Crossing dressing and dating guys?

[mklinden2010]

I generally think of most the CDers, etc. that I run into as "uncertain" goods, "questionable" goods, or, "expensive" goods. Quality (integrity) varies, cost (time) doesn't.

I was, years ago, lucky in that I lived a big city and my first out encounters with the CD/TG/TS community were, in every case, obviously stratified groups of CDers, etc. that could be clearly seen as, "Beginner/Intermediate/Advanced," "over-excited/clueless/naive," "self-gratifying/experimenting/predator."

None of this shocked me, since I tend to pay attention to rankings of people and things anyway. But, it was disturbing to see so many people put themselves (parents/wives/kids/jobs/friendships) at risk, be taken advantage of, and, wasting time and opportunity in pursuits they were generally not very good at and usually weren't sure they wanted to be good at.

Novic's book, as well as Helen Boyd's two books, both eventually end with the male being discussed moving towards being "a woman" and desiring and/or having sex with men. Since that is the case, I very often wonder why these are offered to SOs as things to read about "their" crossdresser, etc, unless the notion is that "If you're going to break the ice, break all of it." On the other hand, it's very possible that very few people recommending these books have actually read them all the way through. It wouldn't be the first time that happened with a topic or issue...

At any rate, over thirty years I've watched one of two things happen: either the CD gets stuck at some early stage of what seems to be an "evolution" - something of an infantile stage of ""Panties and bras, lipstick and hose, Honeys and Darlings and Gals - Oh, my!" or they move on down the path, or, down the slippery slope to to being who they ARE working on being which is a person more aligned with living and working as women and accepting that thoughts or actual sex with men is a given. "Well, you gotta live." CDing, etc. is not just "for fun" and most women realize this instinctively. Some, I have noted, get used to it and make a life with it, others cut themselves loose and live the life they've already created for themselves in THEIR minds and hearts. Good for them. Good for anybody. Usually.

Another thing I have noticed, and I was given a very early "heads up" on it, was that you'll see more beginners and predators floundering/working at meetings and clubs than you will people who are comfortable with themselves and happy to live their lives without so much surprise and drama. "Most people who have it together and aren't out to get something for nothing will never go to a support meeting or out to a gay club. Meetings and clubs not "real" life."

My SOs, and my community friends were very careful with their cautions about what to look out for, what to do and not do. Then they waited to see if I, or, anyone they advised would actually listen to their counsel. The "winners" get it and go live more normal lives (women do not turn themselves on with their workaday foundation garments and makeup) while the "losers" spent much of their time and energy finding various thrills and justifying staying just as they were: "I have a right to me!"

These rights are asserted while ignoring everyone else's right not to like them being who they are...

It was also perhaps lucky in that I was always willing to consider my thoughts and actions as "gay." There was a (secret?) "bonus" payoff in everything that I did. I didn't have to think about it; it was just there. And, it was there because you can't put on the train engineer's outfit without going, "Wooo-woo" at least every once in a while. There's no crime or harm in that - unless you want to deny the desire and argue that you just like the denim, the cap, and, the red hanky - "And, that's all there is to it!" Not so. You like anything enough to do it again and again, you'll find ways to get better at it and do it some more. Problem is what you think/feel "better" is and what amount of "more" is enough.

You can get off the merry-go-round if you want to. You don't have to wreck your life or fall off the roof. But, you do have to wise up and realize the entire scope and size of the activity you're dealing with really is and find a safe place to step aside and watch the rest of the parade go by.

There are various ways, I think, to look at CDing - just to keep this on the simplest example. It can be a gentle or a steep slope, it can be an uphill climb or a downhill slide. Perhaps it depends where you start and what you have to work with. But, I think there's no mistake to be made about what sort of activity it is. It's not a heterosexual activity - which, in my view, is fine. No harm, for example, in thinking about something.. a little... right? And, no harm if that's the way you are... "So long as you're not hurting anybody..." Weak, I know, but you hear it all the time.

My view is that it's a shade-of-gay and can go almost all one color or the other, but which has a difficult time being seen as "just" one particularly fine shade or another. Shades of gray are very hard to tell apart. Shades of gay are too.

I have no expectation that any human being is all one thing or another, not really. Just about anyone can be bought and sold; just about anyone can be tricked; any body can make a mistake; anyone can win the lottery. We're just people. And, as people, we're all heading somewhere in life. How we get there and how we get along with others (and ourselves) has to do with a lot of factors. This OP started with what I consider to be a very loaded question, "innocently" put. A very fine "fishing question", if ever there was one. But one that hides the facts in plain site. Those 22,000 views, for example, say more in raw numbers about those facts than the question seems to offer.

The question asked is:

"How many of us think about being with a guy while crossdressing?"

But, think about that... You're already with a guy.

What are you thinking about him?

What are you thinking you are doing with him/for him/to him?

And, that sort of thing would be...?

And, as for expressing your feminine side, is it generally the case that women "dress up" just to look at themselves?

No, they're acting with purpose and that purpose is directed at others. Certain others.

Get it now?

CDing is a purposeful activity, but, finely studied, it only has one ultimate destination.

"Not that there's anything wrong with that..."

Is there?