Quote Originally Posted by sissystephanie View Post
Sorry if this comes across kind of tough, but it is the only way I know of to say these things!

I have no idea how old you are or how long you have been a CD. But I do know one thing for sure! You are a man, and you married your wife as a man!!!
It doesn't come across as tough. I appreciate the feedback. I am 45 and the first time I can remember being in a dress was when I was 4. The first time I knowingly put on girls shoes was when I was 7 or 8. I have struggled with the shame, guilt, purging, et al for most of my life. I know very well what I am and I know all too well the labels that have been put on me (us) over the years. Some people come across as self righteous because they had the balls to talk openly about this to their loved ones while a good number of us stay confused for years trying to figure all this out.

I am a man. I have this huge physiological(?) or psychological(?) or emotional(?) monkey on my back that has affected my life for over forty years. My wife deserves to be with someone who can take care of her the way she needs. I hope that is me but would never expect that she has to accept this part of me. Unfortunately, this part of me comes with the rest of me.

The one thing I have noticed here is that there is no "one size fits all" answer to everyone's struggle with being transgendered (or whatever stage of cross dressing they may find themselves). It would be great if we all had the courage you showed in coming out before your marriage. From your other posts I have gathered you two shared a great life together. I commend you for that and hope the best for you. I have had two previous marriages where one knew and the other didn't. In both cases my feeling about this aspect of my life never got better...even as my first wife and I enjoyed Christy for quite a few years.

I am fairly certain that if my current wife were to toss me out, I would ultimately find another woman to spend my life with. That would probably start without talking about Christy. Not because she doesn't exist but because she is not what a "normal" man brings to a relationship. Of course this is both my opinion and my hell that I have to carry with me through the rest of my days.

I say all this to say "please accept me (and everyone else on this board) for who we are because I believe most of us don't believe anyone else will. I came here for community of similar (not the identical) souls in order to find peace and solace in other's stories and experiences. Just because we don't handle this aspect of our lives the same way doesn't make us less worthy of happiness with those we love and want to be with.