I'm sometimes obsessed, sometimes consumed, and at other times not so much any more. I did indeed strike a balance between the need and desire to be feminine and appear as a woman, and my needs in this world that demand me to be my male self. Once this balace was struck, much of the turmoil in my head began to settle down, and I was able to live my life on better terms.
This all happened when I reconciled the fact that I'm never going to transition, never going to pursue being a woman full time, and never get SRS. I recommitted myself to my marriage, and my station in life as my dear wife's husband. It gives me a damn good reason to be a man. I never needed a reason to be a woman; I just like it too much. But the decisions made to not pursue that other path meant that I didn't need to obsess over it any more. So I stopped worrying about it so much. I knew I wasn't gay, I wasn't a woman trapped in a man's body, I wasn't goint to be transexual, and I wasn't overly effeminate except when I crossdress - which is rather often, by the way. So this is all acceptable to me. And in accepting myself, I was able to get away from the terrible obsession of crossdressing, and embrace this beautiful act for what it is: an outlet that allows me to live in a way that both the masculine and the feminine are more in harmony now.
