Really... ? I hope you don't mean that about the people in general, rather than just the friend who told everyone.Tell em you're a person, not a science project.
The only person doing anything wrong, as far as I can see from what was written (it seems like they're just using the name unexpectedly, not being mean about it, so if I'm wrong about that I'll have to rethink) is the friend who blabbed. The feeling of embarassment will pass, leaving a bunch of people doing the right thing without Thomas having to fight for it... transition is uncomfortable, but this is probably the best breed of discomfort there is.
The friend should definitely have kept her mouth shut, and needs to be talked to for sure... but telling anyone else off when they're doing good, would just be counter-productive and lead to a new set of difficulties later on, which would be ON TOP of the current embarassment.
EDITS: more posts were made while I was typing
The problem in that situation is only the person/people who spread the info when they weren't supposed to. Really though, would it be better for people, once they knew, to call you the wrong thing anyway? Once they know, they should absolutely use the right name and pronouns, regardless of how they know or what their motivation is.Of course, it varies for people, but to me, it was my matter. People could know about it when I said so, and when I told them myself. I'm not and have never been ashamed of who I am, but I was afraid and embarrassed of people I didn't know (but who would somehow already know about me) approach me.
Again, why is it a bad thing that those people are using the right name? They shouldn't know, but they do... so they are absolutely doing the right thing, regardless of how it makes Thomas feel at this point in time. Never, EVER should it be acceptable for a person to DECIDE to use the wrong name or pronouns once they know. If the average person were to be informed that they should call a transperson what they have learned is the wrong thing until PERSONALLY informed otherwise... would that be what you would see as ideal?The same goes for people who barely know you already calling you "Thomas." Looking at it one way, it seems positive that people are accepting you as TG, but I daresay this is more for themselves than you. Just like somebody saying that they have a TG friend to improve their own self-image of acceptance, others may scramble to "appear" TG-friendly since it's becoming the cool thing to do in our generation. The end result is a huge breach of your privacy and a sudden lacking of your own autonomy in relation to your TG-ness and identity crisis.
**** what their reason for acknowledging your identity is.. the fact is that it is absolutely what they should be doing. Is it unexpected? Yes. Is it uncomfortable for you at this point? Clearly, yes. Does the friend need to be talked to? Definitely. Should you tell anyone who uses that name with you that you would like them not to use it in conversation with anyone who doesn't use it first? Well, that's up to you... especially on the matter of whether they should reinforce use of your female name now that the right one is being used by some instead. Here's a thought from that though... now that so many are using the right name, you probably should just deal with it... because now that some people are using the right name it IS going to spread.
So which is a better situation:
1. a. Blah blah blah, Thomas, blah blah.
b. Thomas? What are you talking about... that's *female name*.
c. Oh crap, you didn't know... well actually... (*feels sheepish for letting it leak, but can't go back now*)
or
2. c. Oh yeh, right, they're a girl... you are correct.
Especially if that's followed with anything refering to how Thomas is a name that should not be used for you in the future and how others should be informed as such.
