A Simple Question...

[Holly]

Holly, I'm surprised you would ask this...

Sorry. I didn't mean to surprise you, Jonieanne . I asked the question for basically two reasons. One- I wanted to stimulate a conversation on the act of cross dressing without the encumbrances of the deception, the lying, etc that so often gets drawn into the conversation. Those are legitimate concerns and worthy of discussion as well, but I was purposely trying to keep the scope of this discussion narrow. And I appreciate all the input you and the other contributors have made. The second reason is that I was trying to discover, admittedly in a most unscientific study, if there was a common denominator in why cross dressing is viewed in such a negative way by a very large segment of the world population.

...much of crossdressing is connected to eroticism and very often in an unbalanced way. Just check the internet...

This is true but again I would ask why is this so? I would suggest that it is because of misinformation and conclusions based on that flawed information.

Most all of us have dressed because of the turn-on factor. (Just watch how many will say "Not me!!!)

Not me :D. Of course you are right; many of us have. But I would suggest that the majority of us did so during adolescence/puberty and as we became more sexually mature and self-aware, the turn-on factor diminished or completely went away. Arguably it was sexualizing something feminine by a sexually immature male.

...when our SO's find out that we like being in the female role in dress, identity and/or sex, it shatters life long ideas of how to relate. It doesn't fit the ingrain natural pattern. That doesn't mean that it's bad or something is wrong with us, but we struggle with that ourselves, how much more they may struggle. This struggle is what tears up relationships more than the crossdressing itself...

Jonianne, I really like this thought. So what we need to discover is a way to control the struggle. Any ideas?

I think the only way to change the perspective others can see, is to open up when possible and let them see inside our hearts, that we are good people - complex genderwise - but genuine good people. And that would mean showing respect to others and letting them see we may be different, but we nontheless have a good and healthy balance in our lives.

I couldn't agree more!

I think you are right, RJ.
This IS how OTHERS perceive us.
They are wrong, of course.

This is another way of saying there is a lack of understanding and more education is needed.

[QUOTE=ReineD;2397408]I know I'm speaking simplistically and in very broad terms, but the simple answer just may be that our reptilian brains (unless otherwise enlightened) view non-conformative gender and sexuality behaviors as a threat to the propagation of our species. These behaviors have been taboo in most cultures for I don't know how long. Perhaps since the beginning.[quote]Thanks for taking a stab at this, Renie. I cherish your input. You are the only GG that has had anything to say on the topic. I find that curious in itself.

You may very well be right that there is an under current of thought about the future of mankind. But I have been around here and around the community for a long time and I have never heard anyone say, "Dammit, Harry! Your cross dressing is going to end the human race." Usually it is more along the lines that it is weird, unnatural, sick, etc.

...The biological norms are this: gender matches sexuality and men and women are attracted to the opposite sex. Most people do believe that gender and sexuality are tied together. This is why the first question asked to a TG is, "Are you gay?" I also think that most people outside the GLBTQ community look away the first time they see same-sex couples being sexually affectionate. But, they don't have the same gut-level feeling when they see a man and a woman kissing...

I'd go a step further and say most people don't understand there is a difference between gender and sexuality. And just maybe this is where some education needs to take place?

Don't get me wrong, Holly ... I'm not comparing trans behaviors to pestilence or unhealthy lifestyles. I'm just trying to find a way to explain why there is such social anxiety about it.

On the plus side, we do live in an age of cognitive reasoning, and all it takes for most people is a bit of education and first-hand experience with members of the community before they lose their bias, or at least, develop some level of tolerance.

I understand the comparisons are only for illustrative purposes . And I do agree with you that we are better off today than ever before because the truth about who we are and what we are is slowly making it's way out of the closet.

Holly, I think an older cross-dresser may be able to answer the question on behalf of some gg's...

I'm a more maturetransgendered person myself, but I'd still like to hear from more GG's :D

...My wife is horrified that someone will find out. Somehow it would reflect upon her? I vividly remember my wife and her cousin whispering in the kitchen thirty years ago about the cousins close friend, who lived down the block from us. She divorced her husband because she discovered he was a cross-dresser. My god, the world came to an end. Poor woman! Isn't that disgusting

The assumption, I assume, is that it would reflect negatively on her. If you were a murderer, would it reflect negatively on her as well?

Holly: It's been two years and I've rehashed this with my wife and a psychologist (who, btw is very good with transgender issues). I don't know if I can put it as succinctly as my wife but she tells me that the brain is the largest sex organ. If I want to pretend I'm a female (sometimes) she is creeped out because no matter what I tell her, she claims she will never know when I am "feeling female" and it could very well be during sex. That brings the lesbian aspect into the picture (from her perspective). She also claims that she is attracted to a macho-type man and after seeing me (and some photos) of me enfemme, the sex appeal she once felt towards me is no longer there. It does not help that she has done extensive research and some crossdressers have admitted to having such thoughts (female) during sex.

And some women fantasize about having sexual relations with other men while with their partners. It doesn't make them unfaithful anymore than you having female thoughts makes her a lesbian.

If there is any reoccuring theme in this discussion, it seems to be that there is a pile of misinformation out there and we have a lot of educating to do before there will be a more general acceptance of the transgendered community as a whole. And I apologize for the misleading title of this thread. It's not a simple question. It is a complex issue as are most relating to the human condition. All we can do is continue to be the best people we can be and educate those willing to be educated and slowly the tide against us will turn, as I believe it is doing at this very moment. More comments are welcome.