So, let me understand. One lacks courage if you value the relative stability of your life in terms of your marriage, your kids, your work situation, etc? You know, if you want to gamble with something, I'd say that's a high stakes game...Originally Posted by Badtranny
Last edited by flatlander_48; 03-09-2013 at 07:16 AM.
Don't forget that MANY of those at Stonewall were actually crossdressers and drag queens. However, there is a tendency for the LGBT movement to sort of hide crossdressers and transgender folks. They seem to think that we are often too provocative. Don't know why they would ever get that impression...
That's only PART of the reason. ENDA is not the law of the land; not yet anyway. As it relates to transgender people, GENDA is not the law of the land either. We are STILL in the days where sexual minorities can be fired from their employment in MOST places. If you want to roll the dice, that's a biggie. Repercussions are one thing. Having no legal protections is something else again.
There are so many misconceptions out in the general public that make it so difficult to gain acceptance even among women. My wife and I were out to dinner about 4 months ago and ran into a couple we knew. They told us they were at a local bar the night before and "3 transvestites came in and the really looked bad, they were at the bar trying to pick up men". I said wow you saw them hitting on men. The wife said no, but you know that's what they do. As I started to open my mouth to comment my wife flashed me a look that made me stop before I outed myself. You see us portrayed this in many movies.
Even though I think women are more accepting there is still the eeeew factor because of the misconception. It is difficult to educate people without outing yourself. Kind of a catch 22.
The minute you think of giving up think of the reason you held on for so long
I don’t agree with the idea that being gay is more acceptable than cd-ing. Well, for one thing some cders are also gay so its not exactly like you’re either one or the other.
But for being straight and being a cd, that’s a much easier life than the life of a gay person.
Me for example, I was able to meet and fall in love with a woman and get married. She is what makes me happy in life more so than anything, cding is not important enough for me to let it ruin the relationship that is the foundation of my contentment with life. Luckily, since I’m not gay, I haven’t had to deal with any alienation from my family or friends just because of being in a relationship with somebody that I love more than anything.
I think that’s the thing about being gay that makes it harder than being a CD, if you’re gay, you need to live a gay lifestyle to be happy, in fact you need to live a gay lifestyle to be anything other than miserable. And living a gay lifestyle means that you may experience a lot of alienation from family and friends. But you have no choice if you want to be happy.
I guess being gay is similar to being transsexual in that way, but not all cders are transsexual as we all know here. But if you wanted to reframe the question if it’s easier to gain acceptance as a gay person than as a transsexual, I think it’s probably easier to gain acceptance as a gay person, but probably not by much. It still a very steep challenge, either way.
I couldn't agree more. Many of us have brought our family into this and this is not their responsibility to take up the cause nor should we ask them to. In this situation protecting the feelings of your loved one is priority #1, no one should ever put activism above someone who genuinely cares for you
From my experience talking with women, Gay men are not a threat to them they have boyfriends and seem so understanding of women.
men who dress up in womens clothes generally look and act weird.
When I asked what about me? the reply was we know you you have been weird for years.
The truth emerges that some CD's want to hit on with women and their approach is sleazy to say the least.
They claim to know all about women and use suggestive statements and this weirds out women.
Sometimes I think we are to blame for our own shortcomings.
Me, they think I am safe. They just don't know the predator in me.
Wat it all boils down to is your approach to women, if they are aprehensive of you, stay away, when you are welcomed into a group as you will be because women are curious beings, answer the questions honestly and use clever humor, not gutter overtones.
If you have a subject to talk about, make it an interesting one.
They don't want to know how to pick up friends they are already doing it.
Funny lot women.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
It was pointed, but not unfair. We don't come out because we lack the courage to do so. The threat of collateral damage is real and we just don't want to face it. So we hide who we are. This is in fact perfectly reasonable given our current culture, but there are those who step out anyway. Do they have less to lose? Perhaps, but the desire to live is greater than the desire to hide, sometimes to the great detriment of the courageous. Sometimes being courageous is indistinguishable from being a martyr.
Paula, this comment isn't about you specifically. It's merely my thoughts that happened to be spurred by your earlier comment.
