Crossing dressing and dating guys?

[ReineD]

Satrana, thanks for your response and I do see now that we are in agreement, but discussing two different angles.

... and these thoughts can displace the sexual attraction to the wife especially in longer term relationships.

This is the prime issue as I see it too. In most of my prior posts to this thread (although sometimes my thoughts do become scattered :p), I was speaking from the point of view of a GG who accepts that her husband CDs yet she still feels him moving further and further away from her.

I will say another thing which people will object to. CDs are damaged goods. The shame, guilt and closeted lifestyle twists our sense of perspective so we are no longer aligned with reality and what others seek. We can mask this well enough so it is not obvious but it is there buried deep inside. We can unlearn these bad habits and focus on the right things but only if we learn to accept ourselves and be honest in recognizing how our CDing has changed us - the good things and the bad things.

You are speaking of having baggage. I sense this in threads and it is always a point on which I have a lot of compassion. But many GGs have their own baggage too, from their childhoods or from prior, perhaps abusive relationships. Speaking for myself (although I think that most GGs would agree with me), I'd be willing to move mountains if my SO were to let me in. So again, for those who are still reading this thread, I encourage doing what you can to incorporate your wife into your sexual fantasies, lest she should feel cast aside. Even if it means ... a lot of talking!

If there is no evidence that your partner wants to act on his fantasy then you must take personal responsibility for your own feelings.

But there doesn't need to be any evidence, any physical acting out with affairs. Just preferring to self-pleasure with the fantasies is enough to relegate the wife to second place. Also, if the wife senses on any level that her husband gets off more on his fantasies (using whatever fodder ... porn, the image of someone who is impossibly sexy, cybersex) than being with her, she will feel deeply hurt. It will make it even more difficult for her to believe that her husband's fantasies do not take away from his lust for her, especially if they have issues in the bedroom.

You are confusing a gender based fantasy with sexual attraction. If you look at the comments it is all about being with "men" - not a particular man. The men are just mannequins, their purpose is to enhance our desire to feel feminine by placing us in a certain role.

I see your point, but it's not the impression I got from this thread. How can someone want something so much yet refuse it if the opportunity should present itself? And there are posts by CDs who have tried it and they want more. Maybe everyone does have it in them to be bi, and CDs are more prone to experiment ... and then love it because it panders to their femme feelings. Why dress to attract men when out in public, even when it is done tastefully? Just the act of wanting something and seemingly dressing for it is enough to cast doubts in any GG. Especially, again, if they have issues in the bedroom.

I know the "female spirit trapped within a male body" is another example where the whole truth is being smudged for the purposes of societal acceptance. Secondary transsexualism is about the evolution of gender identity through crossdressing.

I do wonder if it is not more prevalent that people like to think it is. I can see it in this forum, in the many threads where the CDs say they would like to be women and do everything biologically that women do, yet they say they are not TS, nor do they wish to rid themselves of their male anatomy. It is difficult for a GG to rid herself of doubts about her SO when so many CDs seem to be in denial about themselves.

Their official line apparently is that crossdressing is primarily about emotions and release from stress and thus sexuality is minimized as an irrelevant side issue. The truth is the sexual angle is the dominant behavior for large numbers of CDs.
I guess the objective of Tri-ess is to make CDing as compatible and non-threatening as possible to encourage SO acceptance. Along the way truth lost out.

I see your, Michelia's and Misty's points about Tri-Ess and I do understand why they've adopted their stance. I wish they were more honest though, since eventually the wives who do accept the CDing will sense the deeper desires, it will affect their sex lives, and not having been told the truth up front can cause all kinds of issues.

I suppose I can understand a CD not wanting to tell his GG partner that he fantasizes about wanting to be a woman with a man. When you think of it, it should be obvious if you look at the way he dresses, in the same clothes that a GG would wear in order to attract men. Along the same vein, a non-CD husband wouldn't want to draw attention to the fact that he fantasizes about young hotties on a regular basis. I guess most men have the understanding that women would see this as a betrayal, since GGs tend to think about sex entirely differently. *Groan* and a GG married to a CD now has to contend with a double whammy! Her husband dreaming of young hotties AND sexy men!

But seriously, I need some time to absorb all your points. In all honesty, this thread is making me reexamine how I feel about having the CDing in my life.