Coping, I'm MtF trans, so I am the worst case scenario.
I was willing to try to limit how far I'd have to go with transition, to the extent I could. But I made no promises - it went where it went, I knew I could no longer bury this stuff. Still, I was willing to try to present less often as a woman, didn't do it around her, was willing to put off HRT, try to avoid SRS, etc.
When it became undeniable I'd transition - this happened pretty fast - I'd hoped she could accept me as a woman, and as a friend. That I could live in a separate part of the house from her, and that if she needed a lover because she could no longer be in a physical relationship with me, that was OK with me. I wanted to keep her as a friend. We could be married or not married depending on what she wanted.
I could accept a great many things - I just couldn't compromise on who I was. It breaks my heart that it was that way, but within a couple of months of coming out, I knew I could no longer tolerate life as a man any longer. Death was preferable. And you just can't live your life like that.
I still love my wife, although we are divorcing and there's no way we can be together. I know that now. I miss her as my wife and my best friend. We were best friends for such a long time, but that is over now.