Yes it is, but consider this. One does not have to come out as a CD to affect change within their circle of friends. Maybe they could just come out as a compassionate and evolving person who sees gender bending as just harmless fun in the pantheon of human expression.
Not true and this is the root of the problem. If every CD were to simply begin defending other people's right to express themselves to their conservative friends instead of just joining in with the trash talking then that alone could effect huge change. How about "Oh, they're not any different than us, they're just regular people who like different things". How is saying something like that outing yourself?
You know back in the '60s there was only one thing lower than a ni**er down in the south, and that was a ni**er lover. People were reluctant to show support for integration among their friends for fear that they would be called that name. So if you can't be honest as a CD, can you at least be a CD lover? Can't you at least support other people for having the courage to dance to their own drum? What's wrong with being openly accepting of other lifestyles? Are you afraid people might think you were open minded and compassionate?
Sexuality is private but gender is public and this is the crux of the problem.
Crossdressing may be tolerated but it will never be accepted because it runs contrary to the self interest of to many people of both sexes.
Most people like their world to be black and white and easily understood because this requires less work and also creates less anxiety, or so it is assumed.
I think black and white thinking creates anxiety personally as an out growth of the need for security.
Bending gender creates problems because it makes many people uncomfortable.
Even with sex many of the problems start when sex becomes a "in your face" experience.
My point is that sometimes there are dependents involved, and in some cases, how much right do we really have to affect their lives so that we feel better about ourselves? This is not an easy calculus, and will vary from situation to situation. Even if you don't much care what happens to yourself, the idea of hurting your family is awful for many.
I can agree with this wholeheartedly. This is an excellent point. Sometimes it seems the path is "all or nothing." But you are right, there are other ways, and I think a lot of times while the initial spade work may be done by people who are very courageous and take a lot personal risk, the foundation of opinion gets laid more quietly, when regular folks just begin to understand "yeah, ok, that's NOT right the way those folks are being treated."Not true and this is the root of the problem. If every CD were to simply begin defending other people's right to express themselves to their conservative friends instead of just joining in with the trash talking then that alone could effect huge change. How about "Oh, they're not any different than us, they're just regular people who like different things". How is saying something like that outing yourself?
You know back in the '60s there was only one thing lower than a ni**er down in the south, and that was a ni**er lover. People were reluctant to show support for integration among their friends for fear that they would be called that name. So if you can't be honest as a CD, can you at least be a CD lover? Can't you at least support other people for having the courage to dance to their own drum? What's wrong with being openly accepting of other lifestyles? Are you afraid people might think you were open minded and compassionate?
Many of the posts talk about our acceptance by women, and I think in my time it's improved, but how about acceptance by guys? Will we ever get there?
I've also wondered if FTM cross dressers are accepted more that MTF? They may have an easier time of it....
Guess I've asked more questions than I answered.
Last edited by NV Susan; 03-09-2013 at 04:19 PM. Reason: spelling
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Susan V. Adams
Yes I agree completely. I am well aware that everybody's circumstances are quite different and what may be devastating for one, may just be really uncomfortable for another. There are always exceptions and there are always external pressures that no one else can comprehend but my position doesn't address any of that. My position is simple, if you can be true to yourself than do it, if you can't than do the best you can. There is a difference between being closeted and being private.
Good gracious Paula I do believe we have arrived at a consensus!
Even though I'm not gay, (I used to be) I always defend the rights of homosexuals. I do pass for the most part as a woman now, yet I would never not speak out in support of lesbians for fear that someone may think I was a lesbian. When I speak out in support of law enforcement, do people think I'm a cop?
People skirting the gender boundaries and binary still have a way to go in the world at large, but I agree with Melissa about some of her CD friends...I go out, a lot, and regularly, and so far, I have found the world to be at least tolerant, for the most part. Does the world at large understand us? Not really and not too well, but as more and more of us are willing to come out of hiding and go out in public and be seen for who we truly are, the more things will change in a positive direction. Just in the last twenty years, much progress has been made for trans people of all stripes..but I also firmly believe that if we move confidently and politely in the world, it helps us. If we are kind, the world often is very kind back to us. We truly do get what we give, and though at times it may seem the world is against us, if we love our world, it often will love us back....
