I'm sorry for what you are going through, Cathy. Howeer I can't help but think that there is something more than the cross dressing going on here. More often than not, CDing is only an excuse for a much different problem. For your wife to dismiss reconciliation out of hand without some attempt at saving the relationship, especially when there are children involved, is "unusual." I hope things will settle down and that she will have an honest conversation with you.
