average woman on the street would either be accepting or horrified to learn that about me (just as the woman on the street probably has no idea if the man she's just met is a crossdresser or not).

That, however, is just me. Your mileage may vary. Sorry if I'm not directly answering any of the questions asked in the initial posting, but I really do feel that while the notion of the crossdressing community presenting a united front is a noble one, we all have our own road to trudge.