Just a hobby?

[ReineD]

Is it a hobby? I suppose this depends on a person's definition of "hobby", based on the degree to which they need to engage in it and also the strength of their reactions when they do engage in it. As Eryn pointed out, some people turn their hobbies into obsessions.

I was an avid skier when I was younger and you could say this was a hobby. But, during the times of year when there was no snow, I did not get the urge to ski nor did I even think about it. It was not something that I had to do nor was I miserable without it. Eventually I moved out of a skiing area. I just spent my time doing other things . Also as much as I did enjoy skiing when I got the chance to, the pleasure that I derived from it came nowhere near the level of euphoria that I often see described here, especially when a CDer crosses new barriers.

The CDing alters the expression of a person's gender. And gender is a fundamental building block of who we are. It just seems to me that anyone engaging in something like this is doing so for deeper reasons than just playing around with a hobby. Also, I can think of no hobby that necessitates lying, non-disclosure, and/or hiding and that can possibly put relationships or a job at risk.

I would consider two instances where the CDing conforms to my definition of a hobby:

A man who occasionally does drag shows for fun (not professionally ... else it would be a job) and who is not interested in dressing the rest of the time.

The scores of CDers who dress strictly for sexual gratification in mostly clothes that cannot be worn in public, and who participate in all the sites that Google comes up with when you enter "CDer" as a search term. But, this type of CDing might be considered a hobby in the same way that watching online porn regularly is a hobby. :p

[NathalieX66]

Reine has some pretty good insight.

I took a lot of ribbing by my employer, in a family run business, when I grew my hair long. I've also been through a year and a half of permanent hair removal (electrolysis and laser). I feel pretty comforatable going out anywhere in the public eye. This is me....this is who I am. My hobbies are my guitar collection.

[Elle1946]

I don't know that I would call it a hobby, in a certain sense, but it is something that I do enjoy doing, eventhough I can only share it with a few others, unlike I would be as if it was a hobby, eg. art, woodworking,etc.

[larissa-laurie]

It is definitely not a hobby for me as I can do a hobby anytime. I love being in lingerie and can't do that anytime. It is so rare but I seem to get on this forum whenever I can dress en femme at home. I would certainly enjoy more ladylike experiences and the wonderful feelings involved with dressing in dresses,etc. but one has to enjoy those precious moments and just deal with living in a closet if that is how it is.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Trust me, unless you frequent Nieman-Marcus, CDing is much cheaper than homebuilt aircraft.

http://www.eaa.org

Now, the question of whether CDing is a hobby. Wikipedia defines "Hobby" as "A hobby is a regularly undertaken activity that is done for pleasure, typically, during one's leisure time." Using that definition I can definitely call CDing a hobby.

Of course one could also look up "Obsession" and find that it is defined as "A compulsive or irrational preoccupation." which also fits my perspective of CDing. I seem to have to do it and I can't really think of a rational reason for it so I suppose I'm obsessed. So are a lot of people who ride Harleys.

Interesting perspective, Reine has some good points too.

Words can be tricky beasts, in the way that *I* understand the word "hobby" i don't think so. But that is my viewpoint, I accept that there is a WIDE variation of the human type.

If he is being....inaccurate? Don't feel that he is outright lying to you, there is often a lot of potential shame and denial wrapped up with this, if this isn't freaking you out, ( it shouldn't, in opinion ) then accept it, for now, and talk, ask questions, ask him, every so often, to look into himself, and analyze his own feelings on the matter. I know, once I told my soon to be GF, being able to talk about it, and think, without being clouded by guilt, about it. My sense of it changed. These days, I'm tempted to think of myself as not a crossdresser, but a man whose sense of self, and sense of self expression, is not mainstream.

[UNDERDRESSER]

Am I bad for having a Neiman-Marcus card? uhh, uhhh - they don't take american express there, and I needed to buy perfume - for my "wife".

This isn't sounding believable, is it?

I suddenly realized that for some of us, CD does have one thing in common with a lot of hobbies - a lot of guys lie like hell about how much they spend on their hobby, and what they buy. On *all* of my hobby forums, there is a thread about "how to hide purchases form wife". LOL, that part isn't unique at all!

