As a minister I have seen Jesus cure addictions and diseases more times that I could count., but as hard as I prayed here I am. He did help me to love myself finally, and the wife that took off because of it.
I am thinking He had a reason for not making my mind match my body.
Em
Living with a heel in each world.
I'm sure it is tough right now, but this is the first step to the solution! I surely hope that the road is easier than it now seems. A couple of thoughts:
I am a committed catholic. In a recent thread, the OP had spoken to a priest (as she was going to church en femme and didn't want to blindside the pastor) and the priest said, and I quote, "It is not a sin to crossdress". That seems to make it pretty straightforward! Many of us here are committed to our religions so you might need to quietly mention this to your wife.
On the other side of the coin, my wife is completely supportive and my rock of refuge for Tina (my femme self). As we worked out who Tina is (we were married 32 years when Tina first appeared in our lives) one of the agreements is that when she wants her man, she gets him. My male side isn't going anywhere, and if that's the same with you, I strongly suggest that you make that very very clear to your wife. I'm sure much of her anxiety is that of losing you as her husband.
Lastly, hang in there. Letting her know you are still her husband and that the world has not been rent asunder will go a long way to keeping her secure and connected.
Tina
I agree.. We're all children of God, created in his image. He had a reason for making us this way. I think you owe it to Him to explore it and find out his purpus for making you this way.Originally Posted by Jason+
Seems like the best bet to me. However, i think when one mixes CDing and Christianity, it gives one the desire to go to church en-fem..
Christy, Maybe Jesus could help her accept you as you are.
I have been in the closet for more than 30 years. I doubt she ever noticed but the were times she suspected. I used to buy her gifts which since we were within 2" height of each other which I could wear e.g. leather coats and jackets.
Regretably she passed away after catching asperation pneumonia.
Since then I came out of the closet and openly addopted a feminime lifestyle.I bought leather pants, satin blouses and bought 3 wigs.
Being 67 years I went for the first time to a beauty salon to have my appearance improved ( eyebrows shaped feminine, nails laquered pale pink, and of course using lipstick.
I met some "sisters" in a restaurant and joined a group of ladies ( some of them were lesbians) who really welcomed me. I went on trips with my new friends.
I am really enjoying my new life style being in public without fear of being recognized. Would love to hear from sisters with similar experience.
So you intend to make the same mistake twice?
If you and your wife do decide to go your separate ways, do yourself and any future prospective partners a huge favor and work out your gender issues before getting into any more serious relationships, and be upfront about them. Tell right away, not after the partner has been deceived into thinking that you're not a CD.
Carol
My name is Carol.
People routinely use their religious beliefs to justify their close mindedness. If your wife believes God is on her side then you have no hope. The fact that she has already given you an ultimatum in the past indicates she is willing to put everything on the line to get her way.
I agree with others - it is your wife's prejudice that needs to be cured not you. But if your church is conservative and backs your wife's POV then the best of luck, you will need it.
I where the same glasses in femme and en masculine and I can see Jesus just fine through them. Id just tell her to piss off and go find someone more deserving of your time.
It would be the third time. For some reason, I have relied heavily on relationshiops to "cure" me. I know that this is neither probable or possible. I have grown up my whole life believing that there is something wrong with me for this and I still haven't fully accepted myself as Christy. I am sure it will come in time. On the wife front, she is talking seriously about setting boundries so I may be able to keep the love of my life and express Christy with some degree of regularity. I know her concerns and she understands, now, that this will probably never go away. She doesn't want to lose her family over this any more tahn I do so it looks like we might be able to work through it together.So you intend to make the same mistake twice?
Carol
Thanks, again, for all the support and feedback. It sends me further down the path to self acceptance. between this forum and my wife's support, it should be much easier.
Christy
Therein lies the problem. How can you expect a wife to understand, if you don't accept yourself?
More importantly, how can you expect a wife to accept if you cannot tell her for sure whether you will want to become a woman or not, as you stated in your first post?
If you've spent your life trying to purge Christy because you felt she was not a part of a "normal" man's life and that your wives deserved better, it makes sense to me that your repressed feelings have prevented you from fully knowing how far you want to take it. And perhaps the same repressed feelings have caused you to reach a point of over-romanticizing life as a woman, to the point where you do not know if you are TS or not.
I may be off the mark here, but it seems to me that if you had instead given yourself permission to be Christy free of guilt, you might have reached a place of balance and would now be able to also enjoy your male side. This would have made it easier to tell your wife in all honesty that you are a CD, not a TS, and she might not feel so threatened over potentially losing her husband.
