My world - and mine alone! ?

[ReineD]

Crossdressing is like a brick wall between two people when you have an unaccepting spouse. I think you have to be able to talk about it in order to have a good marriage. In all fairness though, this behavior from my wife is not limited to cd'ing. This is a common tactic of hers to keep me towing the line the way she says. If the problem was limited to cd'ing then we would survive. But since this crosses over into many other areas, I don't see a happy ending with her in the picture. We will all know in the next month or so what the final verdict is regarding our marriage.

How true! You cannot expect a spouse to be willing to jump at the chance to participate, although it would be nice if she did, but at the same time she needs to allow that you have the right to express who you are and to respect you for it. If your wife uses the same controlling tactics in other areas of your marriage, I don't blame you for wanting to find a resolution. It is not right for her to use religious argument and ridicule in order to not face her own demons, her own unwillingness to live and let live. Your wife could easily respect your right to express yourself without being involved in any way, without having to feel as if it was shoved down her throat. I am sorry Michelle, and I hope you can find a way to help your wife begin to understand.

[kellycan27]

How true! You cannot expect a spouse to be willing to jump at the chance to participate, although it would be nice if she did, but at the same time she needs to allow that you have the right to express who you are and to respect you for it. If your wife uses the same controlling tactics in other areas of your marriage, I don't blame you for wanting to find a resolution. It is not right for her to use religious argument and ridicule in order to not face her own demons, her own unwillingness to live and let live. Your wife could easily respect your right to express yourself without being involved in any way, without having to feel as if it was shoved down her throat. I am sorry Michelle, and I hope you can find a way to help your wife begin to understand.

Wasn't it basically "shoved down her throat"? She didn't have a say from the start... So is she just expected to just accept the fact? What about her rights? What about her being able to live comfortably? You blindside her, and she's to blame for not liking what you do? (you used in the general) It always amazes me when people complain about their rights, and then totally ignore the other persons. This is yet another arguement fot honesty being the best policy. And as someone mentioned.. you reap what you sow. Compromise is great if you can do it..if not maybe it's time to walk away and live to fight another day. Life is way too short to be unhappy.. for either party.

[ReineD]

Wasn't it basically "shoved down her throat"? She didn't have a say from the start... So is she just expected to just accept the fact? What about her rights? What about her being able to live comfortably? You blindside her, and she's to blame for not liking what you do?

Kelly, if for Michelle the CDing was just a hobby, a distasteful hobby according to her wife, that Michelle could take or leave then I agree with your point. But the CDing is an intrinsic part of who she is, and as a human being she does have the right to express herself. She can do so privately without shoving it down her wife's throat. She is not asking or trying to force her wife to participate. Michelle is merely asking to have the dignity to not have to lie about who she is, to not feel as if she is sneaking around doing something "bad". I'm sure if Michelle's wife engaged in activities that Michelle didn't approve of, as long as they were not illegal, Michelle would find something else to do when her wife chose to engage in these activities and it would not take away from the love she feels for her wife?

[kellycan27]

Kelly, if for Michelle the CDing was just a hobby, a distasteful hobby according to her wife, that Michelle could take or leave then I agree with your point. But the CDing is an intrinsic part of who she is, and as a human being she does have the right to express herself. She can do so privately without shoving it down her wife's throat. She is not asking or trying to force her wife to participate. Michelle is merely asking to have the dignity to not have to lie about who she is, to not feel as if she is sneaking around doing something "bad". I'm sure if Michelle's wife engaged in activities that Michelle didn't approve of, as long as they were not illegal, Michelle would find something else to do when her wife chose to engage in these activities and it would not take away from the love she feels for her wife?

Obviously Michelle's wife doesn't see it that way. You obviously don't have a problem with it...she does. Had she (Michelle's wife) been given a choice in the first place maybe Michelle wouldn't find herself in the position that she is in. Had she been given a choice maybe she would gave opted not to go into a relationship with Michelle. You seem to be saying that because Michelle isn't doing anything illegal or immoral, that Her wife should just let her do what she wants.. because she has the right. You make it seem like Michelle's wife is the bad guy............ What about her right to not like it. If Michelle has the right to CD, then Michelle's wife has the right not to like it or have to put up with it no matter how or where she does it. I don't like smoking.. I wouldn't want an SO that smokes,not just because of the health issues,but because I find it disgusting. I would still have an issue with an SO that smoked behind my back ( or away from me if it sounds better) because even though it's not hurting me... I FIND IT DISGUSTING. If he kept it from me and he's "hooked"...... too bad. He shouldn't have kept it from me. He shouldn't have taken away my freedom to choose because she was being selfish..PERIOD. Michelle's wife's reasons for not accepting her cross dressing are irrelavent. The truth of the matter is freedom of choice. If Michelle wants to cd.. she should, even if that means splitting up with the wife.

