Totally Busted ... in the worst way

[Lorileah]

Tell me Dutchess . That danged conservative northern Europe attitude. Ya bin dere fer sure. But now you have ruined my fantasy of the lowlands Whats left now...the Riviera isn't open minded too? Drat....guess that leaves Britain, the people here from the Isles seem open minded

[carolinoakland]

Maybe I missed it, or maybe I just don't get this whole thing. The solution, plain and simple is...TELL HER. She's 8, she isn't an infant she isn't an arrogant teenager. It is the perfect time to bring this out in the open and quit making it a farce and reinforcing that it is wrong. Bite the bullet, come clean, discuss this with her before someone else tells her what a perversion it is and she thinks back to how daddy was all embarrassed and scared over it.

You teach your children to respect others, to not judge based in appearances but on actions. You teach them to accept what a person (evidently other than your family) is without deriding them or jumping to irrational conclusions. You teach your children everything they need to grow up to be responsible caring and open minded adults, then you sneak around and infer that what you are doing is wrong and a reason to keep a secret. No wonder children are confused.

You already KNOW she knows. It doesn't effect her as a child with her friends. I am sure at 8 she doesn't go around the school telling everyone her dad wears dresses. It isn't important to anyone but her and maybe her BEST friends.

Now I will get hammered by the 800 closeted parents here who say you can't tell your kids. You can. I understand wanting to protect them but what are you protecting them from? Is this such a sexual secret? If it is then dressing in the middle of the afternoon was a poor idea...just like not locking your door when you have a little afternoon delight. But if it is like so many say here "part of who you are" then you need to come out.

I agree here, but each person has to live with their choices. My daughter was told by her mom when she was six in an attempt to alienate me. Didn't work, but she DID out me to a friend trying to show off...But teen's are diferent, they are worried about being unique with out being diferent. And it's not what they think about this that matters, it's what they think they're friends will think about HER. I finally came out to my daughter as a TS and started to tell her and she said " But, I allready heard this..."

I said..."Yes, but you never heard it from ME. And you've never heard about it from a place of anger...." She does go hot and cold about me, but she love's me and I know it, and THAT is what will get us through it all... Carol

[Dutchess]

Tell me Dutchess . That danged conservative northern Europe attitude. Ya bin dere fer sure. But now you have ruined my fantasy of the lowlands Whats left now...the Riviera isn't open minded too? Drat....guess that leaves Britain, the people here from the Isles seem open minded

LOL No way ,, I'll meet you at the Riviera !! and be glad of it ...... France os one of the places Dutchie has a job he can go to that I would REALLY like to go to that is just right by that region ....

However,,, you are absolutely right about the UK'ers sure seem to be wayyyyy more relaxed about this than other places ,, I have an old friend in Cheltenham and Dutch an old rugby friend in Liverpool, neither of then know about this ,but are extremely cool folks..

[Lorileah]

she said " But, I allready heard this..."

I said..."Yes, but you never heard it from ME. And you've never heard about it from a place of anger...." She does go hot and cold about me, but she love's me and I know it, and THAT is what will get us through it all... Carol

Awesome Carol! And the point well made. All the whispers, innuendos and underhanded attempts against us holds nothing to the light we bring by saying it ourselves. It can't be a weapon if we don't allow it to be. What child doesn't run hot and cold on their parents? They never agree with everything you do

Dutchess the Riviera it is then. But let me get a base tan first don't want to blind everyone. Is your hubby an international spy? Don't answer that you would have to shoot me

[Nicole Erin]

Thank you Nicole ,, I hear you the rest of the kids had to be forced through school with a cattle prod ..... I don't know how she was born like this ...

Cattle prod. And I just KNOW in Texas it would not be out of the question haha

Kidding aside, OK I dont feel so bad.

With your daughter and her friend seeing your husband dressed. Well just make sure she is raised without prejudice and such. It can be hard with outside influences, as we know, kids get harder to protect the older they get. I think I would be more concerned about the daughter's friend than your daughter having seen.

[Christina Horton]

Hay. I don't have kids or a wife or a girl friend at the moment. But I think you both should sit down with all your kids and have a chat and let them ask questions. But like I said I don't have kids. I would like to think that I would tell me kids very early cuz I would be dressing at home from the time they would be born. But I am out to everybody I care about so if my next door apt dwellers know (and they do if they see me in the hall(and they do) when I am dressed) then so what. I think the way she responds to this will show her that being "caught" by someone unexpectedly is not the worst thing in the world. I think the worst thing in the world is to NOT do what you want and need to do , Like being who we are inside. Going out dressed as women as we do is not JUST to go out and "play" dress up like some people think we do. We do it to BE the real person we are , even if it's only for a few hours a day week month year. If you just say "oh I have time" sooner rather then later you find that you missed your chance to be yourself.

You are a great , Wonderful wife to be so ok with her being herself , you little girl is a testament of what great parents you two are. Congrats hun.

Oh is your wife/hubby on this site too.If so whats her name here. Thanks for the story is was funny and scary too. Have fun and be safe .

[Rogina B]

I don't think it helps to have a big sitdown about the whys of dressing to young kids. You like to dressup and look pretty,mommy likes it too and you go out and have fun and enjoy it....enough said. And with most kids,if it is ok with Mom,it is ok with them! A sitdown talk might stick in their minds and become"news" to tell their friends and teachers.lol Last year when my then 7 yr old daughter was asked at school about family hobbies,she told them that her Dad collects tights and has lots and lots of them!! :D

[lavistaa62]

Dutchess, you are an amazing woman. Incidently the only time I have been "caught" was in my early teens and by a dutch (as in from there but expat) woman. She kind of put her fingers to her mouth and turned and left. That was that; still friends with the family 30 years later.

[Dutchess]

Cattle prod. And I just KNOW in Texas it would not be out of the question haha

Oh you know it !!

You are a great , Wonderful wife to be so ok with her being herself , you little girl is a testament of what great parents you two are. Congrats hun.

Oh is your wife/hubby on this site too.If so whats her name here. Thanks for the story is was funny and scary too. Have fun and be safe .

I first told it to show Dutchie he was not alone in having a very awkward moment but these compliments really boost my self confidence too,, help me to help him ,,, but really they are so kind I dont know whether to blush ,cry or both lol ..... no he is only here thru me,, he is one of the shyest people I have ever known but I always encourage everyone to say hey to him so one day he may get brave ... thats the only reason why I don't join the FAB group because I respect the privacy rule there.

Last year when my then 7 yr old daughter was asked at school about family hobbies,she told them that her Dad collects tights and has lots and lots of them!! :D

This is just plain hilarious ,, I think she and our daughter must be related somehow .....

Dutchess, you are an amazing woman. Incidently the only time I have been "caught" was in my early teens and by a dutch (as in from there but expat) woman. She kind of put her fingers to her mouth and turned and left. That was that

Thank you Lavista ,, alot of you here know I have been really seriously ill for some years ..it will remain chronic , I can live with it but not without some difficulty so really ,,in the grand scheme of things ,, this is no big deal. There are so many other things that really could be bad .. he is my lover ,companion and friend and it is just who he is. You brought up something interesting there ,,, I personally think his mom knows and as being old school "Dutch" has simply made it go away like you are saying.. once he was almost caught as a child and hid her clothes under his bed .. when the coast was clear again to return them, they were gone .. neither of them has ever said a word to the other ..

[kimdl93]

probably not a big deal. I agree that most kids are living in their own world...dad in a dress might not register. You could ask about it later...in a very casual way. its possible she knows more than you realize!