LOL indeed! I am fortunate that the big expenses, are to do with bicycles, and as long as I don't deny my GF the opportunity to buy bikes, and am willing to give the occasional gift of bicycle or bicycling related gear, I have no problem! Well, apart from the need to find a place to live that has enough space for all our bikes.....

[Jacqueline Winona]

Yes, its a hobby for most of us. it isn't life or death, it isn't a job, it isn't necesary like food, water, or other stimuli. Painful as can be for many without it, butits a hobby. And then its so much more for many others. Take the workouts away from the gym rat, take the heels away from the GG who just loves them, take the sports away from the true sports fan, take the rifles away from the hunters, then you'll start to see what I'm trying to get at.

[Chickhe]

I can't answer the question, but I think the answer is to trust your SO in what he says, but at the same time realize that he may not have all of the answers. Just find a way to enjoy what he does even if it seems a little unusual.

[TeresaCD]

Hi Kay,
Anyway for me, it's more like an itch
If I don't scratch the itch, it feels worse and the longer I leave it, the more it itches.

This is a good way to put it, for me at least also.
'Hobby', in that it's something I enjoy, find fulfilling and would like to do more often, yes.
But perhaps, as others have said, more than that.
More part of me, than you would describe say golf (yuk) or yoga..

[mollycd99]

If by "hobby" one means "something I do occasionally or regularly in my free time for fun," then yes, for some of us it can be a hobby. Bt "hobby" also implies a casual interest, a pastime that is amusing but not essential to ones being. And for most of us (it seems) CDing meets some deeper need or urge. It's just not something a guy does casually: too much social stigma is out there against it.

But what it almost seems you are really asking is ... Is it possible to do this part time, or are all these girls on a glide path to a sex change? And the answer to that is a resounding "it depends." Some of us are just satisfying a sexual urge, or can dress a couple of times a month and be satisfied with that. Some of us are heading to transition. And some of us (myself included) have NO IDEA where this is heading. Best of luck to you.

[ssmjoanne]

A hobby implies it is something you have chosen. I think CDing has chosen most of us. Why? Who knows. As you can see CDers are much more diverse in make up (ok, pun intended) than most people would think. I am one of the minority on this site- a fetish CD. My wife not only supports my CDing she actively encourages it. We see ourselves of gender bending rebels within our home. 95% of what we have bought is intended for the bedroom. But I also think it is easier for her to be encouraging because I have never wanted to be a woman and I don't have a desire to pass in public. And, I absolutley do not feel the need to out myself to others.
I don't know about others but I will say this- if a SO can get past all the misconceptions and deal with the person, there is an opporunity to create a very special bond.

[StacyPump]

I wonder if perhaps we are obsessing a little too much on the definition of the word "hobby". Kay, I wonder if your husband chose this word simply to express to you that his motivation and/or desire is not VERY intense. And that certainly may be the case. As others have said, our deep, underlying motivations are quite varied, and I would caution that your spouse may not yet know exactly what his motivations or desires are.

You have both made the great move of opening communication. You are both to be commended for that. I would encourage you, to encourage him, to keep exploring his feelings and desires surrounding crossdressing, and to continue the open communication, and to take it all s-l-o-w-l-y!

He is lucky to have such a caring and loving spouse. You are both lucky to have each other.

[Rachel05]

I often refer to my dressing as "my hobby" to my wife, she is a non supporter of my cross dressing and she cringes if I use the phrase, so I try and protect her as best I can by using "my hobby" if it comes up in conversation

For me it is a way of life and part of me and way more than a hobby

[NicoleScott]

The scores of CDers who dress strictly for sexual gratification in mostly clothes that cannot be worn in public, and who participate in all the sites that Google comes up with when you enter "CDer" as a search term. But, this type of CDing might be considered a hobby in the same way that watching online porn regularly is a hobby. :p

I doubt that we have many here who dress STRICTLY for sex. Many here admit there is or was a sexual element to their dressing, even the primary driver, but I think that most are here for the other things the site offers, like beauty and fashion talk, going out, coming out, relationship matters, newby advice, etc. Since the forum tolerates some sexual content but not explicit sex, dressers STRICTLY for sex will find that elsewhere.

