Sophie, yes there have been GGs who've understood the difficulties their husbands faced with telling them about the CDing. Their marriages were likely free of other issues, or their personalities and their own backgrounds allowed for this level of understanding. What I'm saying is there are a lot more GGs who feel devastated about having been lied to, or if you prefer, not having had the CDing disclosed. Also, there are very few marriage where there is an absence of unresolved other issues. You just can't make a blanket statement that a GG's feelings of betrayal are just an excuse for non-acceptance of the CDing. This just isn't true.
I don't know how to have you believe this.
Maybe this is a good analogy: Most CDs on this board will tell me that I have no idea of the deep culture of homophobia boys face during their developing years from their peers, and how difficult it is for a CDer to allow his more feminine feelings to come through in front of his friends. As a more mature GG who has known secure men who have no qualms about crying when they need to, it is difficult for me to understand but I will allow that the homophobic culture exists, especially around developing boys.
In a similar vein, you might allow that women seek different levels of emotional intimacy from their partners than men do, and to not disclose a huge part of who you are is far more devastating to a wife than it might be to a husband?
EDIT
Sophie, if you like, you and I can work together on a survey of sorts (via PMs), that I can post in the Loved Ones section to determine what it is about the CDing that most upsets our GG members. If I make it a sticky, over time we should be able to have a decent sample.
