I'm a Big Sister?

[DebbieL]

Hey Jennifer,
That's the dilemma. Yes, I have felt like in the wrong body, but would suppress those feelings. So I learned to like guy things because that's what was expected of me. But I could never relate with guys. My friends have always been girls. Never could get myself to like hanging out with guys. I would just tolerate for some time because that's what was expected.

It sounds like you are transgendered, and probably transsexual. Whether or not you transition will be a choice you need to make over time.

That said, I know I'm too confused to make a decision about transitioning. But, I'm thinking about it so much more now because I'm no longer suppressing my femininity, except when I have to be in man mode. I didn't even know what "pink fog" meant until 3 weeks ago. All I know is I like being in Anne mode so much more than being in man mode. And I'm really good at being a girl. A lot of it comes so naturally.

You should talk to a therapist who knows about treating gender identity issues. The good news is that you don't transition overnight. The bad news is that you don't transition overnight. Many transsexuals who don't transition become suicidal and experience serious physical and mental health problems. If you CHOOSE not to transition, because you decide that wearing heels makes your feet hurt, wearing make-up every day is a hassle, and you don't want to have to watch your weight, that's a powerful decision.

Choosing not to transition because you think you can't, because you don't think people will like you, or because you might have to make new friends - is the WORST reason to not transition.

When you get a therapist, he or she can guide you through the process, help you sort through your feelings, and help you through the various steps as you are ready for them. Even the HRT is reversible up to a certain point. The main question is how you feel as you start living as a woman. If you find that you are happier, more at ease with both men and women, and more satisfied with your daily existence when you are doing what it takes to present as a girl on a daily basis, there will be a point where you wouldn't even want to think about NOT transitioning.

So, yes I understand it may be "pink fog". But, it feels like more than that. Until I know for sure, no rash decisions. No worries or depression, either. Just gonna have fun being Anne whenever I can. And if I have to be a man, I will be the best man I can.
Comments like yours keep things in perspective while trying to navigate thru that "pink fog".

Pink fog is what happens when a cross-dresser first comes out and makes a few public appearances and begins to feel confident in their appearance. They begin to think that they would like to go out more often, and even consider transition. Many get out of the pink fog when they start doing it more than 3-4 times per week and decide they don't like having to do all the prep work for going out. Often, when a CD/TS has no one in their lives to support them, they will dress up on week-ends and maybe a week-night or two, but when they start considering transitioning and having to do the make-over every day, whether at 6 AM or 6 PM, they lose their enthusiasm.

When a transsexual begins dressing more often, and develops a social life in her female identity, she often finds that she can't wait to get home from work, transform into her new role, and go out and spend time with her friends. When I started to transition, it was like I had friends for the first time since I was 6 years old (when they told me I couldn't play with girls anymore because I got caught dressing). I had more female friends because they realized that when I was looking at their outfit, I was looking at their OUTFIT, not their breasts or legs, or imagining them naked. We enjoyed talking about fashion, but we also enjoyed talking about projects, social events, and planning events. We talked about feelings, relationships, and social. I didn't have to fix anything, solve anything, I could just listen, and know that she could just talk it through and find a solution for herself. I also found that I could do the same with them.

With men, I didn't feel like I had to compete anymore. I could often outperform them, but I was not a threat to them anymore. If I closed more deals, sold my ideas, or got things done, it was through cooperation rather than competition. Often, I could be more like a "mother" taking care of her subordinates, and they realized this and wanted to outperform for me. Even as a leader, I didn't have to "force" anyone, male or female, to do what I wanted. We'd discuss what needed to be done, I'd find out who wanted to do what, and I'd ask them if there was anything they needed to get it done. I loved the feminine strategy.

When I stopped transition - it was because I didn't want to give up the right to see my children, I was afraid that my ex-wife would put them in a foster home, beat them into submission, or just disappear without letting me know where they were. For the sake of my children I made friends with her husband, supported him in being a good father, and offered to provide extra financial help when it was needed. He turned out to be a good father, and the kids turned out pretty good. My son's wife is a college professor and my daughter is a manager.