That's not true, gay people can't just go through life not telling anyone they're gay. Specifics of a person sex life are private but you can't hide your sex orientation from everyone and still expect to have healthy relationships. CDers who cd for sexual reasons can get away with hiding it because its a fetish and therefore really is no ones business but their own especially if they do it alone.
But being gay is a lifestyle, not a fetish. If you crossdress and you're straight, there's not as much of a burden to come out. You can stay in the closet and still have healthy relationships. Gay people don't have that luxury, if they don't come out they are forced to live a lie.
I had to think long and hard on weather to tell my wife I like to CD
like Paula Q I have a family and had to weigh up the pros and cons before letting the Elephant burst into the room. I guess I was very lucky to have a truly supportive wife. We decided not to tell our children as it would cause to many problems for them considering we live in a small town and they are both teenage boys. My wife and I both use this forum and and have read a few threads where its all about me me me is this a common personality trait among CDers?. I believe that the gay community are less conspicuous than that of a man walking around town dressed as a woman IMHO.
I think people are more accepting of a gay person rather than a CDer because they know what gay means. Gay = same sex relationships. While everyone doesn't agree with it, they know what the word means when someone says they're gay. When someone says they're a crossdresser, or even better...transgendered... most people have NO IDEA what that really means.
"Do you wear girl clothes? Do you wear a wig and makeup too? Do you have a penis or a vagina? Does that mean you have BOTH a penis and a vagina? Are you gay? Why are you married to a woman if you want to be a girl? You can't have REAL boobs if you were born a MAN!"
Most people have either met or known a gay person. Most people have not known a crossdresser or a TG person. (maybe they have and didn't know the person was TG. not relevant to my point) It's hard to readily accept something that you know nothing about. I don't think everyone that is put off by a CD is necessarily unaccepting of the CDer.. It's just that they don't know what to think of it and have their guards up. Also consider that most gay people don't go around with a huge I'M GAY sign. Just because someone doesn't notice a gay person does not mean that they accept that gay person.
--regarding the topic of outting yourself to help with CD/TG acceptance--
My husband hasn't expressed any desire to go out in public while dressed up. He's actually specifically said that he'd rather not. And there's no reason to. How would it benefit us as a couple, as a family, him as a CDer?? He gets dressed up and we just hang out at home like we would any other day. There's nothing to be achieved by having friends, family, or total strangers "accept" that part of us. I don't think it's fair to assume that ALL CDers need to be "accepted" by the outside world. What if the CDer is satisfied with themselves already? Should they martyr themselves anyways for the cause?
We are both bisexual and very much into BDSM as a lifestyle, but we don't go around announcing that to everyone. Why would we? So we could insist that our own views and preferences are the only right way to go and then deal with the confusion our unnecessary confession caused?
I also think some people just don't like the look of a man in a dress. *shrugs* I don't like the look of men in baggy pants. Doesn't mean I hate them.
I'm all for acceptance of TG people, but not every TG person is the same as the next. Gay = Gay. Crossdresser = So many different things for each person.
Macy's wife
That's true, but just because people are more likely to understand being gay doesn't mean they embrace it or think its a good thing.
For example if I told my parents I was a crossdresser, and explained to them that it's something I do alone and I would never let it interfere with my relationship with my wife, they probably wouldn't understand, it might make them think less of me, but I can already picture them thinking to themselves, "well at least he's not gay."
Being gay is heavier, it effects more aspects of your life than being a crossdresser, and like it or not there are still lots and lots of people out there who think being gay is a degrading and shameful thing, and it's probably more prevalent of an attitude then most of the posters in this thread seem to recognize.
I guess the one thing I really want to say is that they are not even comparable, I don't think straight cders myself included will ever have to fight as hard for acceptance as gay people or transsexuals. Not even close really.
