Umm, that's the oath one takes when testifying in court, not the wedding vows! Even in court you're required to answer only those questions that are asked. "The whole truth" does not mean you can say anything that is on your mind!Originally Posted by silhouette
Let's take a reality check here. Are we, as spouses, expected to make total disclosure on every single aspect of our lives? Does any couple, prior to or after marriage, swap complete lists of self-perceived flaws to make sure that there is full disclosure?
As an example, let's consider a couple that does not want further children. The wife realizes that she is two days late for her period. This could be a sign of an unwanted pregnancy or it could be a math error. Should the wife be required to disclose the late period to her husband the moment she realizes it might exist? He would obviously be put under stress which would be pointless if the period showed up the next day. I think most wives would rightly keep this sort of thing to themselves until they knew for certain one way or the other, sparing their spouse unneeded anxiety. Would that be lying? By the strict standards of some posting to this thread it would be.
Now, CDing isn't a single event like this, but each decision to tell or not tell is a single event. Should I tell her right now before she goes to work, or would this evening be more appropriate? How about next weekend when we have more time to talk about it? It's not a life-or-death topic and it's easy to get sucked into endless postponements of disclosure. This happened to me and I certainly didn't do it to be malicious.
Moreover, many of us have a hard time articulating our thoughts to ourselves as they mature and change. I cannot pinpoint exactly when my vague "unusual interest" in things feminine became what is termed "crossdressing." I do know that it was well into my marriage. It is equally difficult to pinpoint at what point disclosure to my wife was warranted. I finally picked a time, but there was always the possibility that I might have been found out before that and I would have been in the same position as the OP of this thread.
From what I've experienced myself and seen on the forum, if a marriage is strong to begin with, it will survive the revelation of CDing and go on to become even stronger. CDing, while certainly hot-button, is just not a terribly important issue when set against the fullness of a marriage.
If a marriage is already in trouble for other reasons, the revelation of CDing provides a convenient focus of blame on one party, but is probably irrelevant in terms of the overall marriage failing. If CDing isn't there, some other issue will be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
