I'm interested in reading all the comments about "happiness." Am I "unhappy" now? Will I be "happier" as a woman?

I'm not "unhappy" as a man. I am losing my mind when I present as a man - I feel enormous, overwhelming anxiety. I am miserable. It is the most amazingly painful emotions I've ever experienced. My life is a waking nightmare. Presenting as female alleviates these feelings substantially. Happy - pffft. Who cares? Seriously - who cares? I want an end to my misery.

This seems like a fairly straightforward decision. Girl mode = I feel fairly normal - better. Guy mode = I feel like hammered crap and would welcome death.

Am I missing something here? Where does "happy" enter into this? Where do I even have a choice in any of this? I sure don't see any. I'd like to find some balance short of a full transition. However, my GD seems to be getting progressively worse, and what I'd "like" doesn't seem to make one particle of difference. Not. A. One.

I think my GD is pretty severe. As for slowing down - I dunno. This is the slowest freaking medical process I've ever seen. It borders on being DIY.

We'll see if I survive until I can start to get some relief - this is by no means certain. My mind feels like it is literally falling apart.

I'm having to take this slow anyway - my wife can barely tolerate any of this. My wife can't really even handle the CD part of this. The idea I could transition is causing her emotional problems as well. Neither of us is especially strong right now.

As for my marriage being a paramount concern - this sounds cold, but it is not. I love my wife. I love my marriage. I'm no good dead or insane though. I have to save myself. I fully expect my marriage to end. Maybe she'll suprise me, but I'm not counting on this.

Changing locations is not a trivial option for me. I'm 50. I own two homes. I'm married. I'm tied down. Seriously - unwinding all that stuff is at least as slow of a process as transition itself. The only easy part of this is my job. I can do it from almost anywhere. Presuming I can keep it together well enough to actually KEEP my job. This is not certain at the moment.