I think for CDers who are happy at home and express no desire to go out in public, there is no reason to disclose anything to anyone because it can be kept private and behind closed doors. For some of us, however, this is not an option, as we are out and about in the daylight, shopping, dining and doing whatever everyone else does...albeit, en femme. So, I guess it depends on the needs of the person, ultimately.
Sure but you do and your advocacy alone would go a long way to helping change the world. Why not just speak out in favor of trans people when the opportunity presents itself?
I don't believe that everyone should out themselves. I just think they should be openly supportive of the lifestyle. If you're not able to be yourself for whatever reason, you should at least be able to tell your friends to mind their own business when you hear them talking trash about YOUR husband's private activities.
Why would you indeed, but if you had a friend who told you she is dumping her boyfriend because he asked her to participate in some form of BDSM and then goes on to say how awful those people are and how she wishes she could find a great guy like yours. What do you say? Do you agree with her and smugly wish her well, or do you get real with her and tell her that there's nothing wrong with that stuff and he may not necessarily be a bad guy just because he's a little freaky. "you know me and the hubby like to play around sometimes too"
Do you take the opportunity to educate and inform or do you slink away in your shame?
I like your style LuLu, but this quote indicates to me that you have some reservations about your interests and if so, I encourage you to reflect on what you don't accept about your lifestyle and why. Having the freedom to express yourself and/or your sexuality does not mean that anybody's views are the ONLY right way to go. Personally I have no interest at all in BDSM so it wouldn't matter to me at all if some politician wanted to make those kinds of clubs illegal. It wouldn't affect me or my lifestyle one tiny bit if the feds launched a war on BDSM to appease some conservative group in the deep south.
How would you react if the 'No on Bondage Clubs' vote came to town. Would you let your friends stick a sign in your yard? Would you campaign against it? Would you campaign FOR it? If you spoke out in favor of it, would you be afraid that somebody would think you were 'one of them'? If you admitted that you did in fact enjoy some BDSM with your hubby, would you feel like you were insisting that only your views are correct, or would you just want the simple right to your own views?
Ya see, being brave can mean a lot more than just coming out. Being brave can mean a lot less too. It can mean something as simple as speaking out for the simple right to privacy and the pursuit of happiness for your fellow humans.
I don't give a damn about BDSM, but I would stand right next to you in support of your right to privacy and your freedom to live your life in peace.
Hmmm, maybe that IS the only way to go.
I'm a CD/TS and have been working with other Transgendered people, both MtF and FtM for many years, since I first came out publicly over 20 years ago.
Several corporations have stated that we should use the acronym LGBT instead of GLBT based on the number of people who are "in the closet", the more accurate term might be "living in stealth mode".Do you think that being homosexual is more accepted than being a crossdresser and why?
Women often engage in public displays of affection, hugging, kissing, touching, supporting each other, and it's widely accepted. Lesbians are often depicted in even the most "vanilla" of adult movies and videos.
Gay men tend to stay closeted until high school, when many of the more effeminate young men tend to be approached by other more masculine gay men. This can sometimes be a problem if the effeminate young man is actually a transgender attempting to live in stealth mode.
Bisexuals often struggle because they are caught between the gay world and the straight world. Often, there are "straight" partners who think it would be cool to have a bisexual partner for a 3-way, but the prospect of losing one's wife to another woman, or one's husband to another man kills the fantasy pretty quickly. It's hard enough to have two people stay in a relationship for a long time, but the dynamics of 3 can be strenuous at best.
Transgenders have the biggest challenge. When you look at the boys in kindergarten or early first grade, you can easily see that about one in four boys tends to enjoy playing with the girls as much or more than they enjoy playing with the boys. However, later in the year, or early second grade, the girls are told that they can't play with boys and the boys start calling the boys who want to play with girls "Sissy". At first it's just teasing and verbal, but eventually, the name calling turns to bullying and violence. The violence can escalate to the point where the "Sissy" needs to be hospitalized. Often, those with health issues such as asthma, epilepsy, or immunity issues can become so stressed that they will need to be hospitalized for these conditions on a regular basis.
