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Quote Originally Posted by Miss Misery View Post
We don't know that any of this is what she believes or feels but can only assume from her reaction that this is true.
It might be an assumption but it is a highly logical one. There would be few other ranges of emotions for her to feel if the OP's description of her reaction is true. And being its an extremely common reaction expressed on here by many GGs its not to much of an assumption.

No, I have to disagree here. Giorgi has done what he can, albeit not as soon as some here think is appropriate, BUT he did put it out there AND is going to stop or trying to. Now the ball is in her court so to speak. She can show some compassion for his struggle regardless of whether she decides whether or not she can stay married to him.
I meant that Giorgi needs to give his wife more time than simply a month to come to grips with things. Compassion should be both ways but making it sound like his wife has none for him is also just as harsh. She might have compassion for his struggle but so must he show some for hers as well.

I think her behavior has more to do with the repulsion at the thought of men dressing as women more than the deceit.
I believe that's a bigger assumption than I was making!

In fact, I think this point about the deceit being the issue is sort of a "red herring" - Sure no one wants to feel deceived by their spouse but isn't it also about the nature of the deception that causes the hurt.
Does that play a factor that he's a CDer? Of course. But is the lies and deceit a "red herring"? You'll be hard pressed to find a GG on this site who has gone through something similar who would agree with that. Many GGs on here express how they might have had a much easier time accepting the CDing had they not felt they had been lied to for so long.

Example- If a husband said he was working late every Monday night but was actually going down to the pub with the boys to watch Monday Night Football, that's deceiving but I doubt it would receive the same response that the same scenario would if that husband admitted that he'd been dressing up as a woman on those Monday nights. What's the difference? I guess you could say the CD thing is a "double deception" - what he was doing on Monday nights AND being a CD.
Actually, I think it would elicit the same response, but here's why... claiming your working late but really going to a pub can easily be interpreted as you going there to meet up with someone for extra marital activities and CDing often implies that to a GG who doesn't know anything about CDing. Its an assumption on many GGs' part that CDing is primarily sexual.

My point is it seems disingenuous to put all the SO's hurt on the act of deception itself - it does have to do with the nature of the deception - in this case being a CD. Not the same thing as being a closet trumpet player.
I think its incorrect to assume it would be only CDing that would elicit the reaction. It could be anything that makes a partner feel that there is something sexual going on or an implication that the marriage isn't "enough".

A stripper is being compared to a CD? One is totally based on performance for others enjoyment while the other can be done without involving anyone else. What if you found out she liked to wear men's clothing? Not so dramatic. How is a CDer automatically sharing with a whole group of people his spouse never knew? - a stripper, sure.
Actually, stripping can be done in private as well but that's neither here or there. And I've tried the men's clothing argument and all I ever get met with is the "I'd love it if my wife did that! I'd get to be the woman!" So I don't bother with that one anymore. I don't think comparing it to a stripper is dramatic either being most of the strippers I know don't go home with any of the customers, aren't into men most of the time and are doing it to feel attractive and/or make money.

And even being here on forums is sharing CDing with people outside the marriage. Being its not uncommon for many CDers now a days to be on forums like this, its not a stretch of the imagination to make such a statement. Especially since the OP stated he was giving it up to his wife and yet is on here sharing the experience (this is in no way saying he shouldn't, just making an example).

Whew - I'm getting worn out. But my last comment is, as individuals we can choose to accept others with their human bagage or not. We make foolish mistakes and try to make amends when possible but acceptance ultimately lies in the heart of the individual. All any of us can do is wish Giorgi luck.
Don't get worn out! These debates are great for other's to learn from! :D I think its thought provoking answers that make the best threads. But I digress a bit...

I agree with your last statement. [/SIZE]