I wasn't trying to be a downer; but I really like people to be prepared for reality.
I don't think we can generalize about what women want any more than we can generalize about what men want
Uh, yes we can. I didn't get my information out of thin air. Look at what and who women 'in general' are attracted to, and guess what? It's not feminine guys! Same for the reverse; men 'in general' want young prime fertility age, healthy looking women, with a waist to hip ratio of approximately 70%, and again guess what, men predominantly prefer feminine women, not women with men's haircuts wearing steel toed shoes and men's suits. Yes, there are anomolies. But by percentage, really not many. Yes, you can take statistics and view them any way you want; but as an example, in a high school, at least half the girls would consider dating a football team member, probably more. Less than 1% would want to date a crossdresser. So, yes, we can generalize and be quite sure we're on the right track.
I have known, and know, many TS, TG, CDs who are attractive, busy, happy folks. If people like something about you, they like you and overlook a lot of "the other stuff."
They will overlook a lot of other stuff, but crossdressing is a deal breaker for nearly all of them, especially when it comes down to choosing a mate. And if you push the issue, if they find out you're a crossdresser, they won't want you around their young children. Ever. Try showing up for a babysitting appointment for a 6 year old while in drag. Think they'll let you stay?? Uhhhh, not likely.
Tolerance is one thing, acceptance quite another.
This is a concept that a lot of people fail to grasp. Basically, most people adopt a 'not in my back yard' policy regarding crossdressing. We're no longer routinely in physical danger of being beaten or killed just because we crossdress, but no one's chasing us down the road to be our friends or lovers either.
I was really disappointed to find that the crossdresser dating site I joined is mainly full of guys showing their privates, wanting to hook up with TV/TS people for sex.
Yes, that's the general experience. No women. None.
it's not down to the crossdressing to make us accept or reject our partners, it's about respect, chemistry, personality, etc.
Babeba, unfortunately, that sentiment doesn't hold true for most women (I only wish it did!). I don't try to present all my good points vs. the crossdressing; there's just the feminine connotations that seems to destroy any sexual attraction most women might feel for us. I understand it. I don't necessarily like it, but I understand it.
But meeting someone new, who is dressed? There is little enough reason to approach a stranger on the street, and to be honest I think it would be a bit daunting to just randomly approach someone who was out in femme - what are we supposed to say? Do we mention that we noticed they're actually genetically male? Do we just dance around it (although honestly I would probably be dying to ask a bunch of stupid questions and be kind of afraid of sounding like and ignorant ass?)
And this contradicts another person's advice, to get out there and be ourselves 'en femme' in places where women can see us for who we are. Interesting, is all I can say right now, because now once again I don't know which way to go. A guy who says he supposedly has success going out dressed, vs a woman who says she wouldn't approach a guy who is.
As Babeba so beautifully put it, you have to make an effort.
You can make all the effort you want. If someone isn't attracted to you, or more specifically, if there's something about you that turns them off sexually, there's nothing you can do to change that. We have no conscious decision making that lets us decide what turns us on, and what turns us off. None. It's not a choice. If it were, I'd choose to be turned on by short, fat, ugly, smelly women with bad dispositions, lousy complexions and bad hair. I'd be having so much sex that I 'd have to quit my job. Life doesn't work like that.
Of all the women that I am friends with, I have told 6-7 of them that I am a CD. Guess what? It made no difference to them at all. In fact, it drew us closer as friends.
Yes. Friends. NOT girlfriends. There is a difference. And not everyone that expresses interest in someone who's 'taken' will actually follow up on that; it's easy to say it, because you don't actually have to 'show up on game day'. I've known many married people that profess to single unattractive ones that if only they were single, they'd date the other person in a second, yet in private, admit they'd do nothing of the sort. And, I've also seen many single men tell ugly married women how sexy they are, and that there must be something wrong with their husbands if he's not 'totally hot' for her. I'm not saying your friends are insincere, but it is always possible they were telling you what you wanted to hear; friends do that.
I do have friends that I hang out with occasionally, but most of them don't know about Lisa. It isn't that I think they'd shut me out for it, but they wouldn't want to see that side of me, either.
That's what I've experienced. I've slowly made clandestine inquiries about crossdressing, whenever any even remotely related subject comes up in conversation. I don't see any positive viewpoints returned; at best, they just don't care either way, but that's not a positive thing at all, and you can be sure that when people respond like that, if they were confronted with it, they'd want nothing to do with us.