Considering Transition

[KellyJameson]

Often I think about getting or giving advice when you are in the grip of gender dysphoria.

When you are hurting everyones words are just so much noise and often the help offered makes it worse

Living with a gender identity that is opposite the body and life you are living is a handicap and aspects of this handicap do not necessarily go away with transitioning.

In my opinion you are still left with a whole lot of stuff floating around inside your head that you still have to learn to live with.

For me it was more like my brain was under pressure and it worked as a release valve so you are happy from being free and you finally experience the mind, body and your life being all on the same page so you lose that feeling of being fractured or split into pieces and experience what I call "flow".

All the pieces that were in conflict come together to make one complete theme so you have a sense of continuity, integrity, rightness versus wrongness, ect...that has always been with you since the beginning.

The thing to remember is there will still be the shit storm of life to deal with and in some ways this is increased by transitioning.

You trade one big problem for thousands of little ones that must be worked through.

It interests me how many crossdressers who identify as men want their own breasts and it is clear to me that the clothes and their bodies merge into one expression.

I personally believe that much of crossdressing is driven by male sexual desire for women and this gets turned inward where they turn themselves into the object of that which they sexually adore and desire and this is possibly merged with mother love.

I do not see this behavior as bad or good, wrong or right but I do think it creates the danger of being labelled as gender dysphoria.

I never fully appreciated how much men worship women until I joined this forum and it always strikes me as a little weird but I think that must be a part of being a man because I have seen it here and out in the world and have always been puzzled by this behavior.

In my own life women have been extremely important and irrelevant at the same time. They are irrelevant because I have never related to them as a man to a woman because I have never identified as a man where for heterosexual men who have always identified as men they are very relevant as their "other half"

Women have only been relevant to me as the mystery that would solve who I am and for me this is one of the experiences of gender dysphoria. Secondary to that I prefer their company for friendship and companionship because I have little in common with most men.

I like men but they are from another planet so often require to much work to associate with where woman are easy to be around but every once in awhile I will connect with a man and it goes deeper than anything I have ever had with a woman because they complement me on a profound level and it is here where my gender identity also lives.

Gender identity and the dysphoria has defined and touched every single female relationship I have ever had.

Gender dysphoria is dangerous all by itself, but labelling something gender dysphoria when it is not is doubly dangerous because it would be akin to trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

I would urge you to step back from any conclusions you have made about your gender identity and reflect on your life as the relationship you have had with this life as "gender identity"

Your situation has complexities because of your physical handicap that would add to the difficulties of understanding and diagnosing gender dysphoria.

I'm worried that you may jump out of the frying pan and into the fire.

This forum has taught me that it is very easy to apply the label gender dysphoria to something that seems to not have anything to do with gender identity and dysphoria at all.

Try to read about woman who have transitioned and get inside their minds and learn about their life experiences.

There are patterns and commonalities you see when you live your life in conflict with your internalized gender identity.

In my experience you do not get twenty years of happiness with gender dysphoria.

Your suffering is real but I worry that it is coming from somewhere else and transitioning will not save you but destroy you by destroying the life that you have built.

Please do not take my words as stating that you are not transsexual because only you can know that but simply the desire to give you all possible perspectives.