Many transgenders then isolate themselves. Furthermore, they find stories about both boys and girls too painful to read, since they can't be part of either world. Instead, they immerse themselves in non-fiction, learning a great deal about science, geography, religion, and technology. This is also when they often begin covert cross-dressing. The problem with this is that they often have to steal the clothes from a sister or even a mother, and this just compounds the shame and guilt. Some try to compensate by becoming more religious, often praying to be transformed into the girl of their dreams. Tomboys are a bit more accepted, but often have to fight and posture to gain their position in the pecking order, sometimes even becoming the "alpha" of their group.
During puberty and high school, many are expressing their sexual preferences and many transgenders are misread as being homosexual because they seem so much like the "queens" who act more effeminate in order to attract other guys.
Transgenders often become "boy buddies" or "close friends" with many different girls. They may engage in necking and kissing, but tend to want the girl to show him that she wants him, rather than trying to force himself on her. Some transgenders will even resist becoming sexual with a woman, transsexuals often feel that they shouldn't want it, or that they don't want to be men, and sex is part of that. Others are still hoping that they will be accepted as one of the girls, and others still live in the hope of somehow being transformed into a girl. Often, they have also associated sexual arousal with cross-dressing (often a secondary effect), and find it hard to become aroused when they are not dressed - and don't want to dress on a date in case the girl does try to reach into his pants.
This living in "Stealth mode" often continues, and after being rejected by one or two girls for admitting to cross-dressing, or hinting, they go into "deep cover", and even try to date, get engaged, and even get married without telling their wives about their transgender desires. Some men don't tell their wives for years, even decades, limiting their expression to cross-dressing only while on business trips, or when they know the family will be away for several hours.
Depending on how well they maintain "deep stealth mode", their wives my not even suspect. Which makes them feel even more betrayed and upset when their husbands reveal the truth to them. In many cases, the wife feels so deceived that she may want a divorce, and may even want to prevent visitation with the children, especially if he has attempted to be either an "Alpha male" or very religious.
Even if the truth comes out early in the relationship, if it's after the wife has fallen in love, possibly even discovers that he is a very good "lesbian lover", she may want to make it work, even though she has neither bisexual nor lesbian fantasies. Secretly, she may be yearning for an alpha male, but is afraid to ruin the relationship. When things get more complicated by marriage, children, financial inter-dependency, and good old fashioned love, real love, it can become a very frustrating situation in which both partners become sexually frustrated.
Media doesn't help either. For decades, television has used really bad cross-dressing for comic effect. Uncle Miltie (Milton Berle), Monty Python, and many other television shows and movies have been based on men dressed as very ugly women. Often, when a man reveals to a woman that he is a cross-dresser, the woman has flashes of those kinds of images. At best, they might imagine Tom Hanks in "Bosom Buddies" or Rue Paul. Some really good cross-dressing where the man is credible as a woman usually involves murder or suspense, Psycho - the serial killer Anthony Perkins, Dressed to Kill - Michael Cain, Freebie & the Bean - the beautiful assassin, the Crying Game. And finally, there are the fantasy movies and shows, where the character, played by a male, finds themselves in the body of a woman, played by a female actor. Several 60's sitcoms and dramas showed this, movies such as Myra Breckenridge, Dr Jekyll and Ms Hyde, and Switch with Ellen Barkin come to mind.
Some women suspect that their love interest might be a "sissy", but are afraid to ruin a good thing by "pulling the covers" on a loving man who might be totally threatened by any attempt to point out how cute he would look as a girl. Furthermore, the CD is so good at living in stealth mode that he would deny any interest to protect his secret, since he is afraid that if it doesn't work out, she might let others know.
Personally, I have found that the women who really clicked with me were the ones who took control early and let me know right away that they wanted to have sex with me. When they did that, I was eager to please and easy to please. In my case, I knew I wasn't "well hung", which was good because I didn't want the penis and wanted to put my balls back up where they had stayed hidden for the first 11 years of my life. As a result I was more willing to perform cunnilingus, use fingers, and use vibrators, dildos, and other "toys". Often, the women had such intense orgasms that they "took possession" and were very careful not to let out ANY of my little secrets (or talents) to ANYONE. Unfortunately, they usually ended up wanting an "Alpha male" as well, who didn't want to share, and eventually would end it with me. Since I had been kept such a good secret, it could be years between lovers.