[ReineD]

You make it seem like Michelle's wife is the bad guy............ What about her right to not like it. If Michelle has the right to CD, then Michelle's wife has the right not to like it or have to put up with it no matter how or where she does it. I don't like smoking.. I wouldn't want an SO that smokes,not just because of the health issues,but because I find it disgusting.

Smoking is a bad habit that damages health. Crossdressing is not. Agreed the absolute best thing to do is to tell a partner at the beginning of a relationship and give the partner a choice as to whether or not she wants to commit to marriage with a CD. Anyone under 35 today, IMO, has no excuse not to tell before hand. There are so many resources on the internet to help TGs come to terms with who they are, unlike what it was like when Michelle was beginning her married life. And even Michelle said earlier that when she married she thought it would go away. She had no benefit of a forum such as this to know otherwise.

I am not making Michelle's wife out to be a bad guy. Of course she has the right to not like the CDing. If Michelle developed any condition that was difficult to deal with (health-wise), then Michelle's wife would have the right to not like that either. But it doesn't mean they, as a couple, wouldn't have to deal with it. They would not be expected to pretend "it" didn't exist. They would find ways to have both their needs met.

I have learned, in my 30 odd years of adulthood that no one has the right to tell someone else who they should be. Michelle's wife can only control her own actions, which would be to leave the marriage if she cannot stomach who her husband is. Again, if Michelle got into an accident and suffered debilitating physical changes, her wife would have the right to not like that too and leave. But, one would hope after 20 or 30 years of marriage, there would be a bit more compassion, a bit more loyalty. We are talking about Michelle's right to express who she inherently is, who she always was even though she may not have known it, who Michelle's wife fell in love with all these years ago; all the character and personality traits that were there all along. Not issues such as smoking, gambling, drinking, drugging, womanizing or wife-beating.

Michelle has not said she will stop being a husband to her wife. Michelle does not want to force her wife to participate in, or even see Michelle. Michelle only wants the dignity to not have to lie and sneak around about who she is. Now if Michelle wanted to stop being her wife's husband physically and emotionally, then you would have a point. But as far as I can see, Michelle's wife is not required to be exposed to anything she does not want to be exposed to.

Having said all this, no one in this forum can judge the delicate balance between Michelle and her wife. It will be up to them to prioritize their needs and strike the balance wherever it may fall. I sincerely hope they can work it out.

[kellycan27]

Smoking is a bad habit that damages health. Crossdressing is not. Agreed the absolute best thing to do is to tell a partner at the beginning of a relationship and give the partner a choice as to whether or not she wants to commit to marriage with a CD. Anyone under 35 today, IMO, has no excuse not to tell before hand. There are so many resources on the internet to help TGs come to terms with who they are, unlike what it was like when Michelle was beginning her married life. And even Michelle said earlier that when she married she thought it would go away. She had no benefit of a forum such as this to know otherwise.

I am not making Michelle's wife out to be a bad guy. Of course she has the right to not like the CDing. If Michelle developed any condition that was difficult to deal with (health-wise), then Michelle's wife would have the right to not like that either. But it doesn't mean they, as a couple, wouldn't have to deal with it. They would not be expected to pretend "it" didn't exist. They would find ways to have both their needs met.

I have learned, in my 30 odd years of adulthood that no one has the right to tell someone else who they should be. Michelle's wife can only control her own actions, which would be to leave the marriage if she cannot stomach who her husband is. Again, if Michelle got into an accident and suffered debilitating physical changes, her wife would have the right to not like that too and leave. But, one would hope after 20 or 30 years of marriage, there would be a bit more compassion, a bit more loyalty. We are talking about Michelle's right to express who she inherently is, who she always was even though she may not have known it, who Michelle's wife fell in love with all these years ago; all the character and personality traits that were there all along. Not issues such as smoking, gambling, drinking, drugging, womanizing or wife-beating.

Michelle has not said she will stop being a husband to her wife. Michelle does not want to force her wife to participate in, or even see Michelle. Michelle only wants the dignity to not have to lie and sneak around about who she is. Now if Michelle wanted to stop being her wife's husband physically and emotionally, then you would have a point. But as far as I can see, Michelle's wife is not required to be exposed to anything she does not want to be exposed to.

Having said all this, no one in this forum can judge the delicate balance between Michelle and her wife. It will be up to them to prioritize their needs and strike the balance wherever it may fall. I sincerely hope they can work it out.

Your analogy is as bad as mine.. there again health. I am not saying that Michelle's wife should dictate what she should do. All I am saying is that she wasn't given a choice in the matter, and that she has the right to not like it or want any part of it without condemnation. Whether or not she is or isn't exposed to Michelle's crossdressing.. she still knows it's going on and for whatever reason... she finds it distasteful. Compromise would be nice, but if Michelle's wife doesn't want to compromise... she shouldn't have to, and she shouldn't be made out to look like the non-understanding one. I may be young and not have a zillion years of experience in these matters, but I DO have the ability to see BOTH sides of the coin....clearly and logically.

[ReineD]

she has the right to not like it or want any part of it without condemnation.

Well, at least we agree on one thing!