>>Got confronted again about a year ago and again told some lies to get out of it. Over this summer I had an experience that I will never forget. I was alone in my house for 2 weeks. For the first time I was able to fully live as Jenna. I went all out. Outfits, high heels, fake nails, fully shaved, the works. I really was a woman! I even went out shopping in public, what a rush! I was so happy it was amazing! I was also very sexual with myself with toys, which was also incredible. However after 4 days of this I had a terrible guilt that I could not live with. I went crazy and threw everything out, including my soul.


"I was really a woman!"

Really? How so?

Do you nipples hurt a few days every month? Do you have to hide your bloody underwear under the other clothes until wash day? Do you cramp up and feel ill every so often? Are you paid less "because you're a woman?" Do you get no peace when trying to dine alone at a restaurant because men want to "just have a word?" (Yeah, right!)

The truth is it seems you're really a crossdresser, and, the type of crossdresser who (at this time at least) enjoys the fantasy of being a woman, having sex in the clothing and position very common to "the woman's role," and, you have discovered many of the physical buttons that can be pressed to achieve a different kind and amount of sexual satisfaction. You are on fire!

And, that's all. And, it's a fire that blows hotter and colder. But, the point is this is all you and what you've managed to do with yourself as time and opportunity allows. You haven't opened the gates of hell, undermined the US currency, or, caused any year long solar eclipses.

But, having discovered all that you have, you're not going to go back to not doing this sort of thing - barring now and then, or, NEVER doing it again. And, having seen the first steps of many paths at this fork in the road, you'll either try "Just a few steps, what could it hurt?" or, you'll try to stop - and forever torture yourself over "temptations."

Look, take the cap off the radiator, slow down, and explain to the other people on this trip with you (life) what you've been doing, how little and how much it's affecting things, and, what you think you need to be doing about it. Give them a chance to understand that plans may be changing "by necessity" and that everyone will need to make some adjustments. Admit that you have done some things wrong, and, that you've tried too long to keep going fast while ignoring the warning signs - like the knocking from the engine and the wisps of steam.

Get some accurate information out in front of the people involved and work it out together. There's really no need to wind up leaving the car in a ditch somewhere when you can, with a little effort, continue your trip (life/lives) without any real upset. Unwisely keeping to an unworkable plan (schedule/map) is what it going to mess things up. Making sensible adjustments is in everyone's best interests.

So, for the present - admit to the problem this is causing you - and be sure to explain that "a problem for Pa is a problem for Ma", read some more books, shop for a helpful thearapist, and, explain about the need and wisdom of "letting the steam out of all this." Your wife, and other people would rather figure out a solution with you than argue anxiously about what "the" problem is. The problem isn't crossdressing or sex, it's the confusion, the lying, the guilt, and the uncertainty.

Read the first part of what type of crossdresser you are... You may be of another stripe, you may not. But, whatever you are, it's what you do, what you enjoy, and a part of your future. Fine. Manage to live with it happily - "Dressed night is the second Tuesday of any month I chose to do it." - and others will most likely let things work out. As you go about this, fess up to the time it's taking away from things you could be/should be doing and work harder at meeting those obligations.

Bottom line, the time you don't waste worrying and hiding is time that can be put into doing more things that need to be done to make everyone's life better around there.

Use your time and energy for better things - all things considered for everybody. Your life, nobody's life, is an "either/or" proposition. If it is, you're constantly torn between "this," or, "that" when neither is really satisfactory. Life is better lived with several choices at every point, negotiated outcomes, and some stability that won't be upset by "huge surprises."

Back to the car trip analogy... Many small bumps in the road, now and then, is preferable to driving in the dark to a washed out bridge.... If the trip is not what you (all) started out to do, take into account that things change and make some new plans in the time you have (in life) and the choices that are really there that can be voted on. Happy is as happy does.

Good luck and good living.