How do you know if you are transgendered or just CD?

[Elise.Matei]

Sharon, You are not quibbling at all! Thank you for your thoughtful response. It is an extremely important point. I understand what you are saying and understand exactly how you are using the word transsexual; that a transsexual has the mental gender that is the opposite of their biological gender. Ones interior experience, identification and REALITY is everything feminine, womanly, sugar and spice and all that is nice - all happening (unfortunately) within a male vehicle. The interior is a VW Cabriolet, or a Mercedes-Benz C230 Kompressor (ultimate "chick cars") but the exterior is a Ford Mustang or a Dodge Viper (very much guy cars).

Please understand, Sharon, that I am not saying the meaning you personally ascribe to the word "trasnssexual" is not generally OR technically incorrect when used to describe the reality of what you are. It is probably I who am quibbling (forgive me if it seems so). I am NOT challenging the reality of that which you are labeling the transsexual state of being, for I am one as well (although in me it was actively repressed until recently). I am just wondering what is the best term to describe this state of being and unless I am wrong, there is currently no standard or clear-cut universal specific meaning that differentiates between the word transsexual and transgendered.

I love words and language. A word should MEAN something specific or at most have several specific nuances of meaning. When words are ambiguous, there is no clarity. When there is ambiguity and lack of clarity to important words, there is misunderstanding. When there is misunderstanding, there is conflict, bad decision making, wasted time, wasted effort, wasted money, wrong-headed emotional investment and even tragedy.

I have to stop now - but I want to continue this exchange with you later today - so will post again to complete my thought. Thanks!

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Would you agree with this?

"Transgendered" = A man with the mental gender of a woman; and a woman with the mental gender of a man.

"Transsexual" = Transgendered person who takes medical and/or surgical steps to make their body match their mental gender

The reason I think the term "Transsexual" should be reserved for that group of Transgendered people who take the relative drastic steps to change their physiology is because the word "sexual" has a much more overt physical implication or reference, than the word "gender" which is a little more diffuse.

There is a difference between someone who has the mental gender of a woman and the body of a man who then takes body-changing hormones or undergoes sex-change surgery ~ compared to someone who has the mental gender of a woman and the body of a man who doesn't take these steps, and perhaps never will.

Why? Because when you DO take those medical steps and effect an actual change to your body, you enhance and enlarge your mental gender identification as a woman. By taking those medical steps you become more thoroughly womanly than when you don't.

I'm not saying one person is "better" than the other, just that the one who goes the medical route to change their body, is definitely more of a woman than someone that does not. That's so obvious, I would call it a truism.

That being the case, I think it is appropriate to distinguish between the two. And I would say the term "Transgendered" is more generic and less specifically references ones physiological state compared to the word "Transsexual", which has traditionally been associated with for instance, "she males" (an individual having the breasts of a woman, the shape and softness and curviness of a woman, but the genitalia of a man). Right?

So you and I are Transgendered, and so is a Transexual. But we are not Transexuals because our bodies are still male bodies since we do not take hormones and have not had surgery. We have to work harder to maintain our feminine appearance, shave our bodies, wear a wig, use artificial gimmicks like breastforms to make it seem like we have real breasts. And if we dont do those things our bodies will look very, male. But someone on hormone therapy or has had surgery doesnt have those problems, or at least not as many, as their bodies ARE physically equivalent to a womans, or approaching that in an important way we could never experience.

The word "Transexual" is more powerful and so should only refer to TG's who change their physiology.

Now.... back to Transvestite. This is technically a man who wears womans clothes even though he has the mental gender of a man (not a woman like you and I). Thus a transvestite is NOT Transgendered. Right?

Finally, the word Cross Dresser. Both Transvestite's and Transgendered people Cross Dress. The word Cross Dress is VERY generic. A so called Drag Queen also cross dresses, but he is NOT Transgendered because he has the mental gender of being a male.

Where it gets difficult is when speaking of sexual behaviour, where the terms Straight (man + woman), Gay (man + man) and Lesbian (woman + woman) are used to describe sexual behaviour.

This may be a subtle point but it is KEY: The nature of the sexual relationship depends on the persons mental gender NOT his or her physical body.

SO...

1. If man A who has the mental gender of a woman, then has sex with man B who has the mental gender of a man: it is straight sex for man A but not for man B. You would have to say that Man B is either gay or bisexual. Right?

2. If man A1 who has the mental gender of a woman, then has sex with man A2 who also has the mental gender of a woman: it is female lesbian sex for both man A1 and man A2. Get it?

3. If man B1 who has the mental gender of a man, then has sex with man B2 who also has the mental gender of a man: it would be gay sex for both. Obviously.

4. If man A who has the mental gender of a woman, then has sex with woman A who has the mental gender of a man: it is straight sex for both. Get it?

5. If man A who has the mental gender of a woman, then has sex with woman B who has the mental gender of a woman: it is lesbian sex for man A but straight sex for woman B.

6. If man B who has the mental gender of a man, then has sex with woman B who has the sexual gender of a woman: it is straight sex for both. Obviously.

7. If woman A1 who has the mental gender of a man, then has sex with woman A2 who also has the mental gender of a man: it would be male gay sex for both. For sure.

8. If woman A who has the mental gender of a man, then has sex with woman B who has the mental gender of a woman: it would be straight sex for woman A but lesbian sex for woman B.

Is this valid or is it just semantics? Did I wast my evening with meaningless word-play? It makes sense to me if you buy the initial premise that it is the mental gender identification that defines the person, not his or her body.

Post Script

After having elevated the answer to a simple question to a veritable "science" with all the above however... with respect to answering the original question that began this thread

"How do you know if you are transgendered or just CD?"

your elegant statement really nails it Sharon:

"...anyone who is of the opposite mental gender than that of the body they were born with."

[end]