Quote Originally Posted by Isha View Post
Regarding the cycle you mentioned you likened a CDer who can't dress for a period of time to withdrawal symptoms seen in addicts. Again, if the pleasure centers are being activated it is plausible. However for many (myself included) CDing is integral to who I am. Not being able to express it by supressing (quitting cold turkey sort of speak) would not cause withdrawal symptoms but pure emotional distress which is a different beast. My first experience fully dressed was at 17 years old, I did it once, enjoyed it and never did it again . . . I was ashamed, horrified, ecstatic, pleased and distraught all in one fell swoop. I was new to the military and there was no way I was going to be one of those weirdoes who dresses in women's clothing. So I put it away for 32 years. I wasn't addicted to it as addiction takes time to build up those chemical dependencies. I merely supressed an integral part of my psyche. I survived by hook or by crook but in the end it caught up with me and sent me to a very dark emotional place. This was not addiction, it was emotional well being. If I was to quit now, I would most likely return to a state of emotional upheaval. Now I can stop dressing for a time not because I can beat it but because I have accepted who I am and even though I can't dress at that time, I know that when I can, I will because it is part of me.

If pleasure centers weren't be activated for you then how did you liked this? How did you know this was part of you? Some part of your brain must have told you that this was good a right for you to do and it must have felt good. This good or pleasurable feeling must have been better than say watching a good movie or eating a nice meal. this pleasurable feeling must have been powerful enough to get you over the obstacles of shame, fear, and societal pressures. You say its about expressing a feminine side. There are ways for a man to express a feminine side without women's clothes.

A Tale of two CeeDees :D

Your tale has been told. So here is mine.

I'll start I my teens too. I did not fully dress I could only dress partial here or there from time to time. It felt wonderful but I didn't associate it with anything sexual. Sex-Ed back then talked more of when boy meets girl they never mentioned anything about when boy meets girdle. I just saw it as just part of myself that this was who I was. College, getting away from home allowed me to do more. But there was still always roommates, frat brothers, and others hanging around. I would keep putting it off telling myself not now, some day when its right. Pink fog would come and go often times at the wrong moment. It was always girl interrupted, After college, it was the army, after the army it was again roommates. I still didn't think of my dressing as a fetish I still did nothing sexual while dressed. But I still searched for an answer. I was watching discovery channel documentaries on the brain and sex. after over a decade and a half of staying away from anything that reeked of fetish I began to read medical articles on CD fetishes and I could see myself in them. It was confirmed shortly after that when I for the first time got dress and got hands on so to speak. Finally a few years ago I got my own house. I could finally dress now. I even had a room I could devote to it. I even was excited to start posting here. I dressed as often as I could. The more and more I dressed though the less and less joy I was having. I would still dress just to keep from feeling stress of not dressing but this just made it worse as I would stay in my house alone and bored. It finally got to a breaking point, I put my cross-dressing on a permanent hiatus until I could get a better handle on cross-dressing or quit all together.

Perhaps we are different breeds of cross-dressers shaped by our different histories? Or perhaps there are more similarities just different outcomes?