The majority of women will never accept.

[AliceJaneInNewcastle]

I agree with what Mary Morgan has said. It's bias that is taught within society that makes many women unaccepting. In the past two decades, I have seen a clear increase in the level of acceptance.

Children have no problem with crossdressing or crossdressers until someone, usually an adult, tells them that they should. I'm finding that fewer children now take notice of such bigotry, and fewer parents appear to be teaching it than even 5 years ago.

I would agree with the statements "Many women don't currently accept" and "A few women will never accept" but I don't believe that the word "majority" is correct even today, and as society is gradually becoming less bigoted against us, the proportion who don't accept is diminishing.

I know a few women who have no problem with men who are not their partner being crossdressers, but would have a problem if their partner was. The number so far is 2 in over a 50 women that I have asked this question of over the years.

As with the fear of rejection, ridicule, etc from going out in public or being out about crossdressing, I would have to say that "The majority of women will never accept" is a pessimistic perception in the mind of a crossdresser.

[silhouette]

y women don't currently accept" and "A few women will never accept" but I don't believe that the word "majority" is correct even today, and as society is gradually becoming less bigoted against us, the proportion who don't accept is diminishing.

well i am part of the young generation and i can tell you that the majority of women in my experience were turned off by it when i went public 2 months ago with this talent. some were turned on to it.. so it's not a universal thing. cross dressing may be making an increase in acceptance but it's still not mainstream. at least not in my area or community of friends.

when they see a guy dancing in stripper heels that looks prettier than most girls, it raises questions.. just the way it is.
it's still new to people, maybe the majority attitude will change once they get used to it

[donnatracey]

Mmm, maybe things are different "down under" but there is little doubt in my mind that the "majority" of women still here don't accept cross dressing. Just look at the posts on this board.....

[t-girlxsophie]

I would have to agree Suzy that there is still a majority of women who simply wouldn't entertain living their lives with a CDer,but I would say through sites like this we are learning that being honest from the outset Is the only way to alter that statistic.As I have said before My Wife knew from the beginning even before meeting me,that I was a Crossdresser,we talked about everything that entailed,but she also knew the drab side too and if anything that part of me was what first attracted her to me.I firmly believe things will change

I have only known a small handful of CDs that were out in the REAL world presenting themselves with dignity and respect. It might be a surprise but these small handful of people actually earn the respect of people while they are out in the real world.

It's clear you don't think much of CDs if you are saying that its only those out in the world that have dignity and respect,There is many decent Crossdressers living their lives behind close doors who are loving and caring to their loved ones needs.they arent selfish and dont push them to extremes.

[suzy1]

Thank you for all your interesting comments.
I would just like to point out the reason for my post.
The point I was trying to get across was to see it from there [the SOs] point of view. That in many cases as much compassion should be felt for them as the crossdresser. [Perhaps more in some cases] It would be very unfair to apportion any blame to a woman for not liking her partner dressing up as a women.

Thank you, SUZY

[BRANDYJ]

Thank you for all your interesting comments.
I would just like to point out the reason for my post.
The point I was trying to get across was to see it from there [the SOs] point of view. That in many cases as much compassion should be felt for them as the crossdresser. [Perhaps more in some cases] It would be very unfair to apportion any blame to a woman for not liking her partner dressing up as a women.

Thank you, SUZY

Suzy, I totally agree. I think way to many CD's are so disappointed, so hurt or even mad that they didnot get the acceptance that they wanted, that they forget how the SO must feel. I too look at it from a GG's perspective (as much as my male mind lets me). I can't fault anyone for what they feel, think, or have been socialized to believe. There is no right or wrong. It just is the way they are concerning their feelings toward us CD's. But given time, compassion, love and patience, I think most loving GG's can overcome whatever dislike or fears they might have being with a CD partner.

[SuzanneBender]

Suzy interesting thread and always one that spurs a lot of interesting discussion. I assert that this isn't rocket science. The women in our lives, in all likelihood, fell in love with a male image. My bride fell in love with a wiry 6' tall manly man she didn't fall in love with a leggy 6' tall blond woman. Her life was turned upside down by all of this. We have had years to accept this, but many of us expect them to accept it overnight which isn't fair. I have heard many people say that if you are truly in love it will prevail. I am no longer sure. If love could cure all I wouldn't be on this site. I am still holding out hope for the fact that love can help with finding a way to make all of this work for everyone involved.

