Why are we so afraid of being thought of as Gay?

[Nicole Erin]

I prefer women.
I care less if someone thinks I prefer men.
I am not wanting a relationship.

When someone finds out I am TS of course they always say, OK so you want to be a woman yet you like women, are you lesbian? Wait I don't get it..."

Here is my most honest preference - I prefer to not be in a relationship cause I don't need to put up with someone's crap just because I supposedly "love" them or they have fantasies about a relationship or family. I did that for 14 years, I ain't going back to it.

[JustineFallow]

Most crossdressers love men or at least have fantasies about being with a handsome man that will hold her, protect her and make her feel petite feminine and girly. CDs are women born with mens bodies. It takes time for them to accept their attraction towards men just as it takes time for them to have the confidence to go out en femme. Men love to see a CD in stockings and heels and spoil her

Why do I get the feeling that most of your posts here are typed with one hand?

[NicoleScott]

I was recently hanging out with some friends of mine who happen to be Gay and the conversation came up about why Gay folk don't really care for Heterosexual Male to Female crossdressers. The answer " They are always going on about not being Gay. I understand that they are not but it gets kind of tiring hearing it, and sometimes it is offensive!

Let me get this straight. I'm not gay but I'm not allowed to say so because a gay person might be offended by it? Give me a break. I'm tired of all this super-sensitivity. Tell your gay friends to read these posts and the many valid reasons we say we're not gay. And get over it.

[DaphneGrey]

Let me get this straight. I'm not gay but I'm not allowed to say so because a gay person might be offended by it? Give me a break. I'm tired of all this super-sensitivity. Tell your gay friends to read these posts and the many valid reasons we say we're not gay. And get over it.

Read post number 44 in this thread. If you went out of your way to treat crossdressers well and help them out. You might find it a little irritating as well. My friend was speaking from personal experience. I wont be telling my friends to get over anything! You can declare your sexuality by saying you are straight. If you feel the need to at all. Or you can run around shouting I am not gay to anybody who will listen. It really makes no difference to me. But if you want a clue as to why you are not looked upon with respect in the LGBT community I would say it is a good place to start. Just my two cents.

[Rianna Humble]

Let me get this straight. I'm not gay but I'm not allowed to say so

What I still don't understand after reading all the replies so far in this thread is why you (or anyone else) have to tell me that when your sexuality was never in question. Fair play if we are discussing sexual fantasies and you state something like "I am not gay so I have never fantasized about sex with a partner of the same sex", but why do we see the disclaimer repeatedly when it is out of context?

[cordgrass]

Most crossdressers love men or at least have fantasies about being with a handsome man that will hold her, protect her and make her feel petite feminine and girly. CDs are women born with mens bodies. It takes time for them to accept their attraction towards men just as it takes time for them to have the confidence to go out en femme. Men love to see a CD in stockings and heels and spoil her

"Most"? I think I could hold, protect and make feel petite feminine and girly a crossdresser as well as a man could. And not all women want that sort of thing anyhow--why on earth would all CD's?

[DebsUK]

I'm with Daphne. The point is that a lot of CDers make a point of stressing their heterosexuality at every opportunity. It comes across as "OK, I wear a dress but at least I'm not queer!" Why the need to stress you're not gay? I don't stress that I'm not Jewish, I'm not French, I don't eat raisins, I don't agree with the fiscal policy of Greece or that I don't like Piers Morgan, and my sexual orientation is just as irrelevant to everyday conversation

[Soriya]

I think a lot of it comes down to a person not being comfortable with themselves overall. Being a Crossdresser for someone who perhaps doesn't quite understand what it is to them is hard enough and add in the association of being gay to it, which most who don't know anything about CD's will more then likely think just adds to the confusion. Also, just the stigma of being considered gay to most straight men is something they perhaps are trying to avoid due to the backlash it could bring on them from others.

I suppose it comes down to not being comfortable in ones own skin overall. My mom used to tell me this when i was young. "The guilty party is usually the one running to the street to state their case". For the most part in most situations, she is right as I have found in life. Those who broadcast over and over, go out of their way to state things without anyone ever asking usually are the ones who are hiding something, in this case, maybe themselves.

