So, you want to Pass as a Woman!

[ReineD]

It has taken a while to get to this level of comfort.

Exactly the same for my SO. For the longest time she was sort of in the background while out, not saying much, trying to not draw attention to herself, but also never knowing whether she "passed as a GG" or not. I suspect that many times, like others in this thread, she took an absence of remarks or notice as "passing". But when she decided to go to the next step and have human interactions, she had to come to terms with the fact that people knew that she was not a GG. In a way, she had to redefine a few things for herself but then I'm guessing (I don't live in her skin), that she became satisfied with others respecting her gender presentation.

So I look at it as a shift from fantasy to reality, but a happy reality for my SO nonetheless. The people who interact with her (and us) are friendly.

[Rogina B]

So I look at it as a shift from fantasy to reality, but a happy reality for my SO nonetheless. The people who interact with her (and us) are friendly.

I have yet to see angry mobs with torches and pitchforks.It has been my experience that some people are in awe of how "gutsy" we are,and others are amazed at our presentation..Some of the ladies at UU church tell me that they enjoy seeing what I am wearing each week. Nothing comes without effort and getting comfortable in the mainstream world takes confidence and occasionally a thick skin!

[Debbie Johnson]

Hi Rogina,

Interesting that you should mention the UU church. I go to two different ones--one in boy mode and the other in girl mode. The second one is way more fun and rewarding. What has been really new and interesting is that many of the women have taken me under their wing with introductions, sharing their space and letting me into their world. So far only two men have engaged in conversation but I still feel like a visiting rock star and warmly welcomed. What a treat to be recognized and valued for who we really are!

[Michelle (Oz)]

What has been really new and interesting is that many of the women have taken me under their wing with introductions, sharing their space and letting me into their world. So far only two men have engaged in conversation but I still feel like a visiting rock star and warmly welcomed. What a treat to be recognized and valued for who we really are!

This level of positive recognition and engagement is an interesting phenomenen way better than just tolerating our presence. Going back to Reine's post #53, it is this that elevates the enjoyment of the experience of being out and about beyond any success in passing.

[Rogina B]

I completely agree with Debbie and Michelle..And those feelings "dovetail"into my thread about"Living the Life most of the time" After all,if it wasn't such a positive experience,I would never do it! And I love being "special"...it is another thing like"pretty" that we never get to experience as boys..

[docrobbysherry]

But, this is such a ridiculous thread!

Started by Barbara Jean who sounds like she means well. 3 years ago she was going to quit because of her "looks". But now, claims to pass 100% of the time? And, posts ZERO pics!?

Then, she's going to help us all to pass like she does. So far, the only thing I've learned is that I need to double my dress size!?

Finally, I'm told that what I really want is NOT to, "pass", but, "--to be accepted as a woman"? Like, there's a difference?

Last add: Yes, I've been, "Mamm"ed by restaurant personnel. Neither they nor I rolled our eyes. But, there's was zero chance of them mistaking me for a female!

[ReineD]

What has been really new and interesting is that many of the women have taken me under their wing with introductions, sharing their space and letting me into their world. So far only two men have engaged in conversation but I still feel like a visiting rock star and warmly welcomed. What a treat to be recognized and valued for who we really are!

This level of positive recognition and engagement is an interesting phenomenen way better than just tolerating our presence. Going back to Reine's post #53, it is this that elevates the enjoyment of the experience of being out and about beyond any success in passing.

Ok, I know we've gone back and forth a little in this thread, but there is one thing that I truly don't get and these quotes touch on it quite well.

When you (a collective you, not just the people quoted) are dressed as women and talk to other women who respect your presentation (who don't slam you for it), you feel rather elated for being included in the fold, in the women's circle so to speak, even if they know that you are men presenting as women. I take it then, that being accepted as a woman is the ultimate goal and it is what causes the warmest internal fuzzies.

So this is what I don't understand: I don't know if you realize this, but if you were in guy mode, the only guy in the room with all these women, they'd treat you just the same! They'd talk to you about the same topics, they'd be nice to you in the same way, they'd like you just as much, they wouldn't think you were odd for enjoying a conversation with a group of women. In other words, fundamentally you don't need to present as a woman in order to be included in woman's conversations.

(... although this doesn't apply for those of you who want to be flirted with by men ... then you really need to present as a woman.)

But for the rest of you, what is it that makes you feel that presenting as a woman makes people treat you any differently? Please don't get me wrong. I understand that you feel better about yourselves when you dress, you like the way that you look better when you're dressed. And dressing makes you feel more comfortable, more at ease with yourselves. But doesn't it just really boil down to wanting to feel feminine regardless of the conversations you have, and the clothes are a pathway for feeling this way?

.. because as mentioned, if it was about being included in women's conversations, honestly you could accomplish this dressed as a male if you wanted to. I can't tell you how many intimate conversations I've had with various men over the course of my life. Women don't just talk to each other, they talk to men too, honest!

Here is an example: A few years ago my SO in guy mode and I were at a party at someone's house. No one there knew that my SO is trans. The men were in the basement watching a sports game, and the women were in the kitchen playing a silly truth or dare board game or something (can't really remember). My SO was the only male sitting smack dab in the middle of some 6-8 women, enjoying himself fully! None of us curtailed our actions or our words, just because there was a guy in the room. He was included right into all the fun, laughter, and girl talk, the man jokes, everything! And boy, were we having fun ... one of those evenings where the laughter was loud enough to wake up the kids. And my SO was laughing just as hard and appreciating all of it just like the rest of us! There was no thought that he was a stranger in our midst, because women are just so darned inclusive! We don't care if the people who want to join us are men or women.

Some of you might say that at some deeper level all the women at the table might have felt my SO's female energy, but honestly that's not it. Any one of the men in the basement could have joined us and the conversation and all around glee would have been just the same!

Please don't take any of this as any form of criticism. Many of you know me, I'm just trying to get down to basics.

I appreciate those of you who will share your thoughts about this, because it does puzzle me that you feel you are treated differently when you wear certain clothes (except men flirting with you), ... although I do understand wearing the clothes to feel feminine and I do support this.