Are We Addicted?

[Shananigans]

If I understand you correctly, you are saying that you would be willing to forego any outward expression of your gender, permanently, using clothes as the example, rather than lose your family, is that correct?

Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. Gender is very internal for me...nothing about a bra or a dress yells, "OH MY GOD! LIKE, I'M TOTALLY A WOMAN!" No...not even. In fact, those things matter very little. I would miss them a little if tomorrow I could not wear them for some reason. I would miss what they sometimes provide for me...feeling sexy and sophisticated. But, really, the times I am most feminine have very little to do with what I am wearing. The most feminine moment of my life actually was holding my baby cousin and rocking her to sleep. I think I had on track pants and sweat shirt at the time, because I had just got home from a track meet. I was so happy to see her and to hold her little hand and rock her to sleep. It felt really powerful to have this little life in my arms that I was protecting and calming.

So, in an essence, THAT is an outward portrayal of my feminine essence and has nothing to do with clothes. In fact, the clothes I was wearing at the time were completely "masculine." But, all of the maternal care, protection, and love for someone so close to my heart is a better example of an outward portrayal of my feminine essence than any clothing item.

Other questions: Does any objection to dressing, then, make the CD'er selfish ... or the objector? Do you really think it's possible to suppress gender expression completely? Could you, and what would be the consequences? Isn't there a difference between self-sacrifice out of necessity (no options, no possibility of choice) and martyr behavior? Must the positions be extreme - isn't there a difference, say, between fully presenting female and doing something lesser?

I see CDing as often a part of who someone is and I have seen where wives and family members want absolutely nothing to do with it. A lot of the time, it's the wife in question and usually the wife was informed years after marriage. I can't say I exactly blame this person for being upset, especially if you had been married to someone for 10 years and suddenly he is a CD and wants it to be FT. But, in this area we are talking about ADDICTION. And, an addiction is where something in your life is so important that everything else suffers as a consequence. I hear of CDs that max out credit cards, get a family into a financial crisis, go out every night to TG clubs leaving their wife at home to care for the kids...

Sorry, but that's the opposite of feminine in how I was raised. I see what is feminine in a completely different light than most CDs...being a woman has jack sh*t to do with my clothes. I could throw them away tomorrow and still express my femininity through my actions, my compassion, and my care. Things that people with an addiction lack. In fact, if you have a clothing addiction to the point you are maxing out credit cards and going out to clubs every night of the week instead of caring for your family...you are the opposite of feminine. No amount of lipstick is going to help you.