Divorce

[PaulaQ]

Paula IS 100% responsible for the divorce. Paula got married as a man with a women who wanted to be married to a man. Get it??

Well, I do. I guess it is all my fault. All I can really say in my defense is that I've never wanted this. I have always just wanted to be a normal person, and accepted as such. I tried to be one - acting the part, even though I never felt it. I was in the wrong body. I know that many don't view me as being a normal person though, although that's all I've ever wanted to be. I tried desperately to lead that life. But I am not, and I cannot. I know that I will NEVER really be accepted. I am simply not one of you. I'm sorry, so sorry - I never asked for this. Believe me, if I could be like you - I would.

At least you view me as a human being - many do not. Some few view me as a monster. Such is my life. Why would anyone choose this? It is certainly my worst nightmare.

I flat out told my husband that if he were a women in a mans body that the deal was off. I was up front and honest with him, he was never up front and honest with me.

In all fairness Kitty, I'm not the same person as your husband. I'm not sure it's fair to lay his sins at my door - I have plenty of my own, of course.

Plus Paula can't even wait until the ink dries on the divorce before taking up a relationship with someone else. How respectful is that?

Well technically, I took up with someone before the ink was even on the divorce papers! I have no defense for this. I'm not pining away for my wife not because I never loved her - I did and do. I hope some of my feelings about her come through in various things I've written here. I gave up all hope on the relationship when she told me I no longer deserved to wear my wedding ring, and then kicked me out of my home and left me to live or die on my own. (It really hurt about the ring - I hadn't given up, I wanted to find some way to make it work.) I don't mean to be overly dramatic, but in retrospect, I'm still somewhat surprised I made it out alive. I am certain that had I not started HRT so soon after leaving, I wouldn't have made it. I'm frequently scared - I am going through the worst thing I have ever gone through in my life. When someone reached out to me - it was irresistible. As with everything else in my life though, I am sure I'll be judged for this too.

There have been other deceptive behavior in Paula's marriage as well so Vanny get off your high horse and stop being so bitter yourself. Grrr right back at you.

I've lived a life of deception. It seemed like the safer thing to do. I can't imagine coming out as trans as a kid in the 60's or 70's. I can't imagine surviving that in Texas where I was born and grew up. I did introduce myself as a liar in my intro post here. I guess I am one of the more dishonest people on the forum.

If it makes any difference, several years ago, my wife went through a terrible crisis that resulted from something that happened when she was in high school, and she faced terrible depression. This created an enormous strain on our marriage - it was the worst crisis we'd faced as a couple prior to my coming out. I tried to support her during her troubles. I don't guess it makes any difference though.

edit: I forgot to mention that I got word today that my case really was finally filed. Apparently a paperwork snafu delayed the filing. But it's filed now. I am told we got a liberal judge, which is good news for me, I hope.