Some women assume that because their husband is transgendered, that they are "Sissies", and may assume that they are submissive, which can often be a serious struggle, since even a transgendered man my feel that his sexual pleasure is the one aspect of being male that he actually likes.
Often, the transgender has to go through the discovery process in reverse. At first they might only admit to being a transvestite, admitting only to wanting to dress up for sexual purposes, they may even try to limit themselves to specific fetishes, then they admit to being transvestites, then they admit to being cross-dressers, wanting to dress completely like women, including wigs, then they admit to being transgendered, and they may eventually admit to themselves and others that they are transsexuals, that - if they really thought they could - they would live the rest of their lives as women.
There are as many different types of women as there are types of men. They may be uncomfortable when they realize that you have been using the ladies' bathroom even though you are a man. Even though we are generally very careful about keeping our eyes to ourselves, many women fear that a transsexual is also a voyeur, they don't want to be seen by a male who might share information with other men.to me it seems that women are more comfortable around a gay man than a cross-dresser it could just be me,
Ironically, part of the discomfort both men and women have with transgenders is the entire stealth aspect. When someone you have known for weeks, months, or years suddenly comes forward and shares that they want to live as women, whether on a part time or full time basis, it becomes clear how much he has been living in deception. It's like finding out that someone is a spy or an undercover cop. Even if they aren't going to arrest you, the trust is gone, how much is a lie? How long have they lied? What else have they lied about? Are they still lying to themselves?
It is a natural human trait to fear the unknown, whether it's a child afraid of the dark, making commitments in a new relationship, starting a new job, moving to a new city, making new friends. The hardest part is letting go to of the old and making room for the new. It's why we fear change.but i wonder why given that there is still a false stereotype that many cd's are
Unfortunately it's our ability to live in stealth for years, even decades that makes it so hard for others to understand. Ironically, as more of us come out, people are gradually becoming more tolerant. More and more people are coming to terms the reality that transgenders may be in stealth.
Another development is that police now investigate suicides, examining the cell phone records and computers of victims. Police are discovering that a substantial number of suicides and fatal "accidents" are because the victim was transgendered and was either outed or rejected by a loved one. In alcohol and drug treatment centers, they are also finding out that repressed sexual preference and gender identity issues can often be a driving force in the self destructive behaviors.
It's only been in the last 2 years that any empirical studies have been done transgendered using any substantial samples. A research study in 2011 with 15,000 transgendered people, mostly men, provided some significant and ominous insights. As a result, the American Psychology Association decided last year that it was UNETHICAL for a therapist to attempt to convince a transgender client to accept their birth gender. In 2012, the American Psychiatric Association declared the same thing. Only 3 years ago, the accepted practice was to discourage transition, attempting to paint a worst case scenario.
Harry Benjamin's paper wasn't published until 1968, and even up to that time, most transgenders were treated with electro-shock, "ice pick" lobotomy, and full frontal lobotomy. Essentially, the assumption was that the personality that was transgendered had to be eliminated in order for the patient to survive, even if the patient ended up being a vegetable, having to spend the rest of their lives in institutions.
For many women, the concept of a man wanting to give up the power and control of being born male, being a man, seems unnatural. Many women work very hard to make it in what they consider to be a "man's world", often adopting masculine strategies, and want to be able to have the same power and control over their lives that men have. They assume that transgenders have no clue what they are giving up.
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Open4Success
I think that society fears us. Crossdressing teachers in particular are viewed in a negative light. Can't let people like us work with children you know ... kids could be at risk around those people whom the authorities just can't make out; which is a shame, given that we understand more than most the anxieties of the LGBT students at school and the subtleties of the bullying one comes across all the time.I guess there's an aura around us. Women even fear us(just kidding)
I have a saying:
"In the absence of information, people will make up their own."
People tend to understand very little beyond the binary definition of sexuality. Any notion of things outside of that binary definition and people are thrown into WTF-land. We know that all those silly thoughts, prejudices and excuses are no more true than urban legends, but to many folks it is the rock solid truth and in total agreement with their misinformation.
