I haven't read all the replies here, so if I repeat some already mentioned thoughts, please forgive me.
To address the original post of "curse within" - I once was where you are now, more or less. I think a lot of us started out like that - especially with the guilt thing.
I am not yet where I want to be, but a couple of years ago I decided to start moving forward and allowing myself to acknowledge what I am and that it is not a disease or mental illness. Most of society is not accepting of mtf crossdressers, but they were also once not accepting of the idea of a (real) woman voting or driving a car or even wearing pants!
I started shaving and going beyond the "guilt sessions". I stopped hating myself for the things I enjoyed doing. I came out to my wife and she's been exceptionally supportive of my crossdressing and even encourages it. In that regard, I consider myself very lucky as I know I a lot of wives are not accepting of cd husbands and that really bothers me.
I have a long way yet to go, but I will continue to move forward, if only in baby steps. I'm kicking myself for not pushing the go button years ago. How much better life could have been if only I stopped fighting myself years ago. What a horrible waste of time.
I hope you can some day free yourself of your dreaded "curse" and allow yourself to enjoy the beautiful feminine side you've been blessed with. You've been programmed from a young age to not be accepting of this kind of thing. Society won't accept us any time soon, but I accept you and so does every other girl (or guy if you prefer) who posted here.
There are a lot more crossdressers out there than any of us will ever know about. Just like I was a couple of years ago, they will not allow themselves to acknowledge their feminine side or even to look up places like this on the internet.
Let go of the crap your mind has been filled with and accept yourself. I bet that guilty feeling you experience will start to fade once you do.
