Feel free to respond to this or not, I just really had to get some of this out somewhere....
God, this is driving me insane...
Every time I talk to her, I find my need to tell her doubling or more. It's the the point that I'm practically struggling not to just come out and do it right this minute, but I know that she's very stressed right now, and telling her over the internet wouldn't exactly be a good idea. Damn, I really want to at least set it up for her, tell her there's something going on, but that'd only make her worry more....I feel like my head's going to explode if I don't get it out of me soon.
She's getting bored, she doesn't get to see me very often (about every other weekend) and when she does, it's always the same, partly because I haven't had any money to do anything with for a while and partly because I'm not that creative or spontaneous. A few minutes ago, I was seconds away from telling her that I could promise that there'd be something coming up that'd bring some excitement, but again, I'd only make her worry more.
I used to think about my earlier CDing when we first got together and how I didn't think I needed to tell her about it because it was in my past and it was embarrassing. I always figured I'd end up telling her sometime, but never worried about it. If I had told her back then, it wouldn't be as big of a deal now. And now I'm stuck here, really wanting to tell her and knowing that I really should tell her and that she really needs to know....but not yet. The anticipation is going to keep me distracted until I finally do tell her, I just know it. It consumes half of my thoughts whenever I'm with her and whenever I talk to her.
