Quote Originally Posted by Sandra View Post
Yes crossdressing is one aspect but the lies that go with it isn't. Trust is another building block but when I wife is told years down the line that trust is shattered.



Yes this does happen and most times it happens because the cder pushes things to much, and basically it becomes all about the cder.

I am one of those SOs who after years of everything being ok, I gradually hated the cding, why, because Nigella came out of the forces and went a bit wild, dressing more often, buying things that she didn't need and clothing that she would never wear, it became all about her. Fortunately for us we worked things out.

Just don't try and load all the blame onto the SO.
I would not make general statement concerning the reaction of an SO when finding out her partner is a cross-dresser. For whatever reason the CD did not openly state prior to the relationship progressing that he was a CDer, the reaction from the SO always seems to be based on perceived deceitful behavior.

Maybe in your relationship Nigella was given"permission" to come out of the bottle and eventually exceed your boundaries of tolerance or acceptance. I will only speak for me. My wife assisted in some of my CD fetish thirty plus years ago to the extent of buying some stockings and garter belts and nightgowns. She asked me to not wear the nightgowns to bed anymore, when our child was born. No problem. I accepted her request. Later on she became non accepting without me ever asking her to participate in anything. Once I asked her if she would buy me a pair of panties. We went to the store and it was a disaster. She was so uncomfortable, I never asked her to buy anything as simple as a pair of plain nylon panties. I stopped buying her nightgowns because she told me I only was thinking of how I would look in the nightgown.

My marriage has been plagued by the demons she had and told me about BEFORE we were married. Her DEMONS made her dysfunctional to some extent. I accepted those revelations. I figured, if cross dressing issues ever arose, she would be tolerant. I was not a practicing cross dresser for many years and I figured, if my CDing ever arose again, she would be accepting or at least tolerating.

Nigella may have been spending too much money on clothing and makeup, but, that is not the issue for many CDers. Our family income and assets can easily support any hobby or cross dressing activity. I literally could spend $1,000 per month on clothing without making a blip on the radar screen. Blaming intolerance on finances is baloney. I have had many friends, who waste family dollars modifying cars, racing cars, smoking dollar up the chimney, getting drunk, buying needless electronic toys, hobby of any kind. Many of them are nearing bankruptcy.

Many CDers are responsible financially and would just like to remain totally in the closet. I do NOT want to dress en femme in front of my wife, because she is not accepting. Even if she were to ask me to dress for a Halloween party, I would not because later I fear she would toss it in my face. Her greatest fear is somebody may discover my cross-dressing. Somehow cross dressing ranks up there with rape and child molesting for a lot of people.

I live in a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" relationship. We do NOT discuss my cross dressing. And, we do NOT discuss her DEMONS that have plagued our marriage. If I knew how her DEMONS would have affected our marriage, I would NOT have married the woman I love.

Maybe I need to start a thread asking "Why are you REALLY intolerant to your husband's cross-dressing?" "What makes cross dressing so intolerant to YOU?"

Of course I really do not expect to get a true sampling of answers because not many of those GG's would never even come to this site!