[Gillian Gigs]

Some good comments from everyone. When I first came out to my SO, one of her biggest concerns was that I was going to be more feminine than her. Judging from what I have read on the forums that are out there, this is a valid concern. Like someone else said, "women want a man in there life and not another woman, because women like men". Aside from personal issues, I think that a good CDing husband needs to show his SO his manly side also. It is like walking a tightrope, good luck.

[ChristiesGurl]

Do you girls think that some GG women do not accept crossdressing partners because they are insecure in their own relationship and feel threatened by another female presence. I know in my case my wife and I had a very strong relationship and this would seem to be the case for several others on this forum who don't seem to have problems being accepted............

When I found myself attracted to a CD'er I thought it made me a lesbian. I took quite a hard look at myself and discovered I'm not, but I would have been fine with it if I had discovered I was (I would consider a relationship with a woman if the sparks flew). In fact, being a lesbian would have been much easier for me in a lot of ways....

Perhaps actually accepting and even finding an attaction for it confuses the woman about her own sexuality as well has having concerns about the man's sexuality. Maybe it's being secure in your sexuality and loving your SO enough to not worry abou theirs... and knowing that no matter what they won't cheat on you. Communication is probably a big factor in being secure.

when they see a guy dancing in stripper heels that looks prettier than most girls, it raises questions.. just the way it is.
it's still new to people, maybe the majority attitude will change once they get used to it

Questions? Yeah, like "How do I get her number?" ;-)

My bride fell in love with a wiry 6' tall manly man she didn't fall in love with a leggy 6' tall blond woman. Her life was turned upside down by all of this.

And that really is the whole thing in a nut shell. I'm accepting because I discovered my attraction for crossdressers. I like to think had my ex SO come out to me as a crossdresser I would have been accepting, but... I'll never know. I think it's quite one thing to know what you like and to have something you never knew existed about your SO sprung on you.

[PretzelGirl]

I am going to buck the trend here. I don't think women on the whole are as unaccepting as some of us make them out to be. At least at the base level. Yes, it makes a big difference if they are your wife, but there are far more women out there then just your wife so the statement that the majority won't accept includes them.

I think there are two major parts to acceptance. First is the way the person was raised and the social influences in their life. This is a hard thing to overcome or change, so it is what it is. Second is how we present ourselves to them and act around them. I think we do more damage to their perception of us then they can possibly do on their own. Look at all the discussions around here about hiding, sneaking around, lying, etc.... I wouldn't accept that either. Or even if we come out to them, how many of us turn it into a "secret agent" thing where there is always hiding and game playing? I would find that tiring also. One thing that I think has helped my development was that I listen to my family and friends when they say to just do something (like to stop worrying about something). They are right and if I didn't listen, they would grow tired of my antics. This behavior is what can make people start becoming unaccepting.

Do I thing all is rosy and everyone should be accepting? Absolutely not. But I also don't think it should be directly associated with women just not being accepting. I think the majority have a base level of acceptance in them, then it is our presentation of ourselves (not physical, just overall) and our continuing behavior that determines how accepting they stay.

[JulieK1980]

In my own humble opinion, I simply don't see this trend of non-acceptance.

After a horrible breakup caused by my ex-fiance discovering my crossdressing back in my early 20's, I swore to never begin a relationship without letting the person know up-front first. While I did of course come across a lot of women that simply would never accept it, the VAST majority either didn't care, were intrigued by it, or actively loved the idea. I think the assumption that genetic girls are not accepting comes from many that tell their wives after 20 years of marriage. From all I've seen it's the lie that causes the issue, not the crossdressing itself. I think many of us use the crossdressing as a scapegoat for our other less than desirable traits. It's easier to blame the dressing, than it is to accept our own character flaws, (such as lying.) Of course there is also the generational gap, maybe because I'm in my early 30's I see a different sampling of woman than those in their 40's and 50's.

Ultimately I've had many relationships fail over the years, but only ONE was ever related to the crossdressing. Most failed simply because I'm a hard person to live with. Not because I like to wear a dress. I've found my bisexuality for example to be a MUCH bigger issue to women, than wearing a dress. Even that pales to the number of relationships that failed because I'm a stubborn mule-headed fool.

Just looking at numbers though, if only 10% of woman accepted us, that would leave about 20 million women in the US that would happily date a crossdresser.