What we seem to best here is argue over definitions - this time it's hobby.

[suchacutie]

I read the word hobby and broke into giggles! I'm on a business trip, at the end of the day, and dressed!

I have other hobbies, i.e. I play the violin semi-professionally. Any idea how many hours per week are devoted to what most people would call a hobby?

I think what he is trying to tell you is that he 1) is not interested in transitioning to a girl full time, 2) that it's important, but not as important as you are, and 3) being a girl part of the time is not insignificant.

But talking to him after you've read everything we've written is probably the best

[ReineD]

I doubt that we have many here who dress STRICTLY for sex.

Nicole, I didn't say "here". I should think that most pure fetish CDers would be bored here. :p This is what I said:

... and who participate in all the sites that Google comes up with when you enter "CDer" as a search term.

[Kathi Lake]

I should think that most pure fetish CDers would be bored here. :p

Most likely. I mean, this site isn't "Prudes Я Us" or anything, but I for one am glad that that kind of stuff is toned down a bit.



Kathi

[Joanne f]

There are some that say that they do it just as a hobby so I just take their word for that but if I look at myself and the difference between my hobby's and my dressing and TG related things is that with my hobby's I can take it or leave it and just enjoy them when I can but with the CDing/Tg things I have to do them and if I do not then I get moody because I feel that I am not being me ,so whether looking for the mood swings would be a starting point to understanding if it is just a hobby or not I am not quite sure or maybe I am just not into my hobby's enough for me to get moody if I can't do them but I do know that with this other thing I have to do it or I am not just moody but plain right unhappy so if you can see a big difference in mood that MAY give you an idea of what is going on .

[Claire Cook]

We all have our own feelings about this and for some it is "just a hobby", while for others it is a lifestyle. There is no "one size fits all" here, this is a sliding scale and each of us determines our position on that scale. Many just enjoy wearing a particular article of clothing while others need to dress fully and express their feminine side to the fullest and venture into the world interacting as a woman.

Perhaps it is "just a hobby" for your hubby. What you need to do is TALK, TALK, TALK. Don't be afraid to ask questions and also don't be afraid to let him be honest in his answers without reproach. Together you can see this through and find a common ground you both are comfortable with. You've taken the first steps by not freaking out and seeking out answers. Support is very important to us, as is the love of our spouse.

Cheryl has nailed this for me. If there is a common theme in this thread, it is that we are all different, and we are all individuals. And, yes, by all means follow her advice.

My take: these are my clothes; I wear my clothes. My hobbies are gardening, music, golf. etc, but my clothes are my clothes.

[heelsforme67]

i try and dress as much as I can.life gets in the way unfortunately.but I do get down and moody when I cant feel comfortable and dress.hobby for me is music.but if i could id dress all the time. and be much much happier!!

[Mollyanne]

I too am a cd'er but I don't call it a hobby. I just know that I feel better when I am in female mode. I like the feel of the lingerie on my body, I like the snugness of my heels, I like all the different styles that I think I look good in. I like the jewelry. I like getting my hair done and the make-up as well. I guess in short I like being the female that I feel that I am. This is me, not necessarily anyone else. I have come to realize that I was born "wired" this way. There is nothing wrong with what I do, its just a matter of acceptance and not "pushing the button to the extreme.

Molly

[MissTee]

Welcome, Kay, and what a great post! Just one opinion here, but I think I could see it as a hobby in the sense that I do not want to dress full time. I like my guy side, too, and do not look to giving that up. Ever.

Having said that, I find the need to CD sometimes is a compulsion -- meaning it's something I h-a-v-e to do. Not sure why and I don't worry about it. It's never become a complete obsession, either. Like everything else, it simply has it's place.

BTW, my wife is very supportive and we have fun together with the CD-ing. Hope you two can learn this as well.

[NicoleScott]

Reine, I wasn't disagreeing with you - just making an observation.