Quote Originally Posted by Leslie Langford View Post
But with all that admiration, and maybe to some degree - even fetishizing - this version of femininity that we have created in our minds, have we lost something in the process?

A "real" man in a similar situation would likely be first drawn to the size/shape of such a woman's breasts, her rear end, how short her skirt was (or how tight her pants), how much cleavage she was displaying, and how "sexy" she looked overall. He might even notice her hair and make up and think that they were "nice", but all of the subtleties surrounding how that total "look" was created would be totally lost on him.

Yes, the "male" in me gets to that point of sexual attraction in due course as well, but my initial focus invariably is how the woman presents herself overall, how that compares with "Leslie's" usual presentation, and what, if anything, I could learn from that.

Am I beginning to objectify them in a way that is not too dissimilar to what our uber testosterone-fueled brethren typically do? This saddens and shames me, but at the same time, it is what it is, and it takes a concerted effort on my part to suppress these feelings and not react initially in such an emotionally shallow way.

More to the point, are we sometimes subconsciously "competing" with our wives and SO's to see if we can be just as "feminine" or "girly" as we perceive them to be (or in those cases where the partners are not particularly "girly" in a "Barbie" sort of way, leave them behind in the dust as we pursue our own version of "femininity")? Do our partners sense this, and is that one of the main reasons why our crossdressing is such a huge turn-off for some of them?
1. How do you know you aren't just really feminine? There are very feminine women. Why not really femme CDs? Also, I think there is a natural tendency to overcompensate for being male. And finally, sure most of us sexualize this, and if we're going to do this, we want to feel sexy.

2. Sure, you are objectifying her - you are a guy, that's what guy's do. Don't believe me? Go sit in a gay bar for a while, and just watch what happens, as an experiment in social science, and see if you don't see just as much evidence of men objectifying other men. Guy's are wired to be kinda shallow. Sorry.

3. There are a variety of reasons our partners are uncomfortable with this. Women don't objectify to the extent men do, typically, but they still do - your spouse may LIKE your hairy chest, and be quite unhappy when you shave it off because she finds it so attractive! Some women likely do feel insecure about their bodies or their appearances, especially if their CD SO presents very well. Some women likely feel insecure about their role in the relationship - after all, CDing opens up questions about our gender, relationships, and roles that straight society is BADLY equipped to even discuss. Most of us base our relationships on templates we've seen, in our lives, in the media, in books - everybody knows what a monogamous heterosexual relationship is supposed to look like. Until the guy puts on a dress! That opens up a Pandora's box of questions most of us - often especially including the CD aren't prepared to discuss.

I know this is kind of a taboo to discuss, but there is no doubt in my mind that a few, not most, but a few, folks on this forum look MUCH better than quite a few genetic women. If that's your situation, then hell yeah you can intimidate your wife if she feels very insecure with her body. (Also note, you probably can't do this in a fair fight - if your wife puts the kind of time and skill into her presentation as some of you do, she'll almost certainly look a lot better than you ever thought about. Most women, at least in the states, don't go to nearly this kind of effort on a regular basis though.)

Just for full disclosure - I tend to notice other women's presentation only if it's especially well done, which it often isn't. Although attractive people will get my attention, I am really all about personality and chemistry if I'm going to be in a relationship. Looks are down the list.