I am currently considering the next physical stage of my transition: SRS. I am considering what I actually want and why I want it without reference to cost. It will probably be funded by the NHS anyway but, even if not, it is clearer to think independent of cost at this stage.

Requirements:
1. Removal of penis, scrotum and testicles: Definitely.

2. A clitoris with sensitivity: Definitely.

3. A clitoral hood: Definitely.

4. Labia: Definitely

5 A vagina: Hmmm? My problem!

Yes, I want a vulva that is cosmetically good but why do I need a vagina?

So that is where I am at.

The vagina presents the most difficult part of the SRS and also requires substantial post-surgical maintainance, manly dilation and cleansing. It is the feature with most post operative risks and required "patch ups". It is the most invasive part of the surgery and, if you are diabetic, it represents the possibility of severe healing problems.

What is a vagina for? In talks with natal women the more I learn is that they believe it is feature used for pleasure by men and most women obtain pleasure from elsewhere other than their vagina. Not all believe that, but a substantial majority of those I have spoken to do.

I am 63 and have been with my partner for 42+ years and married for 40 of them. She has no use for my having a vagina (and no use for my dysfunctional penis either). I can't see me wanting a male partner for anything other than curiosity.

So, given that I will be about 65 or more before SRS is performed, I face the prospect of spending my time of servicing a vagina in my late years for no reason whatsoever. Why do I need it?

Another point is one to do with SRS no matter how far you go. Who knows? Nobody, or very very few people know what you have in your groin and it will make no difference to the way you are treated.

I mentioned all this to my gender psychiatrist at the Charing Cross clininc in London. He was inclined to agree. He also added that:

1. A substantial number of people, although feeling happier and more "correct" with their neo-vulvas, were surprised that it made no difference to almost everybody.

2. There is a steady stream of post-ops returning to have their actual neo-vaginas removed because of the high maintenance involved and the problems encountered through not doing it.

Fortunately, I have a circle of girl friends, some of them trained counsellors, and a NHS psychotherapist always on hand to discuss this with. They are very helpful and concerned. Even so, the question "Do I want a vagina?" remains unanswered.