I hate labels and hate even more those who use them to defend themselves. I mean, instead of throwing that stone at that glass house, maybe one should look at the reflection staring back at them and ask themselves why they want to throw the stone in the first place. You can't change what others think no matter how hard you try.

[herwannabe]

I have NOTHING against GAYS, Straights, Bi's, Blacks, Reds, Whites or any other groups that want to be recognized,

I am what I am, and I am Michelle, and I don't like green eggs and ham nor do I not care what or who you am, You am what you am and I what I am and thru I am

[Jennifer Freeman]

If I must be labelled and categorised, I prefer to be stuck in the correct box.
Jennifer Freeman

[seanmuscle]

Again. Women often feel threatened that a man can take her place. A CD loves to feel feminine. You cannot do that for a man because he views you as a sister or gal pal. And I hate to break it to you but most women do love strong masculine men. And another thing is that women who are into CD SOMETIMES have cases where they were abused or hurt by a dominant male figure or are bisexual. The woman is using the CD to feel safe and secure while the CD is using the woman to validate his heterosexuality. It all starts of with clothes, then makeup, then eventually men. how many times have you heard a CD say they want to get dolled up in stockings, garter, corset and dress and deep red lipstick and look up into the eyes of a handsome man while they lie their head on his broad chest? CD love to feel safe, secure, protected and feminine just like a normal girl.

[cordgrass]

Again. Women often feel threatened that a man can take her place. A CD loves to feel feminine. You cannot do that for a man because he views you as a sister or gal pal. And I hate to break it to you but most women do love strong masculine men. And another thing is that women who are into CD SOMETIMES have cases where they were abused or hurt by a dominant male figure or are bisexual. The woman is using the CD to feel safe and secure while the CD is using the woman to validate his heterosexuality. It all starts of with clothes, then makeup, then eventually men. how many times have you heard a CD say they want to get dolled up in stockings, garter, corset and dress and deep red lipstick and look up into the eyes of a handsome man while they lie their head on his broad chest? CD love to feel safe, secure, protected and feminine just like a normal girl.

You have just as much right to be here as I do, and I'm quite sure you are perfectly correct about many crossdressers here. But not the majority. And even many of the bisexual crossdressers prefer women and other crossdressers to manly men such as yourself. I'm not going to say all the things I'm thinking about in reply because I don't want to get banned, but will content myself with saying I can do anything a man can do, and I can do it better, longer and harder.

[Barbara Dugan]

I really like this thread, even when it takes other direction. I am a closeted gay crossdresser and sometimes I feel an urge to come out but I always back up because of fear of the consequences also in part of because I can't really accept myself being either gay or crossdresser. I know self acceptance is the most important thing but I feel I am struggling with acceptance at the moment.

[Pythos]

"CD love to feel safe, secure, protected and feminine just like a normal girl."

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

OMG. Are you fraggin kidding me. I (that is me) want to look into the eyes of my FEMALE lover while lying in lap as she strokes my hair and runs her fingers along my chest. I want to then have a WHOLE LOTTA other stuff happen too.

My god, what a condescending paragraph I just read from the quoter of this statement.

CDers want "strong men" BLEAH!!! Not this CDer!!!

As far as I am concerned, the image and myth of the "strong man" can go the way of the do do. It is because of "strong men" we have a majority of the crap we have now a days. Wars are just penis comparisons. The arms race was just a "who's got the biggest one" contest.

Oh and what HUMAN does not want to feel loved, and safe. This is not strictly a sex thing, though it has been made such by our messed up society.

Think about this. Is a lioness helpless? Is she unable to defend herself without the male lion (with his huge main of hair)?

Why do human females have this notion of being helpless without a male around? Makes little to no sense to me when one looks at nature.

[seanmuscle]

Actually the male lions job is to protect the females and the territory... The lioness just hunts food.

[Tanya C]

I don't think it's homophobia so much as it is frustration at the strerotypes. And it cuts both ways because there are a lot of gay men who simply do not wish to be regarded as a man who is wrought with feminine affectations.

[DaphneGrey]

I don't think it's homophobia so much as it is frustration at the strerotypes. And it cuts both ways because there are a lot of gay men who simply do not wish to be regarded as a man who is wrought with feminine affectations.

