Dear Coping,
Big difference between "need" and "want." I am very fortunate that my wife accepts that I am what i am and has no complaints about it and can even go out with me in girl mode and not feel uncomfortable. Most important is that we can talk about it. That is what I wanted. The truth is, that I really only need to be able to talk to her openly about it. Without that, the pressure of hiding would be very hard. Even DADT would be too much pressure; always worrying if I hid everything away properly. If my wife absolutely didn't approve but was still able to talk to me objectively about my cross dressing, I think I'd be ok.
Perhaps my greatest fear was that she would think less of me because I was a cross dresser. Maybe we all have that fear?