If you can't tell your wife that you do want to continue being her husband and you do not intend on living full-time, I'm afraid the likelihood that she will eventually understand and come to accept the CDing is slim. Many wives can and do get over their initial objections once they educate themselves and if they feel the CDing will not threaten their marriages.
Please think about this. It would be a shame to have your marriage end simply because you've repressed Christy too much.
Reine
I have read all the posts on this one and concluded that my wife is correct about you and me and our entire commuity. We will not change, there is no cure when there is nothing wrong.We were born this way and you can deny it all you like. Hide it all you like but that will change nothing it will still be there. My wife didn't like crossdressing because of the hiding and lieing. I did it for years and saw the pain it caused for both of us. Now she has found the solution which I think makes sense. If I can't be a full time male and since I keep getting more and more fem. then I will live as a woman full time. This way as she says there will be no more lieing and hiding. Lets stop blaming even ourselves and everyone else all the way to god. Lets just be what we are and move on with life. I think it is the only way to be accepted by others. Life is confusing enough. I am not saying that this is the answer for everyone but for now in our world I do not see another answer.
my Mother tried to "cure" me with God,but It didn't work,I had no hope of understanding from my parents from the start,being that one was strict Scottish Presbyterian and the other a devout Catholic,I met with religious Councellors at that time,and in my first marriage but to no avail
I would think in your situation the only solution will be found without the spectre of religion muddying the waters,I hope it works out in the end for you both
Sophie xx
We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire
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A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
A man who loves to emulate these women is a special flower-a roseFacebook:Sophie Johnson
Gerri, I'm glad your wife is so accepting, I really am.
But the issue is that many wives do stop their support short of having their husbands live full time femme. I don't know if this is a question of age, if it does get easier after retirement. But I do know that not all women will be able to do this, and so another solution as I see it is (if possible ... if the TG is not TS), to go ahead and express the femme self free of guilt, have lots of time to do this and enjoy it to the fullest, while attempting to also reach a balance with enjoying the male self. Providing of course that a marriage with a wife who is not prepared to share her life with another woman full time is worth it to the TG.
I do want to emphasize this would not work if the TG is transsexual.
Last edited by ReineD; 09-03-2010 at 02:00 PM.
Reine
Christy,
CDing for you (or any of us) isn't going away. How can a part of your core go away? To deny that part of yourself isn't being true to yourself, and another person's intolerance isn't fair to you. You've heard this before, but you're the same person your wife has always known and loved.
I've just very, very recently opened up to my wife who accepts that I'm a crossdresser. She and I are even shopping for girl clothes this weekend. I'm one of the lucky few, apparently. I want this support for you. I've also been going to therapy for a couple of months and I've learned to honor my authentic self. That means accepting everything about myself, including CDing. Once I realized this, I knew I had to have a talk with my wife. It's the scariest thing I've ever done, but it was worth it. And it was the right thing for you to do. I don't think a person can live a fulfilled life without complete self-acceptance. Please learn to love yourself and celebrate every part of you. You deserve it. If others see the positive difference in you, they may just agree with you that everything that makes up Christy is wonderful.
Call me naive, but God loves you just the way you are. (S)he knows all and sees all. You don't need fixing!! Don't allow yourself to be made to feel broken, inferior, or in need of a Jesus-curing. The thought that any of us needs "curing" is ignorant and extremely insulting. Honestly, you would not be the person you are without CDing. If you had a magic wand to remove CDing from your life, would you wave it? Do you honestly want that? I don't and I don't think you do either.
I don't mean to be "preachy". I just want to give support from someone who has recently had the same conversation with their most loved one. It's a corny, overused line, but be true to yourself. At the very least, you must do that.
Wow...I believe that all feedback is cause for self reflection and this valuable nugget has me more confused than I already was. Of course I know this is possible. Could my desire to be normal be pushing me to maintain some peripheral stereotypical manly things so I don't wander to far to the femme side? This will certainly be a topic of my discussion for my therapist next week.
You are right I have romanticized being female as I was growing up. I think that ended years ago but I do still think about what if. I know telling my wife was important for a number of reasons including trying to gain some self acceptance. Maybe now I should figure out how to deal with this new fear that I may not know the end point for quite some time.
The more Christy comes out of her shell, the more I don't understand what it means.
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