Quote Originally Posted by ReineD View Post
Yes, I agree with you! For most CDers, it is difficult to pass completely under the radar, to everyone, all the time. My SO manages this pretty well to most people who are in the same room and who are not paying particular attention to us (over-the-top clothing would actually cause people to stare and read her more), but the game is up the minute that she starts to talk to someone at length. But (and this is important), a lot more people accept who she is once they talk to her and see how nice she is, than you might think. We are always treated with respect.

Anyway, the discussion as far as I took it, was not whether a CDer is read, but whether or not s/he presents in a tacky manner. If you do not like that word, you are free to substitute it with one of your own that means the same thing (over-the-top sexy clothing given age and body type). If my SO were to walk around in a "look at me, aren't I sexy" mode, I think that people would take it she does this for fetish rather than as an expression of who she feels she is. There's a big difference between the two.

But, this might just be my own take on it. :p

Edit As for the word "tacky" being judgmental, demeaning, and inappropriate, if I were to walk around dressed as if I was in my 20s and a size 4 (I am in my 50s and a size 8), and my best girlfriend were to say that my outfit looked tacky for my age, honestly I'd appreciate her input and I'd try to look at myself more objectively. Everyone makes fashion mistakes and it takes a good friend to say it like it is. If you had spinach stuck in your teeth, would you want your best friend to not say anything?
I think the key here is that there can be many goals for the way someone dresses. Gaining respect is one of them. Some may also want to dress to gain attention, even if that is negative attention. My attitude is, to each their own.

Words have power. I think the word "tacky" has some bad connotations associated with it and that there are better ways to express an idea than to use such an emotionally charged word. I would certainly appreciate someone pointing out that I had something stuck in my teeth. I would not appreciate it if all they said was that my mouth looked tacky, unless they were a close friend and said it with a smile.

Getting back to the original question about age appropriateness, there can be many "ages" we can have. The age in terms of years we have been alive, the age we think we can get away with the age that we feel we are, the age that we look like from 100 ft. away, the age that we look like from 3 feet away, the age we look like in soft light, the age we look like in bright sunlight . . Who is to say which age we should go by? It is not up to someone else to decide.

Now if fitting in is your goal, that depends on where you want to fit. If you are going shopping at the mall, that is one thing. If you are attending a drag queen convention, it will take a lot different set of clothes to fit in there.