How true, nobody wants to be stereotyped as anything. Gay men or women , crossdressers, or anybody else. A great point! Perhaps I don't see being percieved as Gay a problem because other than the conversations I have had with my SO it has never really been a question that needed to be answered (for me personally)

I have been out of the closet for a few years and have worked very hard to find a real place in the world. I went and found places to be where I could meet people and make friends and have a sense of purpose. I volunteered, found a progressive church, got invlved in things made friends and so forth. I shop, go to the bank, stop and buy gas etc.. Nobody has ever asked me If I were Gay. As a matter of fact the only people who ever have are other crossdressers. Even been hit on once or twice and managed to express I wasn't available without saying "I am not Gay" I usually show my wedding ring and say thats very sweet thanks but I am off the market.

I just dont see the need to qualify your sexuallity. The truth is very few people if any really care. Afterall isn't that what straight people are always saying about Gays? "I dont care if someone is Gay! I just don't want to hear about it"? or how about "I don't go around telling everybody I am straight" They certainly do around here.

If anyone takes the time to get know me, they will find out what my sexual preference is. Other than that it really doesn't matter.

The constant stressing I am not Gay comes off at best as denial or insecurity and at its worst as saying "Well at least I am not Gay" I know in many cases perhaps this is not the case. But this is the way it reads to outsiders {and more than a few insiders) Me thinks SHE does protest to much. (thanks Debs UK)

[DaphneGrey]

I really like this thread, even when it takes other direction. I am a closeted gay crossdresser and sometimes I feel an urge to come out but I always back up because of fear of the consequences also in part of because I can't really accept myself being either gay or crossdresser. I know self acceptance is the most important thing but I feel I am struggling with acceptance at the moment.

Self acceptence is the hardest thing! I am gad you like the thread, and I hope it has helped in your struggle in some way hugs.

[CaitlynRenee]

Interesting thread........

And much like the Japanese Kabuki theater actors who took female roles, many on this site my indeed be gay. Others may NOT be gay and some will fall into the 'bisexual' label. I wonder if it really matters in the grand scheme of things.

Frankly, I've never cared. I've never had to 'explain' myself.

[CaitlynRenee]

why do i get the feeling that most of your posts here are typed with one hand?

huh??

[joannemarie barker]

huh??

lol she means that he's doing something with his other hand :D which is also interesting :D

[DebsUK]

Again. Women often feel threatened that a man can take her place. A CD loves to feel feminine. You cannot do that for a man because he views you as a sister or gal pal. And I hate to break it to you but most women do love strong masculine men. And another thing is that women who are into CD SOMETIMES have cases where they were abused or hurt by a dominant male figure or are bisexual. The woman is using the CD to feel safe and secure while the CD is using the woman to validate his heterosexuality. It all starts of with clothes, then makeup, then eventually men. how many times have you heard a CD say they want to get dolled up in stockings, garter, corset and dress and deep red lipstick and look up into the eyes of a handsome man while they lie their head on his broad chest? CD love to feel safe, secure, protected and feminine just like a normal girl.

Well I could go on about what a load of ill-informed claptrap this statement actually is, and how you should maybe read a book that has more words than pictures in it, but it is difficult to communicate with the hard of thinking sometimes so I'll just say...

Shush! The adults are talking!

[Kaz]

Simple for me... I don't want to be thought of as gay because I am not... I do not want to advertise myself to people in a way that means they will be severely disappointed with who I am. This is the CD paradox.

I am who I am... it is complex and difficult to fathom, but I am learning...

[darla_g]

I don't think I've ever needed to assert that I wasn't gay, apart from to my wife.

I feel I should also add that I'm not gay. Mind you I do have some serious doubts about some of the men I've slept with

this is a classic!

[Elsa]

Before knocking down Seanmuscle comments, please go back to the thread “Crossing dressing and dating guys?” which received more than 700 posts. A very high proportion of members (80%?) said that when dressed, they are interested of being with a man. Should they be all classified as Gays? Technically yes, because the common definition of Gay is a “male” to “male “ relationship. However, if we accept that we have a woman side, it is quite understandable that with time that woman side will claim its due and ask for retribution and satisfaction, sometimes just as a fantasy. I am not convinced that we can call that type of relationship a Gay relationship. If we remove the cross-dressing side, we would not have any relationship because almost every responder insisted on the "when dressed" aspect.