[sandra-leigh]

I go out and openly cross-dress and gender-bend. I have encountered very few women who have communicated discomfort or dislike about it. Let's see... six? And that includes the store clerk on her first day who was flustered more than anything, as she had never before experienced a seeming male asking to try on a skirt (she'd been fine helping me select things for myself.) Of the two that gave nasty looks, one was someone I had seen around a few times before and had a frown for everyone and everything; the other was a demanding woman who waltzed in to a nail salon, started trying to order people around, and was upset that the staff were dawdling about serving her, but were being attentive to me.

The active dislike I get is not much, but what there is of it is expressed far more vocally by males in the roughly 10 to 22 range. Pack age.

The women who give any indication of having noticed what I'm wearing tend to smile, or even chat. I am much more accepted socially when I'm gender bending or Dressed than when I'm apparently pure male.

Do these women take it the step further of "asking me out" or indicating they would like to be asked out? Well, not never, but generally NO. I've only ever had two "dates" in my life, both long before I had any idea I was a cross-dresser. I'm not "on the market", but based upon the reactions I have encountered, I'm relatively sure that if I were, I would find it easier to get dates now, as a known cross-dresser, then I ever had as a "male".

[ReineD]

The point I was trying to get across was to see it from there [the SOs] point of view. That in many cases as much compassion should be felt for them as the crossdresser. [Perhaps more in some cases] It would be very unfair to apportion any blame to a woman for not liking her partner dressing up as a women.

I agree, it's not easy to navigate for either spouse and thanks for pointing out the wife's POV.

But another thing to keep in mind is, the higher degree of gender dysphoria, the fewer GGs will be able to whole heartedly accept trans expression, IMO. In other words, I think it is much easier for a hetero GG to come to terms with a husband who is dualgender (who wishes to express both aspects of his/her gender alternatively) than one who is unhappy in his male self and who wishes to eradicate his male gender.

Our forum members are all at different points along the gender continuum, so it is not surprising there are so many different opinions as to a GG's limits of acceptance and support.

[Lucy_Bella]

To be honest, I don't believe it has anything at all to do with dressing and more to do with how one expresses themself while dressed.. I feel, that for a GG in some cases ( most ) she fell in love with a man , not a man who wishes to express his/her femme side 24/7 after a few years in a relationship. I feel that this is where the GG feels cheated ,lure and lied to about her mate when in a relationship with a Transgender person..
If open and honest about the degree or spectrume level from the start or atleast telling your protental mate you are Transgender before or at the start of dating would make a big differance.. At the point the door is opened and choices can be easily made. We as Transgender'd males seeking mates complain about rejection due to expressing our true feelings with no acception from our mates is mostly our faults.. We go into a relationship assured we can stop dressing then only find out in time this isn't always true . So from the start , if rejected ,then yes a very shallow and un educated GG.. But never finding out down the road the big surprise..
I can only speak for myself as I express my feeling to a GG who would spring such an event on me after falling in love with her.. Would I accept that she has hairy leggs ,draws or glues on facial hair and shaves her head? Could I take he out in public or around my family or friends? Could I find her attractive still?

[Pythos]

But then there are the gender benders, like myself in many ways. Look at the sort of derision we get, even on this forum. Look at the "wouldn't it be strange" thread, or whatever it is called, and see what I mean. Many members here think it is better to present in full fem rather than a mix of the two, due to not confusing the general public. Because too many think in the binary. So what should done is entirely hide one's true sex. Yea that will earn respect.

If it is not about the clothes then why do we run the risk of ridicule, laughter, and a trip to the house of pain, if we choose to wear a skirt in public and NOT present as a woman? Why is it in the forums concerning men in skirts there are droves of women saying "I think it is great as long as it is not MY man"?

I do wonder how the women wearing jeans would have fared had the internet existed in those times. I wonder how many men would look at a woman in jeans of that time and gafaw at it, like I have seen some women do when it comes to men wearing leggings in place of jeans.

[Lucy_Bella]

But then there are the gender benders, like myself in many ways. Look at the sort of derision we get, even on this forum. Look at the "wouldn't it be strange" thread, or whatever it is called, and see what I mean. Many members here think it is better to present in full fem rather than a mix of the two, due to not confusing the general public. Because too many think in the binary. So what should done is entirely hide one's true sex. Yea that will earn respect.

If it is not about the clothes then why do we run the risk of ridicule, laughter, and a trip to the house of pain, if we choose to wear a skirt in public and NOT present as a woman? Why is it in the forums concerning men in skirts there are droves of women saying "I think it is great as long as it is not MY man"?

