Quote Originally Posted by Annie D View Post
Portiahoney and Louise Redhead: It wouldn't bother you if your wife went to a girlfriend or her sister and talked about her feelings about your crossdressing? Are you out or closeted? If my wife went out and talked to someone else about our relationship and my crossdressing, wouldn't she be outing me? I just think that once a secret is told to a third party, it isn't a secret anymore. Maybe you have your SO's permission to talk to a third party or you have given her your permission but when you do that I just think that your secret is out.
I was/am very much in the closet to most but I am more open about it now (go figure - open and in the closet). I don't go around announcing to the world what I do. It's nobodies business but my own. When it has come to close, personal relationships, I have found honesty with a partner to be of utmost importance. Every time (5 serious relationships), almost without fail, at some point my partners have found they needed to talk to someone other than me about what I do. The first couple of times it happened, after I found out, I felt very much violated and exposed. I guess I was lucky, but they usually confided in someone that was very understanding and nonjudgemental. It's like they find the person who will most understand BEFORE they bring it up. I don't know how they do it, but I have never had a "bad" reaction from their conversations. In fact, most times I didn't even know they had discussed it until way afterwards as the persons involved knew both of us well and never let on that they "knew".

By the way, when I started living with one partner, she raided my gear for what she wanted and told me to ditch the rest. She didn't talk to anyone about it and told me I wasn't to do "that" anymore as I was with her and shouldn't need to. That relationship didn't last long but almost became a stalker type situation. Not good.

Like anything, individual situations are exactly that, individual. What is right for one might not work for another. It really is hard to judge. But I no longer expect that once I have confided in someone else that I can then control what they do. As soon as you tell someone, the cat is "out of the bag" regardless and the secrecy is gone. At some point, you will become the subject of conversation, how you deal with that is up to you. The only way to keep it totally a secret is to keep it all in your head. You only need to buy something, keep one magazine article, behave in a slightly different way, let it slip in conversation and the secret is out. She could even be looking over your shoulder as you look at this site or discover it in your list of favourites.

There is one thing "TRUST". Trust in your partner to do the right thing whatever that may be.

Single again but not because of my dressing.

Portia