Crossdressing noob... help?

[Thomas]

This right here, daunting as it currently is, is a GOOD thing! Being called the right name everywhere you turn, without having to ask for it, is something that usually takes a good deal of fighting to achieve, and often doesn't happen until after being on testosterone for a while. Understand that I'm not saying it isn't a little too much too soon for you to handle, just like waking up having gone from being pre-T to having a beard and everything overnight would be... I'm just saying that the fact that you're being called the right name faster than expected, is MUCH better then being met with pointed use of the wrong one, or being greeted with a fist.

**** what their reason for acknowledging your identity is.. the fact is that it is absolutely what they should be doing. Is it unexpected? Yes. Is it uncomfortable for you at this point? Clearly, yes. Does the friend need to be talked to? Definitely. Should you tell anyone who uses that name with you that you would like them not to use it in conversation with anyone who doesn't use it first? Well, that's up to you... especially on the matter of whether they should reinforce use of your female name now that the right one is being used by some instead. Here's a thought from that though... now that so many are using the right name, you probably should just deal with it... because now that some people are using the right name it IS going to spread.

You're completely right. I'm not complaining about the name use at all. I'm glad for it. However its the fact that they KNOW that was my point. And truly it is a bit unnerving to hear the name called by someone who you're not expecting to hear it from.

I guess the closing thought/summary of what I'm saying here is that: People are going to be way the **** up in your bubble... cherish it when they're in there smiling at you, not spitting.

ahhhhhh my bubble. gah that major sucks. but you're right. theyre being kind as of now. i need to suck it up and deal with it.

Tell em you're a person, not a science project.

I do feel very much like a science project. being stared at. talked about. asking me questions..

I can understand your feelings of fear and humiliation. I bet a lot of people here can.

This stuff can start off as very personal. Of course, it varies for people, but to me, it was my matter. People could know about it when I said so, and when I told them myself. I'm not and have never been ashamed of who I am, but I was afraid and embarrassed of people I didn't know (but who would somehow already know about me) approach me.

I'm getting a bit freer with my identity, but I know I'll still have an issue if people I don't or barely know come up to me with knowledge of me being TG when I'm not ready for them. It makes me feel like I'm more a topic of gossip than empowerment.

ahh, Ze, you're currently my favorite person. when you came in here saying "Thomas, are you me?!" It sent me laughing. But now I really think its true xD you relate well to me and i like it!

but yes. yes. thats precisely how i feel

Anyway, your friend, as supportive as they are, may be taking the classic "proof that they're hip route." I could be dead wrong, but it's a trend that people, who accept TGs or think they're cool, will immediately spread around that they have such a friend in the hopes that their own public image looks cooler by association. Basically, spreading the news is more for their sake than yours. It's still unfortunate; they shouldn't be saying stuff when you're not ready. In the end, it's kind of like somebody trying to passively prove they're not racist by telling everybody that they have a black friend.

The same goes for people who barely know you already calling you "Thomas." Looking at it one way, it seems positive that people are accepting you as TG, but I daresay this is more for themselves than you. Just like somebody saying that they have a TG friend to improve their own self-image of acceptance, others may scramble to "appear" TG-friendly since it's becoming the cool thing to do in our generation. The end result is a huge breach of your privacy and a sudden lacking of your own autonomy in relation to your TG-ness and identity crisis.

I don't think thats entirely correct... perhaps partially. She's one of those people who are very sympathetic and go too far in trying to help, to make the issue their whole life and such. But she's also the type of person who LOVES the lgbt community and obsesses over anyone in it. so...

not sure. however. i did make a bit of a mistake by blowing up at her the other day. there were many things other than this that have bugged me and its been building up over some time... and Thomas went BOOM

All in all, hang in there. You're in a position right now that's really confusing: You think your trans and struggling with that, yet suddenly it's becoming a public matter. You feel weird and want to vent about people automatically calling you "Thomas," yet feel bad about "complaining" about people "accepting" you. Of course you want people to accept you! Just not this way. Am I somewhat right in saying this?

You at least have us here on this forum, so feel free to vent whenever you want.

yes yes! you mind reader you *shakes fist*

oh and. I've reached the 10 post limit. now what do i do? xD

i've never tried 988. tell me how it fits.


How about: "I feel like my mind is incongruent with my body..." or " Every step I take towards masculinity makes me happy"...or something of the like. I can't put words in your mouth. Sit down, think about it, write it down on an index card if you have to, and tell her.

I give you, Youth Pride: http://www.youthpride.org/home
found courtesy of google.

buahaha ty xD and yeah. my therapist has told me that if theres something hard to talk about i should write it and give it to her that way. thats what i plan to do for this. finding the words isnt easy though.

EDIT:

All in all, it's recognition without the respect. Thomas is already being cited as "the transperson" rather than a person that happens to be trans. His TG-ness is being recognized as the sole of his identity and existence. I am sure any of us with a life will agree that there's more to us than our TG-ness.

exactly!

I can't speak for Thomas at this point,

apparantly you can since you're like my mind-twin

but I personally would rather the realness of somebody insisting I'm female when I'm not, provided that's how they think. Why? I want to deal with their true emotions, their true feelings about me being trans. I can't stand forced acceptance; we'll never get anywhere that way. To disguise somebody's negative or blase feelings this way makes it a lot harder to detect the warning signs of hate later on down the line. And that can lead to some serious consequences, some far worse than simple resentment breeding. To do otherwise, to rather somebody's negative feelings be masked, is to be coddled in a world that doesn't exist.

yes.. and the sad part is theyre ACCEPTING me as a TRANSGENDER but not as a GUY. They call me Thomas. They act supportive. but they still see me as a girl. they still say "she" they still treat me like a girl. thats not... what i want at all.

((edited again because i put my "exactly" in the wrong place))