I do wonder how the women wearing jeans would have fared had the internet existed in those times. I wonder how many men would look at a woman in jeans of that time and gafaw at it, like I have seen some women do when it comes to men wearing leggings in place of jeans.

Good points Pythos, However I enjoy seeing women in jeans .. I think they look very attractive and still keep their Femme apperance ..When most women wear jeans they normally buy jeans made for women and are not out to emulate a man when wearing them.. Not to rain on your post just my opinion..

[2SpeedTranny]

Well... first, I don't believe that it's really a majority of women who have a problem with it. My perspective may be colored a bit by my age. What might be said of many 50+ women is not likely true of 30- women.

That said... it doesn't matter anyway. Crossdressers aren't a majority of men. We're a minority. So as long as there is a minority of women who at the least think it's cute, and my experience has demonstrated this to be true, then there is balance in the force.

Now, on an individual basis, if you think there aren't any women for you, then you're right. Moping about certain of your own undesirability is a self-fulfilling prophecy; you'll die a hermit.

[IMkrystal]

I wish more GG would honestly response to a post like this, because it gives insight into what or how Crossdressers can be better at sharing this part of themselves with women. This website continues to be a good source of information. If nearly 10% of the male populations is involved with activities expressed on this website I wish more GGs would interact with other parts of this forum just out of curiosity!

[ReineD]

If nearly 10% of the male populations is involved with activities expressed on this website I wish more GGs would interact with other parts of this forum just out of curiosity!

I don't want to derail the thread, but I think a TG ratio of 1:10 is highly optimistic. I think it's more in the vicinity of 1:250, or 1:500.

[LilSissyStevie]

So What? If 1% of hetero males were CDs then 99% of GGs could dispise it and there would still be a mate for everyone. We just have to look a little harder.

[Joanne f]

I wish more GG would honestly response to a post like this,:

The problem you have is what do they respond to , yes i know it says the majority will never accept cross dressers but you have to have a point of reference , as in cross dressing to what degree.
I expect quite a few will accept the wearing of underwear, a lot will accept the wearing of skirts , slightly less the wearing of dress`s then you get on to the full works , some will accept that some of the time but when you get to 24/7 and going out then there are going to be a lot less so there are to many variants for them to respond to , some one should ask " to what degree of cross dressing would you happily accept .

[CharleneT]

Suzy, like others have said, thank you for pointing out the other side of the fence. You are right that both partners need support and understanding.

I'd like to throw in a thought, if women knew from the beginning about a particular man's TG side, then they could make an informed decision about moving forward with their feelings/attraction. I think that a lot of the turmoil that engulfs relationships with a gender variant person are because of the "surprise, I'm not just me I'm also {fill in the blank}". Can't blame 'em at all for being upset.

[DonniDarkness]

Well said 2speed

. Moping about certain of your own undesirability is a self-fulfilling prophecy; you'll die a hermit

So moving past all the self loathing for a minute....

Do you as a crossdresser think that there is not fear on her side of the fence? Do you not think she would face ridicule from her peers? Or the fear of committing to a man who is on the path of full time transition?

So it not only us who go thru these emotions about acceptance, Its funny how so many say "Oh Woe Is Me...."
No matter what, we as crossdressers are stuck with being who we are. We have to deal with it. GG's have their stuff to deal with too.

Would you compound all the problems in your life based on something that you really dont understand?

Perspective People.....Try looking from the other side of the glass.

-Donni-

[charlie]

Hello Suzy!
You are right. For most women this is a given. My wife hates my CD and will never accept it. When asked why though (for my understanding) I get because it is "no normal", "it is wrong", and I cannot accept you as a man anymore. I just want to know what it is about wearing female clothes that can elicit such a huge amount of angst. It is an answer that will never be answered. CD is just not normal.

[ReineD]

I just want to know what it is about wearing female clothes that can elicit such a huge amount of angst. It is an answer that will never be answered. CD is just not normal.

Honestly Charlie, I think it has a lot more to do than just the clothes. How's your marriage in other areas? How emotionally connected does your wife feel to you? How's her sex life? You travel a lot and you go out a lot dressed to clubs and bars, where (understandably) in past posts you've admired the gorgeous women there. How does your wife feel about this? Does she feel as if she is your priority? How easily do you and your wife get beyond surface issues and communicate about the fundamental things in your relationship?

I'm asking the questions not to get answers here (this isn't the thread for it), but hopefully as a catalyst. You and your wife may need to look into this a little more deeply than you have been?