I, for one, think that you've been an absolute saint. You deserve more than this. If I were you, I'd demand couple's therapy. Get an objective third party into it. You've gone out of your way to accomodate your spouse's life, and you're not being treated fairly.Originally Posted by CuriousWife2013
Best wishes for your journey. Again, you deserve to be happy!
WOW!!! You ladies are amazing! ty ty ty from the bottom of my heart!
It seems that this afternoon, before I returned home, my SO got onto my laptop and read every post. He must have gotten a HUGE wake up call because I got flowers (something I have NEVER gotten from him before), A really nice dinner, and a basically a blank check for lawn furniture (we are in the process of relandscaping our front yard).
He has been apologizing all evening for the way he has acted. He said that he didn't realize how selfish he had been. He suggested that from now on if he gets pushy and insensitive then I am allowed to waive my white flag. (Suggested to us by a premarriage counselor).
Thanks again!
Curious
Wow, I wouldn't be too happy about my spouse invading my laptop. But overall I'm glad your crisis is over. Good luck and good strength. You need to find a pink flag!
It's not often that the forums can be of such direct help.
"Don't hate me just for wanting to feel beautiful."
How lucky for him that he was able to guess your password. You might want to come up with a better one? Or maybe not have it written down where he can find it? Or...?
Btw, Lowes had those plastic pink flamingos not long ago...
Just want to say I LOVE YOU and thanks for all you've done !Or as i read maybe not ......
Last edited by cross-up; 03-30-2013 at 07:18 PM.
YOU are a VERY, VERY lucky guy. Never forget that part. A wife like yours is rare. Enjoy the addition to your relationship but respect the boundaries. Cross dressing is what you do, not who you are.
Cross dressers are born Cross dressers, no one did anything to make them that way. Something that is often misunderstood is that crossdressers hide their inner most secrets from the ones they love and the loved one feels they are being lied to. Not all cases are the same, but in many cases the person who was born a crossdresser may not understand themselves well enough to tell someone they care about. Many are still discovering themselves, and do not yet understand themselves yet. Society has conditioned us over the years to believe it is sick, disgusting, perverted, etc. When one discovers they have a desire for something the mainstream of society has decided is perverted, they tend to feel ashamed and feel there is something wrong with them that needs fixed. Many times a male to female crossdresser feels after starting a relationship that a woman is something that is missing in their life, and that now that the void has been filled they will give up crossdressing like someone would give up drinking or smoking in an effort to give the new relationship a better chance of success. The crossdresser many times believes in their heart they can give up crossdressing, so there is no reason to tell the new love interest about something they are going to swear off anyway. The problem with this is many crossdressers do not understand it is something they are born with, it will not go away with time or effort, and will always be a part of their life. They are many times uncertain how to deal with it themselves, so when they share this with someone else it adds another element to the situation. It can be very embarrassing at first, and each person in the relationship can only go so fast. If the crossdresser pushes the spouse into trying to digest too much too fast it can really turn them off. If the spouse accepts this part of his personality but pushes for the crossdresser to move faster than they are able to comfortably move then the crossdresser can be overwhelmed.
Your particular situation sounded good at first, then he sounded like he was a bit rude and demanding to say the least. If he thinks you were causing him pain on purpose, a professional waxer would be glad to give it a go, for the full feminine experience make sure to ask for the landing strip bikini wax. Waxing done wrong can be much more painful, but it doesn't tickle no matter who is doing it. Him accusing you of intentionally hurting him was a bit much. You sound like a really great girl, and he should appreciate the fact that you are understanding and want to work as a team to understand and deal with this together. Many crossdressing relationships work on many different levels, you just have to find the comfort level that is good for BOTH of you. Some crossdressers are content to dress every now and then in the privacy of their home, and some spouses are ok with the dressing but don't want to see it so they have a don't ask don't tell policy. Other couples have a girlfriends shopping trip where they both get dressed up and go out shopping. Each relationship has it's own level of participation and acceptance. Just take it slow so nobody gets overwhelmed. Glad to see you on the discussion forum, I hope you learn a lot here and enjoy your time with us.
