Quote Originally Posted by NicoleScott View Post
But Samantha is right about "no big deal" dressing. It was done in private, at little expense, not very often, and did not detract from any responsibilities as a husband or father. Are we not entitled to a little privacy, private thoughts and activities that don't affect anybody else?
There is a huge difference between a harmless hobby such as reading Harlequin romances or doing crosswords (using your examples), and hiding a fundamental part of one's gender ID and sexuality,

I'm assuming when you say it is harmless, you see Samantha's CDing as being similar to your own, which you occasionally explain here as being a fetish. (Just to be clear, I do not put down fetish dressers). But, I would be heartbroken if I found out that my husband got off on things that he hid from me for years and that did not involve me. I would liken this to wanting to be with another woman and checking his email every so often to see if she had written (as compared to logging in here), and it would be a "big deal" to me. Even if my husband was in the room with me in body most of the time, he would not be 100% present since I'm sure there is an element of looking forward to "private time" and internet time that men who do not CD in hiding do not experience. Why is this so difficult to understand?

If on the other hand the CDing is not fetish or sexual for Samantha, then it must surely have a gender ID component, and this is also a "big deal". Does this make sense?

I don't blame Samantha's wife for insisting on knowing the truth. She wants an emotionally intimate and honest relationship with her husband. It's a pity he doesn't want the same, or that he may believe it is "no big deal" to bring an activity into his marriage that is a barrier to an emotionally honest and intimate relationship as long as it is hidden.

As previously said, the hiding is a moot point now. But to believe it is harmless to keep this from a wife is not OK, whether it is fetish or not.

At this point I've contributed all I can on this topic and I will not post more in this thread.