I can honestly say the opportunity has never presented itself. However, if it ever does, I have no problem speaking in favor of the trans community as a whole.
This is where it starts to get iffy for me. If I have a friend or family member who is as you say, talking trash, or being openly being cruel to someone, I would most certainly tell them what I know about the subject. If I have a friend or family member who does a double/triple take when a CD walks by and looks shocked or makes a remark about how they don't like the look of feminine boys, I wouldn't likely say anything. They haven't done anything wrong, just either lack experience with the content or just plain don't care for it.
If I had a friend who dumped her boyfriend for being overly kinky, I'd try to consider her reasons. I definitely wouldn't "smugly wish her well" because there's no point in that. If she's TRULY uninformed, then I'd probably suggest she do a bit of research on it before she makes her decision on the idea. If she just doesn't care for it and thinks it's barbaric and gross or even just not her cup of sexy tea... Who am I to tell her she's wrong?
You seem to think these are the only two options everyone has. To stand up and be an outspoken advocate (outed or not) or to hide away in secret shame. I disagree on that.
I fully accept my lifestyle. I just feel no pressure to have everyone else agree with me on it.
I didn't intend for the sentence you quoted to come across as being literal. Should have expounded further... My bad, yall.
I feel like some people are so deeply rooted in the idea of "if you're not 100% with it, you're 100% against it" that they totally block the possibility of it coming down to the OTHER person's preferences and beliefs which can be just as legitimate as our own.
Acceptance =/= Agree with
While I totally disagree with anyone being intentionally hurtful to another person for whatever reason, I don't think it's fair to assume that everyone who expresses a dislike for a certain cause is against someone. *omg my brain hurts now*
Examples:
Baptist Church member toting around picket signs and spouting off about how God hates gay people or trans people or black people or people with freckles and they will all burn in hell. <--badbadbad
Baptist Church member who finds out his work buddy is gay and says he'd prefer if Gay Buddy didn't talk to him about his relationships. <-- Legitimate personal preference
If the no on bondage clubs came to town, I wouldn't give a hoot because I don't go to bondage clubs :/
If my friends disagreed with it, they can stick a sign in their own yard.
I don't campaign, but I'd vote against it.
I have no fears of being 'one of them', but that doesn't mean I'd be passing out campaign buttons either.
If I admitted we had some kinky practices, I wouldn't feel like I was insisting that only my views are correct. If I stopped every person with a "SAY NO TO WHIPS" sign and told them that they were just uninformed and ignorant then I would feel like I was pushing my views on them. That's just me.
Macy's wife
Ever thought that we are not so easily accepted in part because of the appearance? A gay or lesbian does not usually look any different than anyone else, but we do. This simple thing makes us stand out more. Yes if you really, really look convincing there is no problem but many of us can be clocked. Can the fact that we look different be a factor?
All I ever wanted was to be a girl. Is that really asking too much?
I once heard a woman say when her man turned out to be gay that she could compete with another woman to keep her man. But, how do you compete with a man? A gay man is really no threat to her. He's not going to hit on her. A cross dressing male is probably thrown into the same boat, if he is presenting as a female. The vast majority of women are going to be predisposed to rejecting a cross dressing man- sterotypical behavior. It seems the inner conflict arises when a relationship has developed without full disclosure. I've never heard a woman making jokes that she could make a gay or cross dresser change his ways, although may men joke they would be able to turn a lesbian into a heterosexual due to their sexual prowess. BS.
Yes the fact that we look different can be a big factor. In my case it is not such a big factor because I don't attempt to deceive anyone into thinking that I'm a woman. I am simply a feminine male that incorporates feminine items into my overall look such as Capri pants, nail polish, femme hair-style and a women's purse, but it can be seen that I'm clearly a male. I am the opposite of a Tomboy. I believe that is feminine male is much more easily accepted as compared to a full-on crossdresser that doesn't pass. For the crossdresser that does pass it is completely a non-issue because folks believe that they are seeing and/or interacting with a real woman.
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