I just LOVE happy endings! However, I have a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach. There may be MORE ISSUES to this story in the future?
I hope to heck it's simply the chili I had for dinner!
U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.
Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!
Wow! What a wonderful wife you are to do what you did in so short a time. You obviously love your husband and have demonstrated your kindness in the support you are giving to him. Frequent open and honest communications and time will give you the answers you are searching for. All this is good, as you are letting your husband enjoy his individual journey with the freedom he needs to search out his understanding of his need to CD. Patience and understanding is a wonderful gift you are giving your husband, and I certainly commend you for this. Good luck to you both, and there is no doubt you will both be happy and enjoy a wonderful life together. Have fun along the way....
Di
This particular forum is readable by non-logged-in users, Curious, so he might have found the posts that way. Or he might have his own login. Hopefully he didn't guess your password or anything. However, just in case he looks again, I'll leave him a note.
To CuriousWife2013's Spouse:
I sympathize with you, girlfriend, really I do. I would be so tempted to go as hog-wild as you, were it not for the fact that my fiancee keeps me in line whether I'm being Amy or not. My concern is that you are letting the "pink fog" overwhelm you and you are stepping way over your wife's boundaries. I know you apologized and made up to her for it...but next time this happens, she might not be so understanding. And, unless you get it under control, there will be a "next time."
You know the saying from Spider-Man, "With great power comes great responsibility"? That applies here. We, as CDs with accepting SOs, have the power to dress as we please. But with that comes the responsibility to respect the needs and boundaries of our SOs, without whose acceptance we would not have that power. If you're not sure how your wife would feel about something, ask. And, if she tells you something you're doing is upsetting her or making her uncomfortable, back off. Always take "No" for an answer, and "Stop" for an order.
Hopefully you've gotten the message now, and this won't be a problem again. And one more thing: always, always, always make sure to tell your wife how much you love her and how much you appreciate her acceptance that allows you to be your femmeself. Trust me on that.
- Amy
Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016
Wonderful words of advice there from Amy.
Okay let's try this again...(I hit a key and I don't know where my first reply went to)...So as I was saying, I don't have a password on my computer, I'm not trying to hide anything from him. And he doesn't have one on his either. My SO (yes babe, I love you too and I'm glad that you like what I've done for you) is my world and I would be utterly lost without him. I love him....ALL of him and I'm so very grateful that he told me about his CDing. It took (pardon the pun) a huge set of balls to tell me. I'm glad that he did and since then I've felt a closeness to him that I haven't felt in years. I think that it's this emotional rollercoaster that I'm on right now that is hurting me the most. I think that sometimes I'm jealous for a bit and then after I realize it I'm then feeling very guilty. On Friday I had a meeting to go to and I needed a jacket, in my closet (I have literally a hundred) I couldn't find one that I wanted...so I looked in his closet and I saw one that I had just gotten and I took off the tags and I wore it. When I told him about it that night before dinner, I then put it back on and he said that it looked better on me and I should keep it. I felt so guilty that I just didn't know what to do. I think that the jealousy part (going into his closet for something to wear) and then the guilt (him telling me it looked better on me and to keep it) is the thing that is hurting me the most.
Is this normal or am I just "screwed up"?
Curious
C.W., I'm telling you that having emotional roller coaster rides with jealousy, guilt etc is only normal for mammalian humans. It's not normal for the superior Reptilian humans, who control the world. They don't have much in the way of emotions at all. Lucky reptiles. Eh? See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reptilians.
Last edited by LelaK; 03-31-2013 at 02:06 PM.
T-shirt says: "Hi, I Crossdress!"
Yes i know ......Thank's and i'll remember that !
Cross-up,
You have a very understanding wife that wants to help you and by the sounds of it enjoy your crossdressing with you. Do not let the "Pink Fog" screw that up, as with anything in life, moderation my friend, moderation. There is a large part of the membership here that would wish they were in your heels. Crossdressing should be part of your life, not all of it. Enjoy it and don't go overboard, as with most wives they want their husband around once and awhile.
Lee.
Trying to come to grips with this lovely thing called Crossdressing.
Thankful there is a place to ask for help.
It seems you doing everthing you should be doing. Supporting him and loving him. Your one awesome lady.
Angie
Curious, I love it when my wife borrows my things. It's a validation of 1) my fashion sense, 2) she is not at all put off by my cross dressing and 3) we're a team. I'll bet your SO actually enjoyed the fact that you wore his jacket.
Jennifer Thank You, that made me feel a little better. I do love his clothes! lol
Curious
The important question - are you the same shoe size? This is unlikely, I know. Although I feel my wife would be much more certain to accept me if we could share shoes! (This is her only complaint about our future daughter-in-law, they can't share shoes.)
And hey, makes sense you'd like his clothes - you picked em mostly.
OMGosh you are right Paula, I did. But I didn't pick them out with the intention of me wearing them (at least I don't think I did....stupid subconscious...now I feel guilty again)!!The important question - are you the same shoe size? This is unlikely, I know. Although I feel my wife would be much more certain to accept me if we could share shoes! (This is her only complaint about our future daughter-in-law, they can't share shoes.)
And hey, makes sense you'd like his clothes - you picked em mostly.
And no we are not the same shoe size, He is a whopping 3 sizes bigger than I am. But I have to admit it...his shoes are H-O-T!! LOL
I do know that the skirts I picked out for him, I would NEVER wear because I have GOD AUFUL UGLY legs...I would kill for his legs...he has nice legs!!
Its OK CW, sharing stuff is nice. Sisters do this all the time, or so I'm told. No reason to feel guilty. How could you know his tastes, he probably doesn't know them yet. So what else would you do?
Bummer about the shoes, but typical unless you have really large feet.
So i'm her SO ...And love her VERY MUCH ! She can borrow anything anytime !!!
Hi Curious and thanks for sharing that.
I wouldn't worry too much about what's "normal." It's an odd thing to be involved with and there's no road map or rule book. I'm no longer married but I wasn't into xdressing when I was. I only discovered it afterwards. I'm still attracted to women and would love to be with one again. I can assure you that simply accepting his xdressing without judgment is HUGE. Don't worry about the little stuff like exchanges outfits or who looks better. So many xdressers are tormented by having to hide this from their wives and others have problems because their wives know but won't partake causing all kinds of anxiety. The fact that you're cool with this trumps everything else. From my point of view I'd say don't worry about it and just have fun with it like you would a girlfriend or sister. Kudos to you !
V
It's all "normal". That emotional roller coaster will get better. Your role has changed, and there will be questions. The best thing you can do is TALK to your SO. My husband and I have had some very frank conversations about my feelings, his feelings, and about pretty much everything you can imagine. Some of those conversations were super hard for me because I do accept him (we haven't decided whether I'm supposed to call my husband her or him). Am I normal because I love that he wears women's clothes? Is it ok for both of us to be the girl? How does that define me? Is there something wrong with me? Those are all questions that I have asked myself at one point. Talk to him about it. He has to understand that you have all these new emotions and questions. And you have to understand that he does too. And sometimes it will be hard. There will be fights. There will be making up. And as for the sex, it has to be a relief for him to indulge that side of him after all this time. Just communicate with him. Have some very frank conversations about what you both want. Even if you don't figure it out the first time out...talk about it! You sound like you're both on the right road.I think that it's this emotional rollercoaster that I'm on right now that is hurting me the most. I think that sometimes I'm jealous for a bit and then after I realize it I'm then feeling very guilty.
Is this normal or am I just "screwed up"?
Curious
I'm sitting here at the ball field where I would usually be all in the game in keeping score and just havin a blast but I find myself feeling like I missing something because I'm not at home with my ISO it's almost like I don't feel complete when he's not around anymore and I'm just not sure what to do with that I mean I know that we still need to do things that we both like and still be individual people but I kinda feel guilty out with the girls having fun knowing he's at home waiting on me to come home. I feel guilty about being out having fun without him. Especially since we have been getting so close again, im seriously thinki.g about selling my season tickets, is this normal ?
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