"Didn't sign up for this"

[Babeba]

Probably in those cases the CDing did go away for some time. That is not, so I hear, uncommon.

I think for a lot of the cross dressers on this board who are older, have been married since before the Internet, didn't know anyone else like this, who were so filled with fear and shame and are just now realizing that cross dressing is okay - that if they know this realization would destroy their wives of decades and also know they can keep this so tightly under wraps that she actually will never know, even after death - yeah, the right thing is to not tell.

For those cross dressers getting into relationships now - I think your best bet is to tell when you feel you can intimately trust that partner (and if you can't, why be with that person long term?)

For those cross dressers who realize after years that this didn't go away or that some vague feminine clothing urges have got a lot stronger - you know what? Yes. People DO change. And from what I can tell from listening to stories on this board, that conversation will go a lot better if you have a reason, right then, to tell. "Honey, I never told you about this because I had thought this was some teenage thing I grew out of and then I met you, but I liked to wear panties when I was a teen. Lately, I have been feeling an urge to try it again, and also try on other feminine items of clothing. I felt like a freak and I was ashamed of this when I was a kid, but I looked it up on the Internet and now I realize that there are thousands of other straight, productive, happily married men who do this and I don't feel so alone now. I really needed to tell you so I wasn't hiding this from you."

I think the benefits to telling in this case are:
1) she can never accuse you of lying or hiding, or feel like you are, about your past and the marriage up until then.
2) you ARE being honest about this.
3) if you tell her this before you start putting on clothing (or certain types of clothing like going beyond panties or a bra because I'm pretty sure most guys tried at least one or the other on as a teen - and I have the Polaroid pictures in a box somewhere from a party when I was 15 or 16 to prove that at least 8 or 9 of my male friends did) then you set up for (at worst, if she can't accept) a DADT situation where she can pretend that as an adult male you haven't done that. At best, you'll never have to deal with some weird, granny clothing mixed with a miniskirt and clown makeup situation because she will embrace your girl expression and help it along.

Edit: of course, life is rarely that simple, and YMMV - I just know that being told early means that I am happy with Crystal's girl side, and it lays a foundation for me to be more open to the level of girliness to change in the future if it needs to. I know that it is a possibility, just like someday one of us may be in a car crash, get cancer or get fat. Those (and about a zillion other things) are what I sign up for because I know they may someday happen but being with this person is worth all those risks.

Second edit: any man on here who is justifying his dressing because his wife got fat or got cellulite: THESE THINGS ARE NATURAL PARTS OF AGING. 95% of human females will get cellulite at some point in their lives. It is so common many biological anthropologists list cellulite as a secondary sexual characteristic. A woman is as likely to fully get rid of cellulite as she is likely to get rid of her breasts - both would require invasive surgery. One has a chance of happening due to cancer. The other gets a lot of moral stigma.