Quote Originally Posted by kittypw GG View Post
you know what? Secrecy and deception doesn't help Lisa and his wife either. Any marriage that is based on lies and deception is doomed to fail. Lisa should be happy that it lasted so long. But I will say again, who gives back Lisa's wife all the time she invested in the future she thought she was getting? I'll bet you she did not fantasize about two old women rocking on the porch together. I'll bet you, Lisa lead her to belive that she would have a very different future after the kids were grown!

I don't give a crap what it was like in the 70"s. Hey I graduated in 1977. People were just as honest with eachother maybe more than now. That is a damn cop out.

When you cd's don't trust enough to tell the truth about yourselves and you find out that you loose trust in the very people you say you love.... well all I have to say is DUH.........................................

Lisa should get down on his knees and beg his wife for forgiveness and offer some solutions to work it out. If you are fresh out of ideas, well I guess that it really is not worth either partners time.

Just my opionion. Lots of relationships should end way before they actual do anyway. If more people had the guts to just be honest (and I mean on both sides of the fence) Maybe there would be more happy people on this planet.

Kitty
Gee, it must be nice to be able to claim the high exclusively for yourself. I won't speak for anyone else here, but I wish I was so perfect as to be able to be so pious and self righteous. It must be wonderful to sleep so soundly at night, knowing you've never lied to your SO about anything or done anything that was hurtful.

These two people have been married for 30 years. As I read Lisa's remarks, it's clear to me that there were other issues that also contributed to this rather sad and unfortunate situation. Lisa even tried for a time to bury herself and be the "real man" her SO supposedly married. I have issues with those two words, "real man" but that's for another thread.

Personally, inflammatory remarks such as this above only serve to underscore the need for a forum like this for people like us. Repressed anger, vitriolic rhetoric as evidenced up here only fan the flames of intolerence and do nothing to add value to anyone.

Putting things in perspective, it seems to me that if, after sharing her secret with her SO, they both sought solutions through therapy and when that didn't help, Lisa did what she could. She kept her life up in an attic in order to not upset her SO. She did what a person in love does...she hid it away. We're calling this lying? What about wifes, husbands who have affairs and never divulge it just to name one example.

I've spent the last 6 months reading as much as I can about what has happened to me and what effect it has on SO's. I have alot more to learn but we pride ourselves here in Western Society to be tolerant and accepting, yet Homophobics, racists and hate mongers are all around us.

Remarks like these, only serve to entrench the status quo.

A very wise person who has been a CD for over 30 years met with me two weeks ago. This person gave me what I consider to be the best piece of advice I have yet to recieve. To quote "Do not engage in self pity. Celebrate who you are and try your best to integrate"

I wish you and your SO nothing but the best Lisa...and I hope your medical issues improve.

PS. I would continue to stand as tall as you can. I see no need for you to get down on your knees at all dear