What is your level of acceptance? (responses from all please!)

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Hello Coping

After 12 years of marriage I revealed my desires to my wife. They were very specific desires--to wear pantyhose and heels, and in order to enjoy the feeling of pantyhose, I wanted to shave my legs. I did not reveal everything at the time--which was that I wanted to dress completely as a woman, and that it would be highly erotic to dress exactly like her.

She indulged me to a point and even seemed to find some aspects kinky and enjoyable, but after a pair of pumps became 4 or 5, and I revealed that I wanted to wear skirts and dresses (I pushed too hard too fast) we entered a few months of DADT. After some time, I wore a skirt and heels in front of her, and she realized it wasn't the end of the world.

We then entered a great few months where we enjoyed renewed romance and sexual satisfaction, which I admit was fueled by "fashion shows" (where we would buy matching heels, hose, dresses, skirts, etc.) and model them together. She appreciated the greatly increased intimacy and sex, smooth hair free legs under the covers, and I think her expanding wardrobe too. But she wondered where it would lead and had many fears.

I explained that my ultimately fantasy would be for us to get ready for a romantic dinner alone together, doing everything identically to include makeup, the exact same attire, etc. She really is my paradigm of womanhood and it would be wonderful to look like her (or at least be dressed and made up the same way).

This was too much for her. She toyed with the idea of helping me learn makeup but we never took that step and she said seeing me in a wig and makeup would be too much.

That was April 2013. I took a 5 1/2 month cold-turkey break over the summer to prove to her that she and the kids were more important than CD. I didn't want questions from the kids about hair free legs or chest, and I wanted to prove I could leave it alone.

When I resumed in late Sep 2013, she seemed OK with it. We did more "fashion shows" and she was comfortable with watching a movie together in matching silk robes, hose and heels. We shopped for matching dresses and women's pajamas online. She even purchased women's PJs for me for Valentines Day. This was very, very heady stuff for me.

This year I put it all away again in April, and haven't touched it since. I think she is beginning to understand the nature of CD for me. Would I like to dress more? Sure. Can I live without it for a time? Yes.

The fantasy is still there, and she knows it. Time will tell if we ever realize it. She has said that it would be OK if I went to a "transformation service" at some point to see the full illusion, but that she doesn't want to see that either.

Small steps, I suppose. Would I like her to have a greater level of acceptance? Yes. But more than that I would like to retain a healthy marriage, not destroy her happiness, and not affect the kids.

Thanks

Shibumi