Busted, Rejected........Screwed

[Hope]

I know this. I really do understand how difficult it must have been for CDers to understand about themselves prior to the internet. But, the OP has been lying to his wife even after forums such as this one were online.

No. Quite frankly you don't have any idea what it is like. You don't have any idea what it is like to be a guy and have to pretend to be super macho, and defend your masculinity even while being taunted for doing it by the people you would love nothing more than to be with. You have no idea what it is like to live in a society that is so afraid of what you are that it openly mocks, ridicules, and murders others like you who are found out. And suggesting that you do know what it like is arrogant and offensive beyond measure. Like all privileged people you are completely ignorant of your own privilege, and you honestly believe that you know what those who are not fortunate enough to be like you feel. You really have no idea.

But perhaps if you did you would stop trying so hard to justify a wife's anger around this issue.

Do not let her kick you out of the house. Refuse to leave. If you move out the courts will consider it abandonment and it will make it easier for your wife to take your kids away.

This

You aren't screwed, in a blackmail way, if you don't let her have any leverage. If she threatens to tell, say, "go ahead. I'm not ashamed of being who I am. I didn't ask for this to happen to me, but since it did, I accept who I am. In time, I hope you can to."

Maybe the marriage will last, maybe it won't, but don't live in